Hugs but no kisses

I dont think any of us should be judging or censoring Granadier. It must have taken some guts to post her feelings which are clearly worrying and upsetting her a lot. She needs reassurance and compassion.i think she's in the grip of an anxiety obsession and suffering a lot of guilt and shame. I'd recommend therapy but with someone experienced with dealing with uncomfortable feelings, ocd, shame and guilt. That might mean going private but it's worth seeing your gp first. I wonder if the infatuation is a red herring and the problem lies rather deeper. You need help dealing with it.don't suffer alone....tell your gp you're suffering uncomfortable feelings and thoughts which are obsessing you and causing you much distress. Tske it from there but emphasise the obsession. Be prepared to pay but hopefully there's low cost help.out there for you. Keep posting, Granadier, and gentle hugs to you. Xxx

Apologies for many typos but im using my phone as I'm away on holiday!

Lewlew I remember that thread you mentioned, and I was one of the few who felt that the poster should make it perfectly clear to her son that he was doing wrong. In that case, if I remember, there were very young children involved.

Personally, I am concerned that Granadier75 is going to get badly hurt, as well as others. She sounds as if this is the last thing she needs.

Granadier, something bothers me a bit about your infatuation, and the man involved.
You say that you both agreed 'not to kiss a long time ago'. This statement alone worries me as it sounds as if you have been dangling on a string for quite a while.
With that in mind, he is aware of your attraction to him and flattered I think.
I do not mean to offend you at all Granadier, but maybe, just maybe your friend is enjoying the attention of 2 women who want him?
Why does his wife not respond when he hugs her?
Maybe you should ask yourself why. Maybe he is not the man you think or even hope that he is?
He may be your 'best friend' but a best friend would not put someone that they genuinely care about as a friend, through this agony of hoping and wanting.
You have made a start now Granadier by putting your post on Gransnet where you will find help and support from so many people who understand.
You are feeling lonely, something that I understand, but you will not find any comfort from your friend.
You will only find grief.
It may sound like as cliche', but please do check out any clubs etc , and join one or two.
Trust me, at the start you may feel that it is a waste of time.
But tell me Granadier, truthfully.
What have you got to lose??????
Give it a go girl. xx

Agree with your comment.

I feel that for too long you have been waiting in the wings for something that can never happen, however,

why not realise that you have normal mature feelings and needs and direct them to someone who will reciprocate and become devoted and totally loving to you. We all need to give and receive love.

Join a dating website, there's plenty out there and stop denying yourself real and fulfilling love.

Good luck and you will find some great man who is free to love you back.

Thank you to all who replied whether harsh or not. I have known this couple for over 30 years but it was only 6 years ago that I realised that my feelings were more than maternal. I did not tell him until 2013 and I cannot remember when he started hugging me close. I have been a widow 10 years and I have not made any other friends since then.

I have a good relationship with his wife - once we went been away together on her suggestion and she did not tell me to stay away from her husband. They do not have a physical relationship. She did not object to him redecorating my house which meant he spent more time here than he did at home and was happy for me to cook for him. I think this is why I am missing him especially at lunch time! We speak a lot over the phone and whenever his wife answers she calls her husband to speak to me.

Please be assured that I shall never go beyond a hug. I am sorry that I wrote on this forum when I was missing him and wanted to tell somebody. I should like to say to all wives that it is so important to listen to your husband and take an interest in the things he likes to do and to know how he is feeling.

Why would you have maternal feelings for your friend's husband?

The whole set-up sounds a bit odd to me. You say you can't remember when he started hugging you close, and you have a good relationship with his wife. Which one of them told you they had no physical relationship?

Not sure what you expected, advice-wise, if anything...

Regarding the advice you so kindly gave to " wives " listen to your husbands "take interest " mmmm must be where I went wrong !!!!!! NOT

His wife obviously cares about and trusts you ,please don't even give either of them an inkling how you feel or you'll lose two very good friends.

My husbsnd left after 33 years of marriage and we had our ups and downs as any long term relationship does. Never ever did I believe he would leave and when he did I was bereft for years, it's been 13 years now. The first twelve months following his going, all I wanted to do was die. We have 4 beautiful and successful daughters who were adults at the time but they too were distraught. He was as much to blame as the woman who worked on him for 9 years, but she was dertermined to get him at whatever cost. There are predatory women out there who will split a couple up and then get fed up soon after they have ruined everything. Leave well alone, he is taken and does not need you playing up to him. Unfortunately they are easily led.

Grannygrint123..... your story mirrors mine it's been 5years and it still hurts

Granadier75 how dare you say listen to your husband and take an interest. Women do not need friends like you. I did give you the benefit of the doubt but your last comment... really? Are you just winding everyone up ?... not a real person maybe.

Granadier75, have you got money ? have you told your love interest that he is your beneficiary ? n...... just wondering !!

Thank you Jud and Jalima, I am now starting to think that this couple wants a wife in the OP... really!

Maybe maternal is not the word.... sisterly is maybe what she means regarding their past relationship?

Again, I am a newbie but has the OP been on GN for a while as a participant? Some of these new topics coming up recently seem, erm... unusual, almost a script for a soap!

Life is all about choices and I know I have made wrong choices on more than one occasion.

My advice would be to keep the friendship platonic..if it became more and then you or he withdrew from that then you lose the friendship too.

Broaden your friendship group if you can, try online dating if you are looking for more than friendship.

Lewlew Yes, quite a lot of unfamiliar posters have been appearing lately, and a lot of dramatic stories. Everything seems to go in cycles. Maybe it is catching.

If this man is showing any encouragement, he deserves to shoulder the blame equally. 'It takes two to tango!'

Just thinking a bit more and I hate to say this Granadier but maybe your friends both just feel very sorry for you and are being kind.. All the rest could just be in your mind!

Lewlew it has also occurred to me that some new posts seem provocative in a 'researching' sort of way. I suppose that would denote just another 'user'!

On the other hand it is just a rehash of so much that is 'out there' in that one person wants what he/she perceives another to have and then works their way in to prise apart and take over. I have seen so much of it and it sickens me.

This particular scenario is as old as the hills and the op is deluded if she thinks it will end happily.

DH is of the opinion that the husband is a poor specimen with little common sense or decency and clearly feels in need of an ego boost. I told him not to hang back and just tell me what he really thinks!

Just take him into your lavender boudoir and enjoy it but don't tell the wife. I am sorry that you are sorry for writing on this forum. Don't be. Look at the number of replies. GN loves a good romantic story. .

Why so shallow Hovegoldfish ? This is neither good nor romantic but merely pathetically tawdry and shabby.

This has always been a troll thread. I am not shallow, I am just laughing at the thoughts of this knitting forum .

I am not a hovegoldfish? Have another Chardonny.

Maybe whoever that is aimed at would prefer Chardonnay, Ilovegoldfish
#anyonecanmisreadanunusualname

Firstly 5 years younger is nothing.....and secondly you are not the one who is attached he is. You are not a twenty year old enticing a man away from his 60 something wife!
If this man didn't want to spend time with you, he wouldn't , and if he chooses to be with you rather than his wife, it's him who is deciding to do so ,not you, he can say "no"! If someone's husband gets enticed away from his wife....it's HIS Fault not the enticer...

It takes two....