Controlling DIL- how to protect DS

I would leave them to get on with it, bite your tongue. Men these days who are doing their part are doing the right thing.

If she is showing signs of anxiety do you think she is suffering from pnd?

There could be some truth in Jayanna's post. My daughter used to give very detailed instructions when I looked after my little GD. A couple of years later, another baby and it all changed. No more instructions. She was happy to leave us to it. Maybe your DIL will calm down soon aquafish.

Probably least said, soonest mended. Bite your tongue.

It reminds me of when my great-nephew was little and his father was giving him a bath. In spite of the fact there was Daddy, Granny and me all giving him our full attention new Mum still hovered in the doorway giving instructions. You wouldn't believe how many wrong ways there are to dry a baby! By the time we got to number three she would disappear with coffee and a magazine and leave me to it!
Have a lovely time?

Bibitty what is a manchil? I am sure the op`s son is doing his best learning how to be a new Dad ! doesn`t sound as if he needs direction .

My youngest son is in a relationship with a quite domineering girl , they are due to have their first baby soon. He does his share of everything in the house , I think it is quite normal and healthy for Men these days . I cringe sometimes at the bossiness but I know that he worships the ground she walks on and she adores him too so I just guess that he is OK with being `bossed` . I would really try not to say anything because he will side with her and it will cause an atmosphere when you are at their house .

I take all your comments onboard, thanks. I dont want to give the impression DS is a mummy's boy, far from it but don't like seeing him being 'picked on' & 'put down' in front of family by DIL. By picked on, such as her shouting at him he's hurting baby by trying to pull his leggings on- OTT responses that undermine his confidence. Enough said, the way forward is clear & i will do my best to be a supportive M/MIL & doting GP!

I agree with others who have said leave well alone, unless your DS is showing signs of being very stressed and/or depressed, and even then, you have to let them work it out for themselves, and just be as supportive as you can to both of them.
What do you mean by your DiL 'pick pick pick' ing? Criticising? Bossing about?

Why should she be grateful that a full grown man is doing what he should by sustaining his home and caring for his child?
Maybe your son is one of those 'manchil' who have 0 self direction and need to be told how to do every little thing. In which case I hve every sympathy for your DIL

Don't say anything.

"grateful"? As a friend of mine says ,its not babysitting when its your child,its parenting and its not helping out when you do a share of the housework its your house too.When the baby has grown a bit the balance will likely change ,let them do things their way...after all we only raise them to let them go

Well done aquafish and lots of good luck for the future with the joy of GC!

Thanks folks- good point about today's husbands sharing all the work, just wish DIL was a bit more grateful as she delegates so much. Also take the valid point about DS not being 'mine' any more, hard but true. The last thing i want is a broken family so thanks for timely reminders to take stock & appreciate my lovely family.

It may be that your DS actually enjoys doing housework, cooking, laundry and hands on care of his little boy. My own DS, also a lovely laid back, chilled person, is one of the most efficient chaps you could wish to have in your home with regard to 'doing his bit' and so is my DSiL.

Times have changed. Don't worry about him. He's probably fine.

Does he seem sad or depressed? Do you really think he needs "protecting"?

Your DIL is faced with the huge change that comes with being a mother and may be a bit on edge - nothing unusual in that.

He is a grown man and he must make his own choices in life.

And your role is to stand back - he is no longer "yours" - he belongs to his little family unit and you have to learn a new role. It is not your place to say anything at all about your concerns. You risk lighting a tinder box - do not go there!

Difficult one. It may be better to speak to your DS rather than DIL. You will probably be feeling very protective if you feel she is constantly attacking him but any changes in their relationship have to come from them. Does he seem happy? Maybe he is making allowances for her adjusting to being a new mum? Driving a wedge between DIL and you is probably not going to help your son. Perhaps encourage him to talk to her to find the reason for the constant picking on him.