Christmas

Once you have GC you have to get on with it. My Ex & I did not speak until first GC's 1st birthday- our sons' weddings were a trial TBH.
Now we get on fine- just as well as we have 6 GC. I have re-married- he hasn't.
It was worse for him than for me as I left him but we loved each other enough to spend 18 years together once so there had to be something. He & 2nd husband are civil to each other too- never going to be mates!

Get in there, be part of it, dress up and show him what he's missing girl!!

I would take a book and explain to my daughter that when he arrives I will go and read for a bit in another room. Hopefully you would be able to do it before he actually comes in so that you could avoid him altogether. Or take your laptop or computer or anything else that you like to do for a short time.
It would be a shame not to go. Hopefully he will come early so that you can put it behind you and relax for most of the day.
If you are really not strong enough, hopefully your daughter will understand. My mother would fall apart if my father even rang her about anything after they separated and she would not have been able to cope with this so if you really can't, don't be hard on yourself.
Are you close enough so that she could ring you after he has been? - although that obviously wouldn't work if he arrives in the late evening.

Don't give up a whole day with your grandchild because your ex is popping in, you are allowing him to have control over you even if he isn't seeking it

Go, you never know it could be the first step to a reconciliation with your ex.

The first Christmas after my ex an I separated I spent with my youngest son and friends not by choice but to cut a long story short he was being a pain following me sitting outside my home and generally being threatening and abusive because of this I knew he would turn up and cause trouble if I stayed at home or either of my daughters homes I really regret this now it was sad for me and my son not to be with family even though friends were lovely I feel now I let him control how I spent the day just bite your tongue and be happy with your family Christmas days good and bad stay in your memory.

If he is just 'popping in', he probably won't stay long and you will more than likely have spent some quality time with your DD already. I'd suggest going for a lie down or an extended visit to the loo when he arrives and a reappearance once he's gone. That way the most you'll have to do is to say "hello. Sorry, would you excuse me I've got to pop to the loo/go for a lie down/go for a walk" and make your temporary exit.

conners13 From what you say I get the impression that you have been asked for the day and he is just being allowed to 'pop in', so it would seem your daughter wants you there. As the others have said grin and bear it and spend as much time in the kitchen as possible during his visit. Good luck x

I go to all family events..I have 4 children by my ex and lots of grandchildren so many celebrations. Grin and bare it.its one day and means a lot to your daughter.

The times I've cut of my nose to spite my face, but I don't do anything that I don't want to. I certainly would not go any where, that I would find uncomfortable, but I've never really been in your situation so, Good Luck

Surely you want to be with your GC on its first Christmas? You would just be 'cutting off your nose to spite your face'. You say he is only 'popping in'. Have your hair done, buy a new outfit, have a stiff drink and be polite to him for the sake of the family. What happens this Christmas will set the precedent for years to come and not only for Christmas.

I'm with the ... show him how happy you are !!!

Go to your daughter and enjoy your day with your new grandchild.

.Slap a great big 'I'm so happy' (without you, you loser) face on. Best way to show you 'frankly don't give a damn'.

Its you daughters first Xmas with her baby - don't spoil her day just potter about in the kitchen or something when he visits.

Thank you

As others have said, ignore him and busy yourself with the baby. You may regret going somewhere warm for a few days, upsetting your DD.

I would go to your daughter's and enjoy the baby. You might regret going elsewhere and not being with your family, and probably cause some upset.
If the weather is pleasant you could always go for a walk, otherwise as others have said, turn a deaf ear, busy yourself and wait for him to go!

I think you should spend Christmas with your family and if that means plastering on a smile/grimace for the short time your ex will be in the house so be it. You risk upsetting your daughter by not accepting her invite you will show the ex how his presence doesn't bother you anymore. You can busy yourself with the baby or the washing up to separate yourself if you need to.

its one day grin and bear it!