No presents this year from my ds and dil

Erm, DIL1991, your post is in response to a thread that was last "active" back in early January?

How did you find this thread?

Some of these responses are disgusting. He's spending money when he's already on a tight budget to see his mother.
If I was him and id read this id cancel the visit and spend the money doing something enjoyable.

I can't believe how selfish all of you people are. You aren't entitled to anything.

"Spend their inheritance" just because they aren't doing Xmas gifts? Really people?

What if they truly are struggling financially? Just because they make big salaries doesn't mean they aren't having financial troubles. Certainly hospital bills and a huge debt don't help. Maybe they've overextended themselves in other ways (large mortgage or whatever, the OP didn't say and may not know). No one except perhaps their financial advisor can really assess anyone else's financial situation or judge how they spend their money. Honestly people!

Scousegirl, I hope you had a really good visit with ds & dil on Boxing Day! I also hope they brought you that "box of chocolates" or perhaps a bottle of wine or whatever. Also, I hope you had a small gift or 2 for them JIC they did.

How do you come any lower "on their priority list" than anyone else? They didn't say they were buying Xmas gifts for everyone but you & dh - they said they weren't doing Xmas gifts, period. (I hope they bring a gift to that wedding, but that's different, IMO.) It's not as if they were planning to spend time with others and not with you guys either. They put aside Boxing Day and an overnight visit for you - and, I guess, had to spend Xmas Day traveling to get to you? I know you were hurt (hope you feel better now) but, IMO, that's because you were comparing apples with oranges - socializing isn't comparable to gifts and paying debts isn't comparable to either of those.

Hope all is well and that you have a great year ahead!

The visit is the gift, a pressie goes in the bin.

Even bunches of flowers are still available at Christmastime.

It doesn't look like I'm getting anything off my son neither, so I know how you are feeling Scousegirl. Chin up, we have done our best. They are adults now and so it's up to them how they behave.

I would be furious - sorry but a small token gift, something thoughtful would be appreciated, it's not about spending copious amounts of money. I spend a lot of time looking for "quirky" gifts for my family. It is the height of bad manners to turn up & expect to be fed & given a bed without a token gift. Sorry to be so harsh but no matter how hard up I was I always found some small gift.

KatyK I agree with your comments, my DStep-S suggested years ago that we should only buy for DGC - I vetoed that & suggested small gifts for Adults (£5/10) as myself & DH would miss out whereas DC would still have loads of presents - again not about money but just a small token

I always told my son I'm happy with a homemade card and some form of correspondence so when he turns up on the day with a box of chocolates or whatever it's a heartwarming treat XX

I know how you feel it's not the present per se it's the feeling unwanted, unforunately we brought up the me generation

The OP raised a son who prioritises seeing people and spending time with them, be that weekends with friends or weddings or seeing his mum on boxing day. I'ld rather raise a generation like that than one who just chuck money at things instead of investing in time/relationships.

I'ld rather my kids spend boxing day with us than buy us things. I'ld also feel that their priorities were spot on if they spend whatever spare money they did have on socialising rather than "Stuff", because it means that relationships come before things to them

I am a very demanding mother!
My request is always the same, a date with my offspring male and female, lunch usually though dinner would be fantastic.
I love love this. and they oblige just a one to one of course.
I said didn't I, very demanding!

I know how you feel it's not the present per se it's the feeling unwanted, unforunately we brought up the me generation

Scousegirl I'm sorry too that you regret posting. Take the support offered on this thread, and there's plenty who understand, and try to ignore those that attack you.

Scousegirl, I was sorry to see you regret posting. I know you will have a lovely Christmas with your family, whatever you do about the presents.?

Hear, hear, notanan and db. If your children appreciate you and love you, you don't need gifts from them to prove it; it will be evident in the way they talk to you and their ordinary everyday way of treating you.

shanma, and anyone else who mentioned spending one's money rather than keeping it as inheritance for one's kids, I don't think there's anything shocking in that idea at all. But then I grew up in a family where inheritances simply didn't exist, not to speak of.
On the other hand, there is talk nowadays of aging parents setting up systems to make clear that they would rather refuse treatment in their very old age and be allowed to die than have their kids' inheritance wasted in care fees.
It's a personal choice and there are no rules. I definitely think it's a bit of a cheek of kids to expect an inheritance from their parents. Nice if it comes but not something one should count on.

Like notanan I prefer another occasion because it comes without the emotional baggage, only not Hallowe'en which has no significance for me and also seems ridiculously commercialised, but Easter. To me it is an occasion which has religious significance for those who are Christians, but either way can be a family time , there are Easter eggs if you wish or pots of spring flowers. There is not the shopping frenzy of Christmas, and there are fewer expectations of "the cook" (after a Sunday lunch they all go home again!)

I'ld love if someone said this to me as it would leave me off the hook in return.

Presents bought out of duty aren't expressions of love or where you stand in people's priorites, in fact, the people that spend the most on us are the same people who never make the effort to see us, I do wish they wouldn't bother..

This is why I prefer halloween, it's about people getting together to have fun together and no present nonsense. I do like christmas but I think one way or another gifts cause a lot of problems. I'ld like them scrapped in place of just spending time with people

The spending their inheritance was a 'joke' ...a bit of lightness and humour!!

Really Anya? the inheritance comments( And there were more than one) were not posted by you.

Nanna 58, May I gently say that we know we're very lucky - our children aren't " spoilt and thoughtless" and nor are the young that we meet and chat to day-to-day. I think that young folk today have much harder lives growing up than we did - the stress on them is immense.

Some older people would do well to appreciate how life has changed for them. I mentioned looking at pics of their cars and homes because it shows an interest in their lives and doings and starts off the happy chat, particularly if you have n't seen them for a while! What's wrong with a little positive appreciation, compliments and pride in our young? What do you talk about when you're together at Christmas, anyway? I'm rather tired of the victim culture of some older people, who criticise and blame others and don't bring anything but the negative to the party of life. But today they're in the minority, thank goodness. XX

Who knows - perhaps they will turn up with small gifts for you? I would have small gifts for them. But I wouldn't go overboard with the Christmas dinner, not too luxurious. If they find it at all lacking you can always say that, as pensioners, you have to be careful what you spend.

HurdyGurdy well said. I couldn't believe how rude some posts were towards Scousegirl.

Don't really post, just enjoy reading all the different opinions, but have just read yours from yesterday, nancyma, and I do so agree! I've been walking on eggshells for so long that I've forgotten how not to! Especially with one dil. But....I actually today decided that from next year, I will not bite my tongue if an occasion arises that causes me to be upset and/or angry. I will endeavour to put my point across in a kind and friendly way, so that said dil hopefully realises that her actions have/are causing me to feel very hurt and frustrated. We all have feelings, after all.

I can see how hurt the OP is and I think it is understandable. Personally I think there is joy in giving as well as receiving so I always bought presents for my parents. I always spoil my lot at Christmas, and I am always being told off about it! In any case I would say enjoy their company and do not let this affect your relationship with them. You do not know what problems they are having. Maybe they feel obliged to go to their friends' wedding/stag do. Perhaps they have been friends for ever? Which would mean that your ds and dil have had to priorities what they spend their money on. Surely travelling from 'the other side of the country' as you put it, is a present in itself with the price of petrol these days? Maybe when they have paid off the debts they have they will be more able to buy 'gifts'? Try not to let this sour things between you.

Families are all different and have different ways of showing love and appreciation.