Christmas

For one day,smile sweetly and enjoy the day. After all it's about the baby and its'your Grandchilds 1st Christmas. Not worth to use your DD's words cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Remember this is the first Christmas you are having to face this situation but, there will probably be many more. Your daughter is obviously aware of how you feel and, you could find that if you jump ship this year an invitation to spend subsequent Christmas days with your family may not be forthcoming. When he arrives, make yourself busy and act graciously.

*your daughter's baby, rather. Oops!

I agree with what people are saying. I think you should go and make the most of your baby's first Christmas. If he's only popping in then that will be such a small part of your day, you won't even remember it later on.

there is only ONE first Christmas with your grandchild, grab it and enjoy it. Then go somewhere warm!

Why let him control your life and your pleasure in your grandchild? It's unlikely that you'll be able to avoid him forever so get dressed up and go and show him you're better off without him.

Go and enjoy the day explain to your daughter you will disappear while ex is there it will give you time to catch up on gransnet !

You should certainly go and enjoy the day with your DD & DGC it is the first of many occasions where you will both be invited,Christenings/Birthdays/etc so get your best dress on and enjoy.

I agree with shortlegs and craftycat.
I went through a few difficult years when ex was with the woman who contributed to the breakup. I managed to be civil eg at christenings but it was hard going.
Then he rediscovered and married an old friend from uni. We'd almost lost touch though still exchanged C cards.
Now we really are good friends - sharing GCs and school runs etc - and he hosts a lovely extended family boxing day gettogether.
Go, relax, cope in your own way and maybe one of these days it will no longer be a trial to be endured.
Good luck - it can be done.

You will regret not sharing your DGC's first Christmas, and your ex is only 'popping in' you say, not there for the whole day.

Look your best, but disappear into the kitchen/bedroom/wherever if you really can't bear him.
Otherwise smile and don't give him the advantage over you of making you change your plans.

You should go, enjoy your family Christmas and when he turns up just take a long hard look and think how much better off you are without him. Don't let him stop you from enjoying your GCs first Christmas.

Agree with above, go, and armed with a glass of fizz, absent yourself when the ex pops in. Be the bigger person, say hello and then give him some time with the family while you go off and chop veg, have a lie down, watch the Christmas film whatever is appropriate at the time. I had an acrimonious split 30+ years ago and next saw ex at DDs wedding 3 years ago. Stayed civil, said hi, even a cheek kiss, then busied myself with other things. No chit chat, but no nastiness either.

Only you can really decide this matter.You know how you will feel with your ex in the room, we don't.If it is so bad, I would have thought that your daughter may have staggered the visits, you on Christmas Day, and your ex ( her Father ?) the next day.
Be honest with your DD about it rather than endure a horrible day.?

I agree with many of the comments, if you can't bear to be in the same room take Laptop, Tablet, Mobile Phone or good book & make your excuses - could be you need to contact friends or relatives who are on their own & you promised to be in touch on Christmas Day to cheer them up.

Don't miss out on this magical time, work out strategy with your DD

Dress up, best make-up, hair done - smile & be polite (even if it's through gritted teeth) & look forward to your special day with family.

My DGS was 3 before I had Christmas Day with him as I lived too far away & DH was still alive so we went just after Christmas for a few days. But that day was magic despite being "woken" at 5.30 (I was awake & could hear him saying "Nanny are you awake" & DD trying to keep him quiet !!!!)

Please go and enjoy your grandchild's first Christmas. Your daughter will be glad of your help around this busy time, and you will hopefully get lots of special cuddles. Don't let your ex. spoil this time for you.

I completely understand having been in a similar position with my daughter. You have been invited for the day, he is only 'popping in' so I would say, do what I did, go along, enjoy baby and the day. If you need to, busy yourself elsewhere during his visit. I decided not to avoid my ex, instead I smiled politely when I said hello and goodbye. As so many others have said, you can potter in the kitchen to avoid him if he does show up but don't miss out on having a special day with your DD.
I was not going to miss out on DD and DGD + my DS was there for the day too so I wanted to see him.
I did make sure I looked especially nice for the day because I felt more confident. Hold your head up high and enjoy the day x

I agree - don't let your ex spoil the day for you. Wherever you go, however nice it might be, you won't be with the people you love, and that is what it's all about. Other people only have the power that we give them - don't give him any, dress up, smile, go, and you can always be helping in the kitchen or elsewhere playing with the baby if he is around and you feel he is 'in your space'. Good luck!

Are we really the people you should be asking advice of? Surely your daughter (who sounds nice) as the one who really knows & appreciates? your position is the one to talk to. Understandably, no matter how you feel, she'll want to see her dad too at some point. I'm sure that she will suggest the best tactics. Enjoy your time with her and her new baby and ask for her help in avoiding the ex.

DON'T grin and bear it and say thank you but no thanks and explain your reason to refuse. And yes book a few days away in a warm sunny place and don't have a conscience. Why should you frantenise (Sp?) with anyone you don't want too.

You will SO regret it if you don't go and your daughter will never be able to tell her child later that three generations were together for their first Christmas.

In the main I agree. Def go. Do it for daughter and grandchild. Have a bath after you ve said hello, have a big glass champagne in the bath, give them an hour alone with the dad/ grandpa, then go into kitchen and potter.

Out of love for your daughter you really should go along with the plan. Declining her invitation is a bit of a slap in the face. Absenting yourself from their house when your ex is there isn't much better. Your new grandchild will be the star of the show; you could (as PPs have already suggested) busy yourself in the kitchen for much of the time without making difficulties for anyone if you can't bear to spend all of the time in the same room as your ex.

I suggest you pop a bottle of champagne in the fridge and once he's gone (perhaps give it five minutes or so to avoid indecent haste) bring it out to toast your kind hosts. They will be so grateful to you for making a potentially difficult situation easier and you can internally toast your fortitude and good manners!

You seem have some lovely children and grandchildren from your marriage so it can't have been all bad. You risk more by holding out against your ex than by going with the flow and just being polite to him.

I am very grateful to members of my own family who have risen above deep-seated differences so that we can all have a good time together.

Go, and keep hold of that grand child, and just let him have a bit of a look..........you and your daughter are the stars of this show......Christmas is a nice maternal, nurturing time of year.he can be Santa, someone who pops in leaves a present and goes home.

Don't let your feelings rob you of anything precious. He might yet get man flu and be in bed all over the holidays.

You have been invited, he is just popping in.

Your daughter wants to include her father who has obviously hurt you very much but he is still her father. Also this man was someone you loved at one time so hold those memories and by always thinking of the hurt you are continuing to let him hurt you without him doing anything.

Do not dwell on it from now to December 25th It won't be as bad as you think or if it is then your state of mind will have contributed to making it difficult. Everyone will admire you and be grateful for behaving well. The others have given you lots of coping strategies. Have a happy Christmas with your family.