No presents this year from my ds and dil

Well I trust you aren't buying them anything!

To be less flippant, we do a secret santa at Christmas so only buy one present, we tend to splash out a bit on birthdays to make up for it. I would feel a miffed in your position, but there's nothing much you can do about it, just say ok, well we won't buy any presents either.

We don't buy presents for the adults in the family.

I'm not sure why you're so upset, Scousegirl, what sort of presents have they given you in the past...?

Your son sounds like one of my nephews. He has a very well paid job but whenever he eats out with my brother he keeps his wallet firmly shut !!
We know that Christmas should be about giving not recieving but I think children should appreciate their parents. After all you made him the man he is one who is capable of earning his decent wage. A token gift wouldn't break him.

I can't see them turning up on Boxing day completely empty-handed, but then I don't know them.

I wouldn't be 'miffed' not to get a present from any of my family I'd rather they spent their money on themselves whether that were paying bills or otherwise. Can you not just accept the reasons they have given you and be happy to spend time with them. We are doing a Secret Santa for the grown ups just buying for the little ones. Perhaps they don't realise you find it a struggle (if you do) to afford petrol and meals out maybe a chat with your son would clear up a few misconceptions.

Ana we would do the same if we had a large family. As it is there is only H and I, S, D and two GC. So we all buy for each other.

I've just re-read my op. I should have said helped make him the man. I realise he had a hand in it

I'd go along withsuzied just agree not to buy presents.
As long as you see them at Christmas surely that's the main thing. Say nothing, it's not worth falling out over. Some people have got short arms and deep pockets. That's life!

Buy yourself a box of chocs, scouse. I can recommend Hotel Chocolat ones.

You could even offer them one after dinner while telling them that it was your xmas present to yourself

I agree with you nina a small gift wouldn't break the bank.

I would try and be magnanimous and buy them small/ medium presents and see what happens on Boxing Day. They may well bring you small presents. Try not to be upset. People have different priorities. But set a good example by giving them gifts. At least they are coming to see you. Perhaps they don't realise how important the thought that a present represents means to you- sorry I have phrased that very clumsily!!

Do you get along in other respects?

I wouldn't worry about a present to be honest. Never judge peoples finances from the outside, it's pretty horrendous for everyone at the mo.

Have a lovely boxing day and just enjoy the company.

Last thing I want these days is 'more stuff' - all I want from mine is a bit of time, an occasion or experience together. All this commercialisation of Xmas is sad to my mind.

It's not the gift though is it? It's giving a little thought to people you are supposed to care about. I find they are always short of money/time when it comes to family but seem to have plenty of both when it comes to friends.

I'm sorry that this has upset you

Honestly don't think it would bother me at all

Thank you for your comments, they have helped.

Exactly KatyK, that's what hurts.

It doesn't bother me tuppence that DS and DDIL don't give us Christmas presents, it's not important; spending time together is far more important to me.

I realised my post sounded a bit bitter! I think most people on Gransnet are kinder and more understanding than me. I hope you work it out Scousegirl

Scousegirl tell your DS that you look forward to a lovely card, then spend any inheritance on yourself.

My BIL has to give his Mum a card with money in , then she gives him a card ................. with money in ! he can't persuade her to forget it , he is retired and she is 89

No I would not be upset at all . We don`t buy presents for the adults just the children . If you are really upset by this could you do a secret santa so you all just buy one thing and have a limit on the amount you spend ie £20 .

I would be pleased that my adult children were responsible enough to prioritise paying a loan back over wasting large amounts of money on presents that nobody really needs . You can celebrate Christmas in other ways , a family meal or just spending time together .

If they buy for you they will have to buy for DILs parents too.
Maybe they really are genuinely struggling for money and cant afford it.