Giving money instead of gift/gift card.

This is the strangest post ever.
For whatever reasons, you appear to be estranged from this side of your 'family', your OH is ok with this situation and yet you explain he has a strong sense of 'family'. Your OH doesn't leave home etc. You don't think your in laws like you. And so it goes on.

I feel you're trapped in a terribly sad situation and yet you seem to be concerned about gifts which frankly seems to be the least of your problems.

I would make a New Years resolution to speak to your Gp to see if he can organise some family counselling for you and your husband.

I'm sure other posters might think I'm being overly harsh .... But truly this has got to be the most worrying post I've ever read

I hope you find the strength to turn your life around so that you can live in harmony with your family ...

I agree with you, Teddy123.

There is far more to this than the gift problem.

Thanks FarNorth xx

I arched a savvy shoppers program yesterday and the only people who benefit from gift cards are the shops as they wont give change, have cut off dates and all other forms of conditions. Cash is better.....albeit I prefer to give a proper present.

That should say...I watched.....

Why on earth do you feel the need to give them anything? They are estranged from your OH. You never see them. Honestly I'd send a note saying you were cutting down on presents for adults and would no longer be sending any to them. If they're offended, so what? It sounds like it's no loss to you.

well said teddy123. So sad to think that someone is doing something they don't want to, like sending gifts to ungracious unliked people. Make a stand Abbey if only for your own self esteem and dignity.

We never see DH's family unless there is a family funeral so I do not spend a second thinking about gifts for them, I send a card at Christmas. I think family counselling is way over the top for a family spat.

I agree with other posters, they would only get a card from me, no message no apologies.
By the way my son's wife makes him get all cards and all presents for me and his sister. And we aren't estranged.

Same here I am afraid. If you do not have other contact with them don't give a present, send a card.

I do give money in a card for nephews and nieces but they do keep in touch and even send chocolate or biscuits at Christmas.

I think those cards where you write your own messages are great for Christmas. Say Happy Christmas and pop in a £+Note. It saves the hassle of going to the dedicated voucher stores which is annoying if there is not one near to you or on the internet. Gardening vouchers in particular are difficult for me.

Didn't quite answer the question:

Message on card:

'Hope you have a very happy Christmas and New Year! It would be lovely to hear from you'.

I buy for my side of the family, OH buys for his. There are so many it would be too much for one person, so this works for us.

If you really want to send a gift (and I must admit that I wouldn't) why not order a Christmas plant or flowers to be delivered? I'm sure they would be appreciated.

By the way, my husband doesn't go out of the house since he was in voluntarily retired, in Abbey's 4 th post is the most concerning part of her posts. I agree with the others Medical help is needed here and her OH's depression most likely has contributed to the situation. This is not just a family spat, this appears to be a very unhappy man.

You can buy a nice sponsred toilet in Rwanda or some such places and send them the receipt.....they deserve a nice lav for Christmas.

You are so much nicer than me I would not bother at all. Surely a card would suffice?

I've bought a cludgee for Christmas for friends who have everything and just like a laugh and some poor soul without facilities would be very pleased.

You are quite right, I do resent them. I resent them for not realising that their brother was more in need of help than they are...... at least one complains of her ill health, the other of her poor finances (which caused the rift with DH as he believes she pocketed the money from his fathers will and then said there was nothing - her husband and his aunt were executors). His brother has a deteriorating neurological condition and I have been told this afternoon that his sister who he lived with has put him in a home, so Lord alone knows whats going on there. All of them are widowed.

I am far younger than any of them and still work. I resent it because really, its my money that pays for the gifts not my husbands pension and he has made it clear to me that he will not "keep" me and allow me to retire.

I did try the GP for my husband but got nowhere. However, I can cope with him mostly ..... it will be me who has to drop the gifts through the door of his sister (they wont answer if I knock). I dont feel like making the detour out to them. Its 20 miles.

So, lots of things, yes.

I am seriously thinking of converting the money into gifts for WWF (I do like animals) and putting the certificates in the post to them. I also, like the idea of a toilet as a gift in a devloping country gift - is there one?

Abbey, if you Google ' Toilet Twinning' , you will find the information that you need. If you do go ahead, you get a photo of the twinned toilet.

Well Done Rosina!

Abbey
Why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you giving gifts to people who don't like you and have nothing to do with you or your husband. For goodness sake Knock It On The Head!!!

Personally I would have loved the National Trust subscription even if my husband was too grumpy to go with me! Like others on here I can't understand why YOU are organising this, if it would upset your DH to know they were not being sent presents then let him sort it! We have a similar problem with my DH's younger son, I would never send him anything after his treatment of his father (don't care what his feelings are about me), so it is down to DH to both send and more importantly REMEMBER to send.

Why not say, instead of gifts I'm donating to my local hospice, hospital, whatever charity you like. And do exactly that. Or if your husband insists on a proper gift, I'd give an Asda, tesco, etc voucher, whatever supermarket is near them. If they have plenty of money they can buy a gift, or donate gifts of food to the local food bank. tesco has a trolley for this.i don't send any cards, I donate my postage to local hospice and ask friends not to send me a card but put stamp cost into any charity can.

For £5 you can buy a Christmas Day meal for a homeless person thru it's on. Or donate to any charity in their name if u feel like it and tell them what you ve done?

I personally would not be sending or financing gifts to them, they sound a nightmare - sorry bit harsh maybe but that's me.

After DH died I stopped sending anything to Step-Son & his OH & 2 DC as he was so inconsiderate & never gave anything back. Step-Daughter is so different, no gifts but always cards, DGC are grown up & working whereas I'm on a limited income, often phone calls & contact on FaceBook.

I normally buy gifts for my Family (except DM who is 87 & she appreciates money which she can use to buy what she likes) although this Christmas DD is having money as she is pregnant & needs new clothes (plus small fun gifts)

think i have missed something but why are you giving them anything if you don't see or speak to them ? really dont get this

Don't stress yourself. If you don't see these family members - to the extent they have cut you and your OH out of their lives just stop sending gifts and money. If you want to keep contact send a nice Christmas card with a friendly message inside hoping they are all well and have a good Christmas and New Year.

At some point we all have to cut back on sending gifts and money. I put some money in with the card to nephews for their children - much easier than sending gift tokens!!

You don't speak and never see them so presumably they send no cards or gifts to you and OH.
Why are you still doing this one-sided giving?