Coping with deafness

I have an NHS hearing aid in my left ear. The audiologist said the loss was mild.I needed the TV louder than others, and I also sometimes had to ask people to repeat what they had said. So far the NHS aid has been fine, but I suspect this may be because my loss is at the early stage. However, to compound matters, OH has PD, which has affected his speech, and it can be difficult for everyone to catch what he is saying at times. He is adamant that it is my hearing, of course!

Oh cayuga123 you are so right. All tha spontaneity of chatting disappears,and you both become very isolated from each other, it is a great pity.

I now have two hearing aids but I don't wear them all the time, only when I think I might need them such as at church with the loop or at meetings. My DH has one hearing aid, he still can't put it in himself but in fact hardly ever wears it. This drives me mad. I say something, he says 'Pardon?' but if I don't repeat it immediately he sometimes realises what I've said. Other times I have to say something several times and I end up shouting it at him or I'm so fed up I tell him it's not important. Both of which make him cross.

Good hearing aids + Headphones so he can hear and I'm not deafened by the tv - saved our marriage

I can sympathise with this situation, my mother wont wear hers says they make background noise louder and she doesnt want to hear traffic etc. I hate taking her shopping as I have to shout to make ehr hear and people stare. Then there is the safety point of view I have to make sure that she knows her dosage of her pills, if shes heard the doctor wrongly she might not read the instructions and take an overdose or not enough. I end up repeating myself again and again. I cant give any advice on this its wearing me out.
My sympathy to anyone with this problem. Older people can be so stubborn.

I bet if you had hearing aids you didn't wear he would go on and on about it. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

My husband is the same but now when I really want him to hear what I'm saying I say it twice anyway. I think he gets into the habit of saying d'what? but miraculously hears what I say now without repeating yet again. I think sometimes it can be a 'man' thing.He also wears the NHS aids but they exaggerate some sounds and distort others.

I also had this problem with my elderly dad, it seems to be a generation thing, dad associated deafness with being stupid. Dad was far from stupid but he was stubborn. When we moved in to help care for him we had a loop system installed so he could listen to the TV and radio via his hearing aid, this was provided free from our local deaf centre. Good advice given about the need to wear hearing aids from others. From what I remember from med school, the cilia in the ear (tiny hairs that waft sound waves into the inner ear) if not stimulated will die off and will not regrow.

I am trying hard with my aids as I have been told that if you don't wear them then your brain 'forgets' various sounds that it can't hear and you will never hear them again, aids or no aids. The NHS consultant advised me against buying private aids as he said there is nothing available that is better than you will get through the NHS, plus private aftercare is expensive. I am sure others will hasten to say differently and I don't have any experience of private aids, but the NHS ones seem pretty good to me.

I do find TV impossible to listen to at times. We bought an expensive soundbar which made little difference; after the appalling 'Jamaica Inn' last year that nobody could hear, there was much written in the media about the very poor quality of TV sound recordings, and evidently there is much complaining all the time about the low standards. Sometimes I have to turn the volume to maximum to hear, other programmes only need half volume, and most significantly I never miss a word of a news bulletin as the readers speak good English, face front and speak up!

Oh dear. As sad as I feel for my DH, who is also very deaf, I feel sad to have lost so much as a couple. Things are not funny if you have to repeat them several times. We don't listen to music together any more and once he takes his aids out at night I can't talk to him nor in the morning. I feel tired from constantly repeating myself and sometimes don't talk at all unless I have to. He has had two pairs of expensive hearing aids but has now taken to using the NHS ones as he says they seem no different. He feels isolated in company as he says people talk to me but not to him so I feel I'm constantly worrying about people not talking to him and I try to involve him in the conversation but that is short lived. Even family around the table is difficult for him. He can't understand our small grandchildren and says everyone speaks too fast. We watch TV separately unless it's a foreign film with sub titles but won't have those on if its in English. He often gets angry with all of us and looses his temper with me. As I said I am sad for him but also for myself. It has spoilt so much for both of us. I do all the things suggested by others. Our youngest daughter also wears aids and is a teacher. She manages so well with lip reading, reading body language and awareness. But even having brought up her my husband finds deafness terrible.

I loved the joke about the market trader !! My OH was a gunner in the Royal Navy, and lost his hearing some years ago when he was working ...(I didn't know him then !_ He said he always had difficulty in meetings, etc as he could not hear ..so I persuaded him to go for a hearing test when I met him when we lived in Menorca ...excellent service from the Veterans service ...arranged for a hearing test via the British embassy's consulate ....then, as his hearing loss was about one degree less than that required to qualify for the war pension, he was awarded a lump sum ....then, amazingly, after we had paid 3,000 for a digital hearing aid, we had a leaflet advising us we could claim the cost back as his hearing had been effectively 'lost' in the armed forces .......so we had that paid for as well ! However, he refuses to wear it, saying it 'makes him feel old' (he is 84 in February) ...and is now complaining again he cannot hear ...like others on here, it is, of course, MY fault ...I mumble, I shout ....etc etc just like you all ! He still has that expensive hearing aid, but sadly I cannot find anyone to service it ...it is a Binatone and the service centres are impossible to find ...and we cannot afford 3,000 for another to sit in a drawer ......so I suppose I will just have to keep mumbling (!) ......like you, the tv is turned up so loud I can stand in the field next door and listen to the news ........but I don't want to have to do that ....he has to have his tv in another room so I can at least close the door and then maybe can hear my own tv programmes ! Our doctor gave him a letter to take to the hospital hearing specialist .....last year or the year before ...he still will not go ! What hope is there ?! When I go deaf , if I do, it will be fun for the neighbours a mile away listening to our tv !

As a result of the Bren gun carrier which he was in being blown up during the Normandy landings my husband suffered hearing loss and Menieres disease. A Harley Street specialist told him the giddiness of the Ménière's could be controlled by drugs but nothing could be done about the hearing and an aid would be useless. However he went to the Royal Institute for the Deaf and came home with a selection of aids to try. The one that worked was the old cumbersome NHS one. The size of a packet of cigarettes that had to be clipped to his shirt. In spite of deteriating loss of hearing he was able to do his job as a representative until he had to,retire in 1977. He died in 1987 before digital aids were invented and there were no subtitles available on TV .
His favourite joke was that a market trader was selling hearing aids for half a crown. "But it is a bit of string". Oh, replied the trader, you tie a knot in each end, stick one end in your ear and the other down your shirt and everyone shouts when they speak to you."

This article may help you, but really he needs to find out how useful the hearing aid(s) can be hearinghealthmatters.org/betterhearingconsumer/2016/talk-person-hearing-loss/
How to Talk to a Hard of Hearing Person
1.With the same respect and courtesy that you accord to anyone.
2.Ask the person with hearing loss what would work best for optimal communication.
3.Get the person’s attention before starting to speak. It’s difficult to catch up when tuning in halfway through the first sentence.
4.People with hearing loss need to see the face. Make sure the light is on your face, and that nothing is obstructing their view of your lovely eyes and mouth.
5.Communication Calisthenics: Keep the head up, minimize head and body movement, keep mouth clear of hands and other objects, keep mustaches trimmed and lose the gum, food or cigarette.
6.Speech should be clear and at a normal or even slightly slower pace. Do not shout; this is painful to the ears and visually distorts the words, making speech or lip reading difficult. You also run the risk of looking mean.
7.Facial expressions and body language should match words, helpful when a tone of voice can’t be heard.
8. Eliminate background noise, whenever possible.
9. If asked, use assistive technology: computers, text interpretation, captioning, FM systems, and amplification.
10. A reminder – ask the person with hearing loss if the communication is working for them.
These are the basics. There’s an advanced course in Effective Communication for People With Hearing Loss, but this will do for a start

I have been offered hearing aids on several occasions. I have, like many people my age, lost some of the high frequency sounds. Also my OH has PD and speaks very quietly which compounds the problem! I have trouble hearing people if I am chewing!

I tried the aids and had a problem that I have neuralgia on one side of my face and the presence of the aid was actually painful. Unfortunately it was the side that most needed the aid. I decided to wait it out a bit but plan to go back soon.

It is quite important to go to the same place each time so that a proper record of deterioration can be made.

When I was trying them the audiologist set them low and gradually ratcheted them up a bit. I was amazed by how loud my stick sounds!

My slight reluctance to use the aids also relates to the fact that we have just moved from a silent world in the wilds of the country where there was no sound at all; and now we can hear traffic noise from the garden and I am not all that enamoured of the idea of increasing its volume!

You and me both .... My DH refuses to discuss this matter. It is extremely tiresome especially when one is asked to constantly repeat stuff. At this point I speak louder and slowly but am then told "not to shout".

My DD also refuses to have eyes tested. At my insistence he had them tested approx 25 years ago. It transpired he had a stigmatism. So he has one pair of glasses which he only wears perhaps 6 times a year if he's driving at night !!
So guess who does the driving on a night out?

Vanity pure and simple

Many friends have noticed these two problems. I gave up years ago discussing either problem ....

I have worn double hearing aids since 2002. Yes you should wear them all the time so that your brain adjusts. What puts some people off is that at first the world becomes a very noisy place, but overtime your brain screens out somethings, for instance your own footsteps, rustling newspapers etc etc.

I have only ever had NHS hearing aids and they are anything but basic. They are digital and fit inside the ear. I chose which settings I wanted them programmed with. My hearing is complicated by an ENT condition so it is variable. I will never have perfect hearing again, but the aids most certainly help.

My H is also hearing impaired and also won't wear his aid which can be frustrating, but it's his choice. The most difficult aspect is that 'deafness' is a hidden disability. The number of people who have told me that I can't be wearing hearing aids! The only way to convince them is to show them the evidence :-)

I would not be without my hearing aids. I remember the first time I wore them...straight from specsavers where I got them to have lunch at a nearby restaurant. I felt as if I was listening in on peoples conversations...was so strange. A whole new world opened up and I started to enjoy listening to music again. I was missing certain levels of sound which made things sound 'dull'

I love my hearing aids

Slightly different but a coincidence that I saw this when logging in.
In Church this morning was a young woman sitting in front of us, during the hymns she turned side on(we were near the front) and appeared to sign all the hymns.
We had not seen her before. After the service some of the children were going to talk to her and welcome her to the Church, they get signing at local schools here, until one pointed out that she was not really signing, just making movements simolar with her hands.
She was still made welcome but we thought it was a strange thing to do.
We have a special loop system for those using hearing aids and can provide signing if required.
My uncle was deaf and turned his hearing aid of and on when it suited him, my Dad was deaf in one ear result of a teacher hitting him very hard on the side of his head in 1924.

What a silly man, he has the means of providing a good quality of life and he's to lazy or stupid to take advantage of what's freely offered and selfish into the bargain. Try to be a bit more assertive by turning the television down when you think it's too loud, speaking once and refusing to repeat and hopefully he'll eventually get the message that his selfish attitude is affecting you and making your life intolerable.

I have tinnitus and went to a private audiologist who suggested hearing aids. They are expensive, but am paying off for them each month. The brain needs to adjust to them and I barely notice that I'm wearing them now. I have impoved hearing and the tinnitus has sunk into the background, so a result all round.

Zorro21 I have to agree with Jayanna9040- NHS hearing aids are basic, but are better than nothing. A very short term solution for you both is the sub title button - it''s an absolute godsend! In your husband's defence, present TV drama is poorly recorded and, when background music is added in, nearly indecipherable. I wear two hearing aids, from Specsavers, and my life has been turned around, but choose your Specsavers carefully, not all give as brilliant service as my local branch. Your husband's comment of not wanting his brain to get used to hearing aids is, to be brutally honest, complete nonsense. Does he wear glasses? Is his brain used to those? I didn't want to wear my NHS ones, they were big and clumsy; my present ones are so slim and neat, and near invisible, but I have to say, not cheap, on the other hand they've changed not just my life, but my whole family's and in particular my husband's. Keep on nagging, and get your husband to rejoin the wonderful world of sound - we hard of hearing people have a wonderful advantage, we can turn the volume up or down at will!

Recently visited Boots for a free hearing test.
I was finding it very difficult to hear and tv became just see and not hear. I started to live in a quite world of my own. Difficult trying to guess what people said.

It turned out both my ears were blocked with wax.
I had to put oil in them twice a day for several weeks. then have them flushed out with water via the nurse at the doctors.

Sorrow, your story is a little diffrent. May I suggest tapping him first, so he looks at you. Before you start to speak.

My specialist has told me that wearing them every day is essential because your brain actually needs to get used to them. It's not something to avoid, it's something to aim for! In my case they don't help enough for it to be worthwhile sometimes, especially if I'm not going out that day. But I am trying to take her advice and wear it anyway.

Also, I used to have an NHS one which had the traditional, quite chunky, piece that sits behind the ear. It kept falling out due to the odd shape of my ear! Very irritating. Also quite obvious to others, which made me feel old somehow. I decided to go private and get one that sits in the ear canal. Nobody would know I was wearing it. I can recommend that whole heartedly, although they are not cheap.

I'm interested in the comments about private hearing aids. I have them, couldn't do without them but I also have tinnitus which is worse some days than others. When it's bad I feel as though the hearing aids are very 'echoey' and like others have commented I probably drive people mad with asking them to repeat themselves. Some men's voices seem very loud and I am forever having to adjust the volume. The hearing aid dispenser says there is nothing wrong with them but it's just my ears! I must admit to being disappointed having spent so much money on what I was told were the very best you could buy. ?

I spent several hours in a store listening to different soundbars, I was not impressed with the cheaper ones, you seemed to get what you paid for. If you do listen to music, a blue tooth one is good as you can play music from your phone via bluetooth.