children who emigrate / how do you cope?

Emilie, how very rude. Where do your children live? If they are miles away , well thousands of miles away, please give us constructive advice as to how you cope.

My son lives in Taiwan with his wife and my grandaughter now 3. it's a long trek to visit but he is very happy. I knew he would never come back when I first took him to the airport 7 years ago. Makes me very sad that I will never have a full relationship with my grandaughter but my son is happy in his life and I Skype and visit when I can. How times have changed in a relatively short space. In my day we used to marry a lad in the adjoining village not someone thousands of miles away ?

That's rather harsh emilie - the OP knows she has to get on with her life, but she can't help how she feels. And by expressing her feelings, sharing them with others can provide an outlet for her pain.

Did anyone say that!!!

Stop feeling sorry for yourselves and get on with your own lives!

My daughter has lived in America for 14 years, is married to an American and they have 2 children. I thought my heart would truly break the day she flew there for good. We were so close and I went through a very difficult time. There was no Skype then or easy communication via texting. Although we are not rich, we make sacrifices to make sure we visit once a year and often they visit us so we see each other twice a year. I was lucky enough to go on my own for both my grandchildren's births and my daughter is wonderful in keeping in touch via Skype and making sure the children know us. I don't any long feel the heartache, although it wold be lovely to have them all near, but I have gained so many wonderful experiences by visiting America.

Sometimes in their busy lives, communication can be sparse, but I make an effort to keep in touch and email them or Skype them and never ever show any resentment or sadness to them.

Oh dear, my post came across as one big moan, didnt mean it to sound like that. Yes we miss them very much, but they seem very happy and have a great life. I just miss seeing our GS growing up and our sone was a great hugger and miss that too.

We have great memories of lovely family times but it's just me and DH now so making the most of every day.

My daughter too emigrated, thirteen years ago to Australia (she married an Australian). She then quite swiftly went on to have three children, now aged 11, 9 and 7 years. I have always struggled with it although I am very fortunate to see them every other year. I do, however, feel that I have missed so much of my grandchildren's lives and do not know them as much as I should. I miss the 'popping in' for coffee, going to the kids' birthday celebrations and generally just not being able to give them a big hug!

Yes, I miss them dearly but they are happy and have a good lifestyle. It was my daughter's choice and I just had to respect that and let her go. Miss her every day.

So many of us in the same situation. Our son, his wife and son went to Australia in March 2012, our grandson was 5 at the time. We have a daughter and two other grandchildren who live quite near us but we don't see much of them now as the children are grown up, one working away from home and the other at Uni. It all happened so quickly with our son as his company offered him a massive promotion in Australia and I do understand what a wonderful opportunity it was for them. We have visited in 2013 but due to health issues and finances can't see us going again. They have told us they have no intention of coming "home" for a visit as there are other places they want to go! I was so hurt when they said that as they expect us and our daughter to go over there.

Our daughter misses them so much but when we were chatting the other day she said se feels like she has no brother any more. He never gets in touch with her and only facetimes us after I get in touch via email first.

They have a lovely life over there, but as we are getting older I miss them more and more, can't help thinking that we will probably never see them again. Sorry for the long post but sometimes just need to get it off my chest. So Jordana, I can understand exactly how you are feeling.

That's the sad part bluecat. ...... to realise you are not part of their lives any longer

Having a child emigrate is incredibly painful. It's even worse to have to say goodbye to grandkids. Mine are 4,000 miles away in Wisconsin, happily settled into American life and undoubtedly going to stay there forever. If I'm honest, I've got to admit that we're not really part of their lives any more, except for a weekly chat with DD on Skype. They've been gone 2 years and I don't know when we'll be able to visit them. I don't think they'll ever visit us, as they seem to have brushed the dust of the UK from their feet for good. Of course, I'm happy they've got a good life - I'm just sorry for me.

I don't think it's selfish to be sad that your family is far, far away. It's human.

The other thing is, JessM, that we tend not to have many other holidays!!
Our neighbours are always going off in the UK, Europe etc but we are saving up for our next visit.
Although we did combine it with a lovely holiday last year and try to go off somewhere different each time, even if just for a long weekend so we have done things and seen places that we would never have dreamed of going to.

All our family leave three hours away and we keep in touch via Messenger and Face Time. They are brilliant

Oh yes storynanny its a bit insensitive isn't it when you tell people your GK are on the other side of the planet and they say "oh lovely" and make remarks about holidays. i try not to be grumpy and say "it's a family visit not a holiday" but just smile sweetly. A holiday would be going somewhere with DH rather than trekking all that way on my own. And coping with the jet lag on return. And if you stay with them it is not exactly relaxing being a house guest for a couple of weeks without a car. (do I want to take to the busy roads with jet lag and kids - no thanks)
I have got to grips with public transport over there, so now GK are big enough to hop on and off buses and trains it is easier than when they were little. Family day ticket in Perth is a winner as you can go as far as you like on buses and trains. And kids these days probably find public transport a treat in itself.

Oh Jordana you are not alone my youngest daughter and 2 GD emigrated to Australia 6 years ago my GDs are now 6 & 11. I have another daughter and GD 5 minutes from me but both my DD and myself miss them awfully. Last year myself, DD and GD went to Australia for Christmas it was amazing to all be together again in the glorious sunshine,but,that was a one off for us due to finances, work and school it will be a long time before we all spend Christmas together again. I'm struggling now Christmas is looming and I'm feeling like a bah humbug but I have to show willing for my other GD. Also as I turned 60 this year it's played heavy on my mind about if I was to get ill whether I would even see them again a feeling I've had to shrug off. But like you we miss them terribly but we do FaceTime every week which is a god send. They have a wonderful life but I wish they were nearer.

May I join in? I've just left a daughter and two DGCs in Geneva. Dd pulled out all the stops ,spent astonishing amounts of money on us,took us out sight seeing but it's not being able to mention the daily trivia which keeps the conversation flowing. We hadn't seen them at home for several years and I suspect it was my fault because I'm an interfering old bat- long story- but in the end we said we would be available for visit over half term so basically they had to invite us. I wanted to sort out power of attorney changes and make some financial matters clear which I did but I feel we will never go back. Although there are nice places in Switzerland Geneva can be dull and DH constantly points out the cost of everything. The children have really grown away from us now and DH finds the noise of City life makes it impossible for him to sleep. I feel sad in my bones. I have a good life here but I am now the only married one left of all my close friends and I keep looking at DH anxiously . We are going on a holiday of a life time next week but I have the suspicion that it will also be a last fanfare. Geneva can be further than Australia or Seattle at times.

I can't remember the last time we all had Christmas together; it must be years and years.

It helps to know that there are so many others in the same position, and all your comments echo my own. My daughter has lived in California for almost 30 years, married to an American, no children, but four dogs. My elder son has been in several countries and is now in Ukraine - divorced, no children. My younger son lives in Dubai with wife and two daughters. As many grandparents have said, we have to be grateful that they are content with their lives. If we brought them up to be independent we can hardly complain when they are! Looking on the positive side, we have been to America every year for 20 years, Dubai, Ukraine and all over Europe many times. I hate to say it, but it gets worse as you get older and deteriorating health plus extortionate insurance prevents you from travelling. We now rely on Skype and twice-yearly visits from family in Dubai. You could describe it as feast and famine!

I do understand how you feel story nanny, it,s much better to see the grandchildren little and often as you get to know them growing up into teenagers and young adults. Once or twice a year is fine and better than not at all if you are so lucky. As you say once the grandkids get older they have their own social lives to consider and grandparents are on the back burner so to speak and that's as it should be I suppose. Xmas de orations in shops only makes us realise how much we miss them. I look at all the lovely gifts I could buy them but don't know their tastes. It's expensive to send too so I send money over although my daughters point of view is / why send say 50 pounds over for sister to send 50 pounds back! she has a point though and the sisters don't send gifts or money between them but buy gifts when they are over there

I too get totally fed up with peoe who say how lovely all those holidays. Its not lovely at all, they have to go to work, i have to stay in a hotel due to lack of space and it ends up quite lonely. The children are in day care and a lot of the time i feel in the way and an added hassle in their busy schedules.
Added to that the cost is fifficult now im not working fulltime but not state pension age yet!
On the other hand the children my step daughters around the corner are a big part of my life and I have a completely different and close relationship with them . Seeing grandchildren regularly for short times is a million times better than once a year for a week and once a week facetime in my experience.
I dont mean to ce over as needy or too sad, most of the time Im rational about it and accept that they ate highly independent and happy. I have to come off facebook over Christmas though as happy family photos make me weep.

Of course when I have been posting g I have been thinking on my own feelings to ask how others have felt in a similar position but there are also the feelings of the siblings left behind to consider. My daughter here misses her sister very much although she has went to Canada several times. Unfortunately daughter here split with her husband a few months after the other daughter emigrated. At that time she really missed the support of her sister. Also the 2 children here were badly affected too by the split and their cousins would have been good company for them at that time. My son does not miss his sister as much

Jordana I have similar issues with families scattered around the globe. I cant count the number of times people have said brightly to me how lovely it must be having relatives in other countries because you can have nice holidays visiting them. I would permanently give up holidays forever just to have them nearby! Its very hard, not to mention expensive, and although modern media helps I do hanker after a grandchild or two in my home town. However its not going to happen and I try not to focus too much on what cannot be. I dont know whether that helps much! other than letting you know you are not alone and lots of us are in the same boat.

No jordana, you certainly are not selfish, you just miss your family, and that's entirely normal. You say we only have our children for a short time which is true, but it doesn't mean we don't care about them and love them for all of their lives, and when grandchildren come along, we love and care for them too. Having other children and grandchildren who live nearby doesn't diminish the pain and loneliness by not being able to see the ones who are not nearby. I wish I could say something more positive but I don't know what to say. You are in my thoughts..

DS usually dear son, likewise DGS is dear grandson.

You so times see DH .....don't assume that means dear husband in every case!

Can juggernaut explain the abbreviations of ds and dgs etc. I guess it's daughters son?