How Can Anyone Diagnose Another Person Mentally Unless They Are Qualified ?

I agree that using words such as narcissistic personality disorder about someone on a public forum in a derogatory manner when the poster has never met the person and encourage people they have never met towards a family rift is wrong and dangerous. A diagnosis of a mental health condition should, of course, only be undertaken by a professional after meeting the patient.

However, pedantically speaking, using the word 'narcissistic' as an adjective is not necessarily wrong imo. Babies and children are of necessity narcissistic, teenagers too. Some people remain selfish, jealous, lying and manipulative, spiteful, prone to tantrums all their lives and can cause damage to family relationships as a consequence. Describing them as 'selfish' is inadequate.

They are well able to function, do not need treatment because they are not mentally ill. However, knowing that someone tends to 'narcissism' can help those who are affected by it find a way of coping without cutting those people out of their lives totally and disrupting the whole family.
A sensible person will not bandy the word around causing more disruption in the family, but will gain an insight into how best to deal with that person's disruptive behaviour.

And it is often the MIL/DIL relationship which is the trigger for a controlling, jealous mother of a son to react - the DIL usurps her position as the woman who has always been the most important in her son's life.

Did tackle her and it didnt end well so Im letting her get on with it, I know that I am not the person she says I am.

Mumsy, you've got two options and only you will know your daughter so here goes.

If you tackle her directly, she may post even more unpleasant comments because she's enjoying the control of hurting you. People do this if they're angry, hurting, want to inflict pain or simply just be a nuisance by insisting on having the upper hand. Or she just might know that's she's not squeaky clean but wants to look like the victim by denigrating you publicly.
So you'll need to decide why she's doing it and if it's likely to result in more of the same posts if you approach her directly. It might be better telling your truth to the relatives who are reading it and simply ignoring her so you're not taking the bait.

Next option, go and get some legal advice. Copy everything, show your solicitor and consider a harrassment order. This is because spiteful and malicious posts made on a public forum about a person who can either identify themselves and be identified by others amounts to stalking and harrassment. You can also report it to the police and they will visit her and give her a warning.

No I cant be identified, but anyone who knows me and my family would pick up on it because of what daughter has posted.

As long as people can't be identified, it's not such a problem. It just hurts if you know the post is about you and it's not a version you recognise.
But believe me, laws are in place to deal with any defamatory posts made online which identify the person and cause them loss and distress.

It shows how you have to be very careful with the internet. If you don't want the world to know your business, don't post online. I do know that some people deliberately post comments to bait and hurt the intended victim.
It shows a lack of intelligence and emotional maturity which often backfires on the poster.
Best advice is not to get caught up in it or respond Mumsy. It might hurt buts that's why they do it. As long as your name isn't mentioned, or you can be identified by the poster, no one else knows the situation.

I know it helps people to share their situation and release their feelings. I also know it helps many people to bear their load by feeling connected to others in the same situation. Secret and closed groups are best for this. Open forums are far more open to abuses because the world can see what's written so it allcomes down to being discreet about what you post.

Iam64, I agree with you. I remember a girl at school who wore callipers, think she had been born with Polio. She wore the big, thick rimmed glasses and had other problems. Every day she got bullied and picked on by the others and they frequently used the name 'spastic'.

We are right to edge towards identifying mental health issues as part of a human condition that needs treating.

But what I see, and this is why I started this post, is the malicious use of psycho terminology such as narcissism, to attack and discredit another person. Or use it as an easy way out to cut them out of their lives when really, the main reason is, they can't be bothered to work on improving the relationship. It's too hard.

Can you be identified on it Mumsy?

I could be wrong, but I think another thing you can do is contact a solicitor. One letter from a solicitor can sometimes work wonders.

No no names were mentioned, I knew my daughter posted on this particular site and it was her nick name ( although she has now changed her nick name on that site) obviously she confirmed it was her when she sent me the abusive email.
Yes it will be there forever!! its only family that know it was her posting, but its knowing its still there regardless that people dont know me or my family.

Writing defamatory comments about family and friends isn't confined to mumsnet, as anyone who reads some threads on this forum will know.

I agree with the poster who referred to the difficulties of getting a diagnosis that would lead to therapeutic involvement whether it's from the NHS or any of the other support/caring organisations. Austerity cuts leave those with mental health problems and their families, struggling and isolated.

It's true that there is an increase in the use of psychiatric/psychological terminology in society. Is that always an entirely negative thing. Anya says early on in this thread, that discussion of mental health should be more like discussion on physical health, that is something we can all take part in. Most of us will be old enough to remember when the word 'cancer' was rarely used, people either mumbled or said "big C". Thankfully, now people discuss that illness without feeling they're stigmatising the patient.

Jane10 is right to say the NHS approach is generally that PD's are untreatable. This does not mean though, that constructive therapies don't exist, more that they can't happen in the 5 sessions of CBT the government sees as the catch all for anyone with any kind of mental health problem. Many people have personalities that make them not so easy to like or form relationships with. They may be selfish, angry, or see themselves as everyone's victim. That doesn't necessarily equate to a diagnosis of PD.

Mumsy, you're not the only one it's happened to. I ran a parents support group for several years and I think most members experienced similar.

There are things you can do. I'm a writer so I know the laws surrounding the internet and various breaches.

The owner of any site has a duty of care to enforce any members right to privacy, (are you reading this Mumsnetters?).
If a poster writes a defamatory post and any individual can be identified by it leading it to cause them loss and distress, they can be both sued and the site taken down.

Were you named in the post Mumsy, or has there been a way that you can be idenitified? If so, you have legal rights.

What's written on the internet is the same as what's written down in hard copy letter form. If this is exposed and read by third parties, the same law still applies.

Furthermore, any person who has to openly trash their relatives online in any kind of naming and shaming is only asking for trouble, It not only remains on the site, but if the site owner doesn't remove it, Google keeps it forever.
This means if someone does bring a legal action, and the post disappears, it can be retrieved and both poster and site owner can be facing trouble.

So, the moral of the story is, don't post defamatory comments about your family for the whole world to see and if you feel you must, because that's where your integrity is right now, don't name them

Im a parent and I have been ' trashed' on a forum by my younger daughter!! I made a complaint to the site owners and asked them to remove the posting as it was all lies and defamation of my character and was told that they would contact my daughter and ask her permission to remove it. My daughter refused so the site owners said the post stays!! I then got a very abusive email from my younger daughter having a go at me because I contacted the site owners!! Yes its still there on that site for all to see!!

Jalima, I like the bonkers word. Mad but harmless. Selfish is one up from there then we head into much deeper and darker territory. Some people love to do evil while smiling and looking like Snow White.

I for one am done with it all. Just remember, if you cut someone off, it's you that's ended the relationship, not them, so it will be you that has to repair things if such a situation arises.
Luckily. most of us turn the corner, embrace a new reality and then find it's actually quite liberating.
This is where I'm at now. It's all looking rosy and peaceful in my backyard at last. xxx

If a person only cares for themselves and are not interested in other people, I think only selfish describes it. Do think that a lot of people have entitlement issues, when they are growing up everything they ask for they get, that carries on through their lives. A couple in Australia some time ago, took their two year old to a Dog Home for the day to celebrated her birthday, gave all the money that she could have had on presents she didn't need for dog food, she had a wonderful day feeding and playing with the dogs.. That same day, a little girl in Londonk, celebrating her second birthday, had stretch limousines, big hotel, thousands of pounds of presents, chocolate fountain, entertainers the lot. I think I know which one I would like as an daughter when grown up.

Faye, I hear you. I do a job working with women and the other side of the coin is interesting. Adult children in some families are placing a very high expectation on their parents from lending money to unpaid child minding so yes, you're spot on. Peace equates to far more than anything else worth having. x

That bit where you said about diagnosing a third party makes lots of sense nina. On the other hand you might not realise how lucky you are when your family member has gone no contact with you, enjoy the peace!

Bonkers comes to mind, I do hope that is not a diagnosis

For the life of me I can't come up with another word other than selfish. I've tried but then it gets ugly. (wink)

Selfish??
That is such a mild word
Lol

Jalima, Obnoxious.

Two words bloody obnoxious.

Selfish Jalima.

Self-centred, jealous, a complete lack of empathy, spiteful, lying, trouble-making, prone to tantrums, trying to wreck family occasions? anyone have one adjective to describe someone prone to all that?

Preferably without involving migrants and lorry drivers?

Jane10 Yes she does. I agree Kittycat. And Daphne. Just watching the news now about the pressures on the NHs and how so many mental health patients are turning up at A & E. Surely the government must do something soon. x

kittycat makes a very valid point!

Well this week, and because having flu has given me an opportunity to reflect on things, I've got my closure from knowing I've done my best.
I am happy to take my life in a new direction. I'm very fortunate in many ways, family is the only fly in the ointment, but a new focus and a new kind of freedom is now on the cards.

I'll never understand the bitterness or the anger and if someone is constantly being unfairly critical, hostile, blaming you, pointing out all your perceived faults, calling you names and insisting you have mental problems, refusing to listen or even sit around a table and discuss, the only way is out because quite simply it's bullying. They haven't grown up.

So I'm back to work tomorrow and now looking forwards. If anyone is going through similar things, don't put your life on hold. There really is a life out there waiting and from my research, many, many families are experiencing the same rifts and falling outs. Groups for parents are warm, friendly and welcoming and they are a good place to connect with other parents and family members.
I don't spend much time on groups because of work but I'm on one or two hobby groups and they have expanded into new interests and friendships. xx

If only it was so easy to get a proper diagnosis of Mental Health problems. It would make the lives of the people who really have them and the people who care for them a lot less stressful.