Ostracised

keep your distance you can't win she blames you cos" son can do no wrong"

There are always consequences Banished. You have saved your marriage and your parents are being supportive, but you will have to accept that your MIL is not going to get over it. How important is your relationship with her to you? She doesn't like you so step away and leave it to your husband to sort it out. Otherwise, you are nurturing her resentment towards you.

That's not really what I meant I just didn't phrase it well. I know in my head what I'm trying to say but don't know how to put it into words. Maybe what makes me the better person is to rise above, not retaliate & add fuel to the fire. Many thanks to all.

I have taken a step back & if she wants no relationship with me I accept that. I do have some sympathy for H though & the position he is in. (Yes I know he didn't consider me when having an affair) but I am who I am. Yes I could live without having a relationship with her but it seems difficult for H. I will & have not offered him advice as how to handle this any more. It's not my problem now. Thanks all.

Sorry to say but forgiving an unfaithful husband does not make you the better person. I don't think most women who stay with a husband who has had an affair really forgive, they more than likely don't want a broken marriage. You should do what is best for you.

Don't bother having sympathy for H. It's his problem, how he gets on with his mother.

She has mental health issues by the sound of it, I wonder if she sufferers from early on set dementia. Your marriage is your business and most mothers wouldn't interfere, I know I would do all I could for my dil, all you can do, is rebuild your relationship with your husband as that is what you have chosen to do, and put plenty if space between you nd mil.

Faye- thanks for your thoughts. If forgiveness means finally accepting that someone has done me wrong, accepting it, learning to live with it while not condoning it, then I yes that's the path I am on. I can see by not "letting go" I will only prolong the hurt for myself. I have not been a push over, I would not allow continued bad behaviour. My question was about my mil though not my decision to remain married. Thanks to all who have been helpful. Its appreciated. The term " better person" was a poor choice of phrase.my thinking was- if I had ended the marriage without taking time to see how I felt, I might always have wondered if I would've been capable of forgiveness , that's all I meant.

Dear Banished, reading through this, others are right, Don't give MIL another thought she is not important anymore in your life, you have to put yourself first. your H was an idiot, but lots of men are, it does it make what he did OK. AT least he supported you in front of his mother. Draw the line, she is on her own, without your family, and responsible for what comes out of her mouth. You are great - believe it. X