Christmas

its one day grin and bear it!

I think you should spend Christmas with your family and if that means plastering on a smile/grimace for the short time your ex will be in the house so be it. You risk upsetting your daughter by not accepting her invite you will show the ex how his presence doesn't bother you anymore. You can busy yourself with the baby or the washing up to separate yourself if you need to.

I would go to your daughter's and enjoy the baby. You might regret going elsewhere and not being with your family, and probably cause some upset.
If the weather is pleasant you could always go for a walk, otherwise as others have said, turn a deaf ear, busy yourself and wait for him to go!

As others have said, ignore him and busy yourself with the baby. You may regret going somewhere warm for a few days, upsetting your DD.

Thank you

Its you daughters first Xmas with her baby - don't spoil her day just potter about in the kitchen or something when he visits.

Go to your daughter and enjoy your day with your new grandchild.

.Slap a great big 'I'm so happy' (without you, you loser) face on. Best way to show you 'frankly don't give a damn'.

I'm with the ... show him how happy you are !!!

Surely you want to be with your GC on its first Christmas? You would just be 'cutting off your nose to spite your face'. You say he is only 'popping in'. Have your hair done, buy a new outfit, have a stiff drink and be polite to him for the sake of the family. What happens this Christmas will set the precedent for years to come and not only for Christmas.

The times I've cut of my nose to spite my face, but I don't do anything that I don't want to. I certainly would not go any where, that I would find uncomfortable, but I've never really been in your situation so, Good Luck

I go to all family events..I have 4 children by my ex and lots of grandchildren so many celebrations. Grin and bare it.its one day and means a lot to your daughter.

conners13 From what you say I get the impression that you have been asked for the day and he is just being allowed to 'pop in', so it would seem your daughter wants you there. As the others have said grin and bear it and spend as much time in the kitchen as possible during his visit. Good luck x

If he is just 'popping in', he probably won't stay long and you will more than likely have spent some quality time with your DD already. I'd suggest going for a lie down or an extended visit to the loo when he arrives and a reappearance once he's gone. That way the most you'll have to do is to say "hello. Sorry, would you excuse me I've got to pop to the loo/go for a lie down/go for a walk" and make your temporary exit.

The first Christmas after my ex an I separated I spent with my youngest son and friends not by choice but to cut a long story short he was being a pain following me sitting outside my home and generally being threatening and abusive because of this I knew he would turn up and cause trouble if I stayed at home or either of my daughters homes I really regret this now it was sad for me and my son not to be with family even though friends were lovely I feel now I let him control how I spent the day just bite your tongue and be happy with your family Christmas days good and bad stay in your memory.

Go, you never know it could be the first step to a reconciliation with your ex.

Don't give up a whole day with your grandchild because your ex is popping in, you are allowing him to have control over you even if he isn't seeking it

I would take a book and explain to my daughter that when he arrives I will go and read for a bit in another room. Hopefully you would be able to do it before he actually comes in so that you could avoid him altogether. Or take your laptop or computer or anything else that you like to do for a short time.
It would be a shame not to go. Hopefully he will come early so that you can put it behind you and relax for most of the day.
If you are really not strong enough, hopefully your daughter will understand. My mother would fall apart if my father even rang her about anything after they separated and she would not have been able to cope with this so if you really can't, don't be hard on yourself.
Are you close enough so that she could ring you after he has been? - although that obviously wouldn't work if he arrives in the late evening.

Get in there, be part of it, dress up and show him what he's missing girl!!

Once you have GC you have to get on with it. My Ex & I did not speak until first GC's 1st birthday- our sons' weddings were a trial TBH.
Now we get on fine- just as well as we have 6 GC. I have re-married- he hasn't.
It was worse for him than for me as I left him but we loved each other enough to spend 18 years together once so there had to be something. He & 2nd husband are civil to each other too- never going to be mates!

You have been invited, he is just popping in.

Your daughter wants to include her father who has obviously hurt you very much but he is still her father. Also this man was someone you loved at one time so hold those memories and by always thinking of the hurt you are continuing to let him hurt you without him doing anything.

Do not dwell on it from now to December 25th It won't be as bad as you think or if it is then your state of mind will have contributed to making it difficult. Everyone will admire you and be grateful for behaving well. The others have given you lots of coping strategies. Have a happy Christmas with your family.

Go, and keep hold of that grand child, and just let him have a bit of a look..........you and your daughter are the stars of this show......Christmas is a nice maternal, nurturing time of year.he can be Santa, someone who pops in leaves a present and goes home.

Don't let your feelings rob you of anything precious. He might yet get man flu and be in bed all over the holidays.

You seem have some lovely children and grandchildren from your marriage so it can't have been all bad. You risk more by holding out against your ex than by going with the flow and just being polite to him.

I am very grateful to members of my own family who have risen above deep-seated differences so that we can all have a good time together.

Out of love for your daughter you really should go along with the plan. Declining her invitation is a bit of a slap in the face. Absenting yourself from their house when your ex is there isn't much better. Your new grandchild will be the star of the show; you could (as PPs have already suggested) busy yourself in the kitchen for much of the time without making difficulties for anyone if you can't bear to spend all of the time in the same room as your ex.

I suggest you pop a bottle of champagne in the fridge and once he's gone (perhaps give it five minutes or so to avoid indecent haste) bring it out to toast your kind hosts. They will be so grateful to you for making a potentially difficult situation easier and you can internally toast your fortitude and good manners!

In the main I agree. Def go. Do it for daughter and grandchild. Have a bath after you ve said hello, have a big glass champagne in the bath, give them an hour alone with the dad/ grandpa, then go into kitchen and potter.