Birthday expense.

I think I would say I had other plans....sorry if that sounds mean but people should not assume others can afford presents like this. Send some flowers instead.

*To share the cost, I should have said.

A friend of mine had a similar family weekend house party in a large rented house, for her 60th. She discussed it with all her family first to find out if they were happy to pay the cost, before arranging anything.

I guess the first thing to do is convince your wife that you are not being unreasonable. Then both decide what to do instead.

Sadly people's expectations sometimes seem to go completely haywire. Making people pay expenses for your birthday celebrations does happen in some circles, to which thank fully I do not belong.

I have had a young friend say he cannot go to his friends birthday party in a London restaurant because they will be expected to share the bill and pay for the birthday person, and it will run to hundreds of pounds.

if you do not belong to this culture and do not have the cash to join it occasionally I would not get started. The logic might be to join them for breakfast on the Sunday and maybe bring a present, even if you may have to stay in a Travel lodge the night before. You can enjoy the photos and chat and meet up with all the family members.

When I had my 50th birthdays I planned a family weekend like this, staying at a lovely hotel run by some cousins, which happened to be fairly accessible for everyone I wanted to invite. I worked out that because it was special occasion I would pay for the dinner, and there would be rooms available if people wanted to stay overnight, at their own expense. It was a gamble, and I feared that very few people would actually come, but in the event they all came and we had a lovely time. My teenage son organised a surprise birthday cake for me with lots of sparklers, which was very heartwarming, even after my husband and I discovered he'd put it on our tab! After seeing this post, I'm still relieved that I chose to give this party myself rather than ask for money - it cost a fair bit, but I was more than recompensed by the knowledge that my family really wanted to celebrate with me even at some cost to themselves. Your poor sister-in-law won't have that pleasure, but other gransnetters' suggestion of taking her out for a special meal sounds like a good idea, and an honest and kind way out of a difficult situation. Might your wife's sisters do the same, do you think? The birthday girl would end up with a livelier social life overall. I do hope it can end up being a happy time for you all.

When we have done something like this we picked up the tab for everyone. A friend has just given us a great golden wedding party at an hotel but they paid for it also the nights stay I really think if you can't afford to treat people then you should either have something more affordable or not expect them to come.

I do have one old friend who had a silver wedding party in France and we were all expected to go and it was very expensive considering we didn't want to go to France anyway,they did at least pay for the meal though.

I'm with AdeleJay on that one

What do your wife's other sisters say? I am old fashioned enough to think that if you invite someone to a celebration that you should pay for them!

I think it's out of order even to suggest it! When I was 60 and my Mum 90 within 2 weeks of each other we had a party at our house for family and friends (both Mum's and mine). My husband and I provided the food, guests provided the drink and my 2 children and their partners paid for a fabulous cake - 2 tiers so Mum could take one tier to the Sheltered Housing where she lived to share with her friends who couldn't get to the party and one to be cut on the day. Now THAT is a special birthday, not 65!

I agree with bluegayn. I think its too much to expect.

I would be honest and say that it's out of my price range and offer to take her out for a quiet meal at a nice restaurant instead (if you celebrate each other's birthdays ordinarily).

It's your money up to you how to spend it.

What does she get you for your birthday? I think she is trying it on. Laugh and say 'nice try - you must be joking!'

I would take her out for a meal and just say that you will not be going.It is your time and money spend where and how you want to

Blooming cheek. Like the others, I would be otherwise engaged, and wish her a happy birthday.
It reminds me of DH's sister who stopped talking to us because we didn't go to her son's wedding - in San Francisco. DH had just been made redundant, and she expected most of us [me, DH and 3 DCs] to go!!!
Since I don't much like her anyway, I wasn't too unhappy.

A couple of months ago we were invited to a dinner for a 60th birthday. It was held in a restaurant and the invitations had been printed specially, with photos of the birthday celebrant at various ages - very nice but can't have been cheap. Two weeks before the dinner (I think about 20 of us had accepted the invitation in total) we all received an email to say that they had realised they couldn't afford to pay for everyone so just to let us know we would be paying for ourselves. I thought this was dreadful. Don't spend money on invitations if you can't afford the occasion you are inviting people to. If you genuinely can't afford the dinner don't hold it! Either have a few people round with some nibbles which would be a faction of the price but just as enjoyable. Or don't send invitations, just an email saying you would like to mark the occasion. You can't afford to have a party or take everyone out but if anyone would like to join you somewhere cheap and cheerful then you could be delighted to enjoy their company. But you can't invite people and then down the line change your mind about who is paying. Oh and the restaurant for this 60th definitely wasn't cheap!

This seems unreasonable all round, she obviously thinks you may all be up for it or she wouldn't have proposed it. She now believes its ok because no one said it wasn't when the idea was mooted. Why can't you all talk about it? Come up with a different plan acceptable to everyone.

Could someone tell me where I and my husband can get a week all inclusive holiday abroad for two for £500?

Could someone tell me where I and my husband can get a week all inclusive holiday abroad for two for £500?

Yes I am with the general opinion on this! Bloody cheek. Tell her to have a nice weekend but you won't be joining them!

Personally I think its too much. Is this a cost usually spent on big birthdays in your family? On my sisters last big birthday we went on a spa day which cost us £80 each. I didn't give her a present on top of that.

I think your wife probably knows it is a big ask but probably feels pressurised by her sister to go.

Also to suggest that she gets the 'freebie' cost covered suggests she already thinks its a big cost that she wouldn't be prepared to pay so that would add to my feeling not to go.

Perhaps suggesting some more reasonable alternatives whilst trying to be diplomatic.

I agree with everyone else, definitely a cheek and, no, you are not being unreasonable. Is this a normal occurrence in the family? Seems very self-centred to me.

To me, her behaviour is thoughtless and selfish. That's quite a layout of money all round for her to get a free place. It's grasping. She can't see that? Not even a birthday with a nought on the end.

Out order, just a b...... y cheek expecting you to pay that amount for a weekend. Book into a Travel Lodge nearby and Join them for dinner

Maybe no one should be able to go, she d get the message