Doing too much ?

Help !

Has it occurred to you that perhaps your daughter would like to take her children on holiday herself occasionally?

If you can afford to take your GC away so frequently, then surely you can afford to pay someone to look after your horses for one hour a day and take your daughter with you...

Ana It has occurred to me that there are some slightly odd posts asking for help on here at the moment.



It might just be me though

No one is stopping her taking her children away herself and in deed she has done.

With regard to me paying someone to look after my horses and taking my daughter with me; well my daughter would rather have the child free time and it does not seem unreasonable for her to help me a little in return for giving her this freedom.

Silly me, I thought that was the idea of these forums to ask for help.[hmmm]

Oh, don't mind me.

Or me!

Not sure what sort of help you want, though...

Only one hour per day for horses (in the plural)?

I'm presuming these horses must live out then, all year out and not need extra feed, grooming, New Zealands, checking over???

And does this include driving to and from their field?

I don't understand what help you feel anyone can offer you.

Why is forest girl attracting such unpleasant replies for goodness sake?

Having animals is limiting when holidays are involved, we have the same problem and can only be away if a member of the family will call and do animals.

It is not as simple as paying someone else, sadly people take your money and let you down, so leaving a family member is charge is often the best option.

OP, perhaps your daughter is having a bad day, to me it does not seem a bad deal for her, some time to herself in return for doing your horses.

mumofmadboys I'm simply querying the OP's assertion that looking after her horses only takes one hour per day. I'd be very surprised if this is the case, especially if that hour includes travelling time.

I agree it doesn't seem a bad deal, even if it does take longer, but there's a lot more going on here?

I'm thinking this might have arisen at this time because it's half term. Was the daughter looking to go away at this time herself and have her plans been overturned. Is that why she's narky? Has this happened before?

Need a bit more information.

Just feeling down in the dumps; I try really hard to help my daughter in giving her what she wants, time and wondered what other people's view was on her resenting helping me ! Am I being unfair?

The only thing 'going on' is what I have written.

My daughter works part time and did not wish to take any holiday herself, hence my having the children. We have always agreed that if I go away with the GC she helps with the animals. Should she wish to go away on her own It will be when I am at home, when I am happy still to have the children but it enables me to look after the animal myself.

She cannot have it all ways. They are her children after all.

Normally my horse would take longer per day, but all she has to do is check and feed them; they are very close to where she lives.

Thank you Hilltopgran for your understanding of my situation.

Reliable animal care is difficult to find, which is why my daughter and I decided that we help each other. It is only now, for no apparent reason that she has decided it is 'not convenient' !

Anya, I mistakenly wrote on this out of desperation to get a take on my childcare offerings verses my daughter's reluctance to help me now.

My horses are exceptionally well cared for, she only has to check them, she lives close by. This is not an animal welfare issue !

Sounds fair enough to me forestgirl I can only think in her defence perhaps she is not as animal-minded as you and perhaps there is some horsemad teenager who would jump at the chance. However you are not being unfair BUT is it worth falling out or creating an atmosphere over? If you can take a deep breath and keep your sense of humour you will both be happier -don't let this become an "issue" ???

I think your daughter is an ungrateful little madam.

You have her children 24/7. One hour a day caring for the horses is the least she can do.

Ninathenana, I am at a loss with these Forums then; people supposedly write in when they have a situation, which they are not sure they are handling well or fairly. It invites others to give their take on the situation, possibly to help resolve matters.

That is 'what help' I was looking for.

I have certainly learned my lesson, I joined this site because I felt isolated, well after this I feel ten times worse.
I am obviously a totally crap Granny and shouldn't expect any sort of help or reasonable behaviour from my daughter.

I was only looking for friendly advice not pity.

Daphne, the problem I have with 'outsiders' looking after the animals is largely security of my home, who else do they tell that I am away... also reliability.

I am not trying to fall out with her or create an atmosphere, but it has been a two way arrangement which has worked well and should she decide not to keep to her side of the bargain and help me then I cannot take the GC away.

Thank you Vampirequeen.

Forest girl I think its a bit unclear what you want from folk on here ?

You say you had a two way arrangement that worked well so it appears this is the first time it's gone pear shaped, which implies that your daughter may have had other plans for the half term or maybe is just unable to keep her side of the bargain this time Could it be mis communication between you both? Does she instigate you taking the children away ? Or is it something you want to do for YOU as well as them? What's to stop you have the children and staying at home then the children can help with the horses do you have to go away every time ? I m sorry for all the questions but there does seem so much more to have caused this than your short original query touches on and answers rely on information a few more clarifying thoughts ... what is frequently? How old are the kids? Is daughter a hard working single mum or is there a dad?

Vampire girl there's nothing like jumping to conclusions why on earth would you call the daughter an ungrateful little madam when you know absolutely diddly squit about the situation and where did original poster say she had the children 24/7 ? It really sounds as if forestgirl and daughter have had a good working plan until this time which went wrong for whatever reason isn't clear .... just a guess but could it be that the frequently going away is too frequent for the mum.? could it be this was a time too much ? Could it be that daughter doesn't like horses, not everyone does

I don't understand how anyone can help with such a brief synopsis of the little story unless forsetgirl wasn't looking for answers but just a group hug

You are obviously upset Forestgirl and for that?

Bluebell, As previously mentioned I just wanted some help with working out if I was being unreasonable.
I always ask, my daughter if she would like me to have her children, I have never got the impression that it was something she did not want. I do not impose myself on her or her family. But I will now reassess that.
The last time I took the children to my pension pot cottage, she let me down with our arrangement and I had to pay someone else to look after the animals; this proved far from satisfactory.
I would not have agreed to take the children this time if I had thought she was going to back out of our agreement again.
The children, love coming away with Granny and my daughter sees it, I am told, as a welcome break, she encourages it.
Yes, she is on her own, as I was, when bringing up my two, however I had no help what so ever so I have moved heaven and earth to support her in every possible way, including giving her'me' time.
My daughter is a life long rider so I guess she likes horses.
I have also said that I will have the children when I am at home should she wish to go away.
She is up in arms because she wants to go to a party a couple hundred of miles away which would then compromise the animal care arrangement. If I don't take the children, she cannot go anyway. Why should I stay at home to fit in with her all the time. The Cottage is my bolt hole to which all children/grandchildren are welcome. She chooses to stay at home on her own.
I forgo quite a lot to help her and the fact she has to miss one party is not unreasonable. She is well into her thirties and had many years of freedom before she chose, to have children. She cannot have it all ways and I am going from feeling that I am being helpful to being misguided and possibly doing too much, which is the original title of the post and to what I wanted some input from.

Any time resentment kicks in you know you're doing too much! Sometimes in life that can't be avoided for a short period but it's a real signal that something needs to change. But do you want to give up having your grandchildren as much as you do? Or is it that you want the granchildren and just want you daughter to make it possible by having the horses?