Doing too much ?

ignoring the parts of this that don't really make sense

sounds to me that you and your daughter don't communicate well on both sides

She thought you were "Babysitting" - i.e. leaving her free, you thought you were having the kids to take on holiday as you wish - i.e. not leaving her free

all of this would have been avoided if you had both been a bit more explicit about your plans for this time

have you got into the habit of almost factoring your daughter out of things and just handing over/picking up the kids without much of a relationship between the two of you? - that's not going to be sustainable

I have to say I think quite a few people have gone off topic. Forestgirl4 has, in my opinion, a reasonable gripe with her daughter who I believe is being very selfish. She obviously does help her daughter quite a bit and a little thank you such as looking after the animals is a small payback. Perhaps if you withdrew your help for a short period of time it might make her realise just how much you are helping.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all! Sometimes things get taken for granted and people need reminding how lucky they are. I would have loved you as my children's grandmother Forestgirl4 and my children would have loved you too, it was as much as my mother could do to have them for a few days and then only 1 at a time as have both was 'too much' for her! Anyone who offers the parents some child free time is wonderful in my opinion and to pay to take them on holiday even better! Well done you

I have horses and absolutely understand your situation. I don't think 1 hour a day is much to ask for taking the grandchildren away at all. Gives you peace of mind too.

It's not easy to find trustworthy people for the animals.

When your daughter goes away you have both ! Horse (or horses ) and children. So why can't she do just one hour a day?

But I do understand you have to pick the right moment /day for organising because some days are difficult...I too have a daughter and granddaughter ??

Sorry that you have had some passive aggressive comments forestgirl. The problems with forums such as these, is that some people just speak their mind without thinking that you might be upset by their comments. I think you are doing a great job, and that some more communication with your daughter is needed. The law of reciprocity is that if we do something nice, or are helpful to someone, they will do a good deed in return.

If you get any aggressive comments, report it. No one should be made to feel worse than they already feel. It's called bullying.

My daughter works part time and did not wish to take any holiday herself

This story doesn't add up:

"my daugher doesn't want to mind the horses because she want's to go away herself"
and
"I'm taking the children without her because she doesn't want to go away"

- mutually exclusive statements OP

Firestgirl .... I think I understand why you posted ..... 'cos sometimes when you get something off your chest, it helps to see the situation more clearly.

So despite some of the replies, I hope it's helped you to understand the tricky problem.

Me? I would be taking myself off on a riding holiday to somewhere fantastic .... Alone!

Good luck with everything x

Having read all the comments, it sounds to me that you are being very helpful and before this situation, had a good 'working' relationship with your daughter.As you say, she can't have it both ways, but you need to talk with her and get this sorted.

OP please don't give up on Gransnet. Yes some responses can be unnecessarily hurtful but the others generally help you to hold a mirror to your situation and find a way through. Sometimes the only solace is that you're not the only one in your boat.
It sounds like you're having a rough time with your DD right now but it'll pass. Be thankful you have such a great relationship with the GC and hope they don't pick up on any tension. They want the 2 most important women in their lives to get along. Good luck x

I think the problem with earlier posts was that the full story was not there.
If you are feeling resentful forestgirl then it's time to look again at your arrangements. Things have a habit of increasing without us noticing until the situation becomes a problem. Your daughter is lucky to have all your help and there should be some give and take. Try to talk things through with her calmly, not always easy I know from experience. Good luck

Sounds like a tricky situation op.
Can I ask who looks after the horses when you're away without the dgc?
It does sound like your daughter is over relying on you for childcare. I understand you & dgc enjoy your time together.
Do they have contact with their dad? Can he not offer some overnights or a friend so your daughter can go to this party?
If you had an arrangement regarding the horses with your daughter she should honour them imo. Maybe you need to reassess the arrangements & act accordingly.
Dd cannot have it all ways, cake & eat it!! ??

I was thinking of posting on here for the first time about the situation I find myself in but having read the replies on here I am not sure I can stomach it!! It could just make me feel worse.

I agree she is lucky to have you.A super-competent practical horsey granny! On the face of it it's a perfect tit-for-tat arrangement.

Maybe there's something else bubbling under? Some underlying resentment on her behalf which she can't /won't articulate?

I think odd has a salient point too. I think there may well be a generational component to the problem. I think this current generation of women do indeed expect more from those around them and see "chores" as something they can contract out quite easily to other women without realising that those same women may well feel less than enthusiastic. I have a cousin like this; he sees other people, and women in particular, as servants who will do his bidding without question. I've not experienced this from my dd yet, thankfully.

My mother refused to help me with childcare and that's absolutely her right. My child, my problem.

Which is perhaps what the op's dd needs to be mindful of, too.

I just stumped up for a foreign holiday, enjoyed by all I have to say, but now that we are back I have noticed heavy hints about where we could go 'next time'. I am not taking heed! If I do I know from experience it will become expected. This generation seem to think that the world owes them a living. They need to face up to reality.

If your daughter cannot bring herself to look after your horses whilst you take her children away, don't do it again! She will get the message sooner or later.

How long will her pary going entail her being away? If it's only one night, or two, out of a week, maybe she could pay for the horse cover and then she'd be back to check on the horses heself.

As soon as you mention the word 'horse' maybe a bit of jealousy kicks in. Horse usually equals money. Your daughter sounds a little spoilt, she cant have it all ways. A bit of animal sitting isnt much considering the break she gets. i would have loved to have a mother to give me a break now and again when my children were young, she is very lucky to have you.

I think daughter sound s selfish little madam. Has lots of childfree time. Regardless of whether forest enjoys time away with DGC her DD should help when needed.

Forestgirl14 Well firstly I think you're entirely justified, you are obviously being taken for granted. It's a lesson for all of us, I've been asked to look after GS one day a week next year. Not a big commitment but my husband needs care. So I shall be careful to establish ground rules from the start. Good luck. I must say I too was surprised at the tone of some posts as a new poster.

Sounds to me like the timing was out a bit, a party special to her was no possible if she did the horses and you went away at the same time.

She is lucky to have you and so are the GC a healthy, capable, horsey granny, what's not to like?

She was disappointed by the sound of it...........my parents used to sweep n and carry my kids off on random weekends when they wanted to...I was often left feeling fed up, skint and unable to utilise the free time as well as I might have done with more notice.

That is life, it is full of odd shapes and sharp edges.

Hello forestgirl. I echo the sentiments of Gangan. I was also a single mum for several years with no help whatsoever from father or stepmother nearby. I also tried to be helpful to all 3of my daughters until I got cancer. Then the younger 2 complained after my treatment that I was unhelpful and said many hurtful things. Talking to them made it worse so my suggestion would be to tread carefully! Time seems to help and maybe you might want to be less readily available for your daughter. Please keep posting on this forum. We aren't all unhelpful and unsupportive as you have seen. Much hugs!

I only wish I could take my youngest grandchild away - the others are a bit too old to want to go.
BUT when I go away myself I pay my lodger £10 a day to look after my cat so I don't feel obliged to her - makes holidays a bit dearer but stops me worrying.

Oh my GanGan1304

That is just so out of order on your daughter's part. You are right... best nipped in the bud!

I understand the feeling of being 'taken-for-granted' by said daughter!

I think children with children start out being openly grateful and are reluctant to impose. However, once in a 'routine', it's easy for a grandparent's availability to be taken for granted. It might just be human nature vs an ungrateful daughter. There's a lot of 'I want it now!' in the current generation. Fine, as long as the immediacy does not bugger my plans up!

You need to sort out some guidelines with her about making plans and that you need notice if she is not going to be available to reciprocate with horse care when you take her kids away for hols.

All boils down to the 6P Principle.... Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance!

This is a difficult situation which I feel has a lot to do with the status of women in the different generations.
My daughter definitely sees me as someone who does housework and childcare and herself as someone who gets paid for work and pays for cleaning and childcare.
She seems to believe that I am happy being an unpaid domestic help the way I was when she was a child while women of her generation can't be expected to!