No presents this year from my ds and dil

Maybe it just hasn't occurred to them? They sound quite involved in their own lives and activities. All the Christmas socialising can be expensive. However, I reckon its a bit thoughtless to not even get you a token something. I'm sure they'll not turn up completely empty handed.

It's tricky, isn't it, because we all have different priorities. We have a big family. We tried a Secret Santa one year but that fell flat. I think most of my grown-up children are only buying for each other's children this year and not the adults. We still buy for them all.
I think I would be a bit hurt too, but, as others have said, would try to not to show it and enjoy Christmas in other ways.

I would not want DC to spend money on me. A little shallow to be thinking that a gift is important, your family actually visiting should be more important.

This year is a difficult Christmas for us, inasmuch as my son and his partner split up earlier this year. Although we are all spending Christmas day together, none of us have room for all of us so we are having a buffet dinner with us providing the werewithal to pay for it. We have set a limit for presents for them and the children but have told them we don't want presents. We prefer to see the family together this year.

This is the first year we are not buying gifts for the adults (other than exchanging a gift with Mr C). I agreed when the change was suggested by one of the family, but now I'm finding it strange not to be buying the one gift that was our custom for secret santa. I will get used to it, it's just different, but I don't like it right now, I think because it isn't the same in the family of one daughter in law who has told us what she has been buying for them. I can understand your reaction scousegirl, can only suggest you go with it, odd as it might seem don't buy a gift for them but welcome them with open arms and just enjoy your day together. It may be that they have no idea of your financial constraints but perhaps don't mention this at Christmas time. You may be able to introduce your own budgetary situation into a conversation once Christmas is over. Our family also think nothing of meals out, when we were brave enough to explain we have to budget for them now it became less of a pressure and no one is upset if we say 'not this week'. I hope you can enjoy your day together.

I think that it was good of them to let you know they will not be able to afford presents this year and to take heart in the fact that they are coming to stay with you on Boxing Day.

For goodness sake I think he is very mature. Instead of spending money he hasn't got
he has the conversation with you. He is actually coming to see you unlike other children of gransnetters on here. Use this opportunity to tell him what a great idea it is not to buy presents for each other. This will save you money which clearly you don't have. We stopped buying for our a few years ago, gave them decent cheques and moved on. So liberating. The fact that he works hard and has a social life is none of your business all the time he is not asking to borrow money from you!

As others have said they bring a token present
Like you have only small family so give money to my DS and DD (inc their partners)
And buy for DGC
We insist that our DC do not buy present for us. We don't need or want anything.
However we do have small presents from our DGC via their parents

They may well turn up with a present- wait and see!

I'd be a bit narked as well if they can spend lavishly on themselves and friends but can't, or won't, spare a fiver for a box of chocs for their mum and dad to share (or marzipan fruits, in my case ). Of course it's the thought that counts, but there's not actually any thought for you here, is there?

But of course you can't call them on it. If this is their nature, you have to accept it. They'd be getting no present from me though - use what you save to treat yourselves. And perhaps put a box on the Christmas dinner table for contributions towards the cost (that was a joke, I hasten to add!).

Agree with katyk, a small gift isn't the end of the world!!

If they buy for you they will have to buy for DILs parents too.
Maybe they really are genuinely struggling for money and cant afford it.

No I would not be upset at all . We don`t buy presents for the adults just the children . If you are really upset by this could you do a secret santa so you all just buy one thing and have a limit on the amount you spend ie £20 .

I would be pleased that my adult children were responsible enough to prioritise paying a loan back over wasting large amounts of money on presents that nobody really needs . You can celebrate Christmas in other ways , a family meal or just spending time together .

My BIL has to give his Mum a card with money in , then she gives him a card ................. with money in ! he can't persuade her to forget it , he is retired and she is 89

Scousegirl tell your DS that you look forward to a lovely card, then spend any inheritance on yourself.

I realised my post sounded a bit bitter! I think most people on Gransnet are kinder and more understanding than me. I hope you work it out Scousegirl

It doesn't bother me tuppence that DS and DDIL don't give us Christmas presents, it's not important; spending time together is far more important to me.

Exactly KatyK, that's what hurts.

Thank you for your comments, they have helped.

I'm sorry that this has upset you

Honestly don't think it would bother me at all

It's not the gift though is it? It's giving a little thought to people you are supposed to care about. I find they are always short of money/time when it comes to family but seem to have plenty of both when it comes to friends.

Last thing I want these days is 'more stuff' - all I want from mine is a bit of time, an occasion or experience together. All this commercialisation of Xmas is sad to my mind.

Do you get along in other respects?

I wouldn't worry about a present to be honest. Never judge peoples finances from the outside, it's pretty horrendous for everyone at the mo.

Have a lovely boxing day and just enjoy the company.

I would try and be magnanimous and buy them small/ medium presents and see what happens on Boxing Day. They may well bring you small presents. Try not to be upset. People have different priorities. But set a good example by giving them gifts. At least they are coming to see you. Perhaps they don't realise how important the thought that a present represents means to you- sorry I have phrased that very clumsily!!

I agree with you nina a small gift wouldn't break the bank.