I have a DIL who showed antipathy from the moment we met. In fact was rude! And offhand. I have tried and tried over the years. Now They have my only grandchildren, two little girls 4 and 2 and still the weird hostility. It is not explicit. It is very contained and we all seem to be living in denial. They live about 60 miles the other side of the Pennines on m62 I hate the drive, I am A widower, live alone. The last time I made the journey they were out, after me having spent three days arranging it - it seems my son didn't tell her? Or she was just being awful.
And now Christmas is coming and though she will visit my daughters fine house (not mine she refuses except for very rapid visits on my birthday when they will take me to a restaurant) My daughter is now fed up with hosting them as dil wont tolerate our dogs being in the house. My daughter does not have children but a very beloved dog. I have an older dog and a puppy for company and I love them.
So I am torn. As a compromise with my daughter I sent a message to son and dil that at xmas it would be so nice if (as they are locked in the garden for the visit) we could at least all go for a walk in the beautiful park and woods with the dogs. We know it will have to be approached slowly and bit by bit.
There has been no reply at all. I am very sad. I think the girls would love to meet the dogs but it is forbidden I was even told off by my son for pointing out the dogs in the garden to the four year old. He thinks I am doing it to annoy dil. She is not phobic she has gradually brought in the no dog rules as she became pregnant babies etc etc as reasons to exclude.
I am so sad about this. We come from a very tolerant family, unfortunately my mum is dead she'd have been a great support as would my late husband but I'm afraid, except for my dogs, I am alone. I meet my daughter every day in the week for dog walk and chat she is great but she is standing firm on this one - or making me do so.
DIL certainly knows the power she has over me for access to my granddaughters but I can't understand why. It seems the more I give the more she takes and my son who is very successful at work and at home and us a devoted father does not want to stand up for me. I suppose that is what really hurts. So any support at this difficult time really welcome.
Emptynester didn't say they were, it's evident from her posts that the breakdown of her relationship with her m.i.l. was painful at the time and continues to upset her.