No presents this year from my ds and dil

Mauriherb that is beautiful what a lovely present!

Incidentally I agree with Scousegirl. It's not the gift itself which is important but the feeling that they have thought of you as more than the provider of a good meal on Boxing Day. In her position I would be inclined to buy nothing for them, or perhaps get something which you would like for yourself and only produce it if they do, in fact, bring you something. You could say that you have decided to follow their example regarding presents as it seems silly to spend money on them when things are tight for everyone. ?

The most valuable present I have ever received was from a friend who was virtually penniless. She saved yoghurt pots then went round the estates knocking on doors and asking if she could have a cutting from a plant in the garden. She gave me 20 such cuttings all in individual pots . It cost her nothing but time and effort and I love her for it. Presents don't have to be about money

I would look forward to their company on Boxing Day. To be with them and enjoying the fact that they are there are worth so much more than gifts.

Make them welcome, and share what you have with them sincerely. To have expectations is to be disappointed when they are not met.

I wish you all a wonderful Christmas time. xx

As I've grown older my family has inevitably grown larger, with 5 children, 3 daughters and 1 son-in-law, 8 grandchildren, one married and two with partners, one who has 2 children from a previous relationship. I would love to be in a position to buy them more expensive gifts,, but it wouldn't occur to me not to buy something for each of them, despite my children telling me not to buy anything for them.

Everyone needs chops!

It would upset me. I don't want 'stuff' either, but a small gift of chops, wine etc is lovely and inexpensive too

Yes agree it's all been said, but it would be great to hear from Scousegirl to know whether or not our comments have been of any comfort.

I have noticed on other threads that the original poster doesn't post a follow up of how they have or have not resolved issues it's a bit like losing the last chapter of a book .... is it just me?

There have been 6 pages from gransnetters so i won't add anything else to the conversation. I will just wish everyone a happy and peaceful Christmas and for those who are lucky enough to be with family enjoy what you have and for those on their own I send love and good wishes.

Well children are like this aren't they. Mine are great and I love them to bits but they say they are short of money ( not all of them) and the next minute they are going on holiday and buying new cars.
I have learned my lesson. NO MORE HANDOUTS.
It sounds as though he is your only son. You just have to grit your teeth and feel relieved that you don't have to buy them anything and SPEND your money on you, while you can.
Chin up and hugs.

Personally speaking I would far rather my children wanted to see me over Christmas than expect presents. I would not give a tinkers cuss if they did not get me anything. I have seen too much heartbreak over broken family relationships to worry about who bought who a Christmas present.

There are only 4 of us and we club together to buy a "big" present on the want list of each family member, and each of us also buys a couple of stocking fillers for the other 3 - books, computer games, DVD or CD for one another.It means that we don't spend much more than we can afford - not more than £150 each - and the food is paid on savings cards/stamps/vouchers so it's all paid for in good time. The only reason we spend as much as we do is that MIL is 84 on 8 January and we know we won't have her for many more years. Once we don't have her any longer we'll just buy one family gift (e.g new TV needed, after renting one for over 25 years and no longer anywhere near up-to date, but we can't really justify it).

A) Buy yourself something really nice and if they turn up without anything for you show it to them and tell them that as you had been told you wouldn't be receiving any gifts you decided to treat yourself so as to not feel you were missing out at Christmas.

Or

B) My DS phoned me last week to ask what I would like for Christmas. The honest answer is that I don't need any more 'stuff'. The only thing I truly appreciate is time spent with him, something that is in short supply as he has a very demanding job which involves a lot of travel and I have to accept that he needs to spend such leisure time as he can find with his wife and children.

Several of my friends have recently had their loved ones taken from them too soon, either on the roads or through illness. Ask yourself would you rather your DS and DIL spent their money on something delivered in the post, or have your DS walk in your door and give you a warm embrace. Some things money can't buy.

Sorry, but I think that parents come before stag dos - he could excuse himself from his friend's stag do, as I understand from my DC many do these days. Also, why did DIL have to borrow money for surgery? If she borrowed to go private, that doesn't make them hard up in my book! Having said that, I think it would be best not to say anything and agree with others you should buy small gifts for them. Perhaps mention sometime (not Boxing Day) that you're having to draw your belt in these days.

Just say - 0h good because we find this present giving a bit of a costly nightmare too. 0h and by the way can you bring something for the meal - like a bottle of wine or the pudding!!!
Ways and means!!

I agree with granjura, when you get older there is nothing that you really need. My Son always asks me what I would like for Christmas and Birthdays and I just tell him there is nothing I need at the moment and I will let him know when I do. My daughter on the other hand does buy presents no matter how much I tell her not to, luckily most of them are useful. I agree that I would rather get nothing than let them waste their hard earned cash on something that will never be used, I would rather they spend their money on the grandchildren. I'm sure you will still have a lovely boxing day presents or no presents.

If they can afford to pay for a stag do and wedding present, they are not broke! The time has come not to buy presents at all except for the children. Although a box of chocs is always nice to receive!

Sorry you feel hurt. I think the male-speak wasn't helpful. Your son has just answered your question. A woman may have said ' well you know we have absolutely no money was wondering if we could all just perhaps not have big presents this year.' and you then might have said 'oh completely understand...what about small table presents when you come to lunch? Can't let you all not have anything to open at Christmas lunch'. This is not a mesage that you are low in priorities (they are coming to spend day with you on Boxing Day) It's just a busy man, confident in mother's love who answers a question straight forwardly. E-mail daughter in law with 'what do you think about secret santa/table presents/lucky dip this year'. ENjoy Boxing Day.

I still think this "We are heartbroken that we come so low in their priorities that we don't even qualify for a box of chocs" is over-emotional. Heartbroken? "don't even qualify"? This hints to me that there is some lurking hurt in the relationship already.

The later sentence "I want to say something but I know it would end up with him walking out and we'd never see them" leaves me thinking the relationship is bad, or at least not good, to begin with. Feeling that insecure in a relationship (for whatever reason; I'm not ascribing blame here) is what's at the bottom of the hurt and I'm sorry for anyone feeling like that about any of their offspring.

It is not a smug sorrowfulness but an appreciation of my own luck. Thank you to those who pointed out some of my earlier posts came across as smug. I was aware that they probably would which is why I joked about what would appear to be smugness on my part. If appreciating one's luck with regard to family is smugness, then I'm smug. And not in the least bit ashamed.

We have cut down on adults this year , but it ll be fine as long as we all stick to it. Just kids and nice cards. If they are coming to visit, just be glad. It's not worth falling out over. Buy them a bottle and if you decide on the day not to give it, just everyone drink it! Or a hamper made of food they like would help them have less food bills? I'm helping one family member financially just now and have warned them I want a tiny gift ( I know they won't give nothing at all) .

Absolutely maggiemaybe

I understand how hurt you are. I have not had birthday cards or presents from my son for years and I would be happy to get a small present (maybe a 50p primula in a pot) but to get nothing at all makes me feel unloved. I hope that you do get something, but I think I would be tempted to give nothing to them .

At least you are seeing them, Scousegirl. My partner hasn't seen, heard from or spoken to his son since 2012. He has grandchildren he's never seen, and even his daughter, who lives close by, rarely gets in touch or returns his calls. Presents are immaterial compared to a hug, kiss or even a phone call or email.

I totally understand your upset. But I think you should be who you are honest to yourself, don't let them turn you mean and I think THATBAGGS above had a good idea treat yourself and offer them, you could even say a lovely young lady bought them for us (a new neighbour or someone). Your obviously a giving lady so don't change. I know what kids are like very selfish and hurtful and sometimes lack respect too. You know now so, make sure you think of yourselves first sometimes you have earn it. Have a lovely boxing day, try not to let it upset you. Not everyone has 100% perfect children.

This thread has really taken off, hasn't it?