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Single mum daughter needs more childcare

(11 Posts)
Granadier75 Tue 10-Jan-17 18:53:32

My daughter lives a long way from me but I do visit about once a month. I like looking after my 5 year old grandchild but now my daughter who is sometimes on call for 24 hours needs someone to be at home with her daughter at these times. Should I offer to go up more often?

chelseababy Tue 10-Jan-17 19:05:46

It depends on so many things. Are you a free agent or

tanith Tue 10-Jan-17 19:06:46

You could offer to do some of the extra caring but would it be enough to cover all the needs or would she have to find someone else as well? If she has to find someone else as well then only do it if you really want to.

tanith Tue 10-Jan-17 19:07:40

sorry for the two 'as wells' blush

chelseababy Tue 10-Jan-17 19:08:16

do you have other family work commitments? Any help you give would presumably need to fit round her in call periods. I'd be careful to not promise/offer too much.

Rinouchka Tue 10-Jan-17 19:11:36

It depends on what other responsabilities you have. If I were in your situation, and I could help, I would, but perhaps see it as a temporary help, until other arrangements might be made.

I went to Paris for 3 months to look after DD2's first baby when her maternity leave ended and no other childcare was yet possible. Her work involved very long shifts. My relationship with a previously difficult DD2 blossomed and my bond with the baby is still strong, four years later.

Go for it if you can and see it as a labour of love. Good luck in whatever you decide to do!

FarNorth Tue 10-Jan-17 23:11:42

Has your daughter asked you to help with this?
If she has, only agree to do what you can cope with. If she hasn't, maybe she has it all in hand, but you could offer to help out occasionally if you are happy to do that.

Starlady Wed 11-Jan-17 10:31:26

How often would she need you? It sounds as if the hours she would be gone are unpredictable - can you deal with that? What if you get sick? Does she have a backup person? It may be a good idea for her to have both you and another adult involved or she may find it more practical to work with a professional day care service.

You can offer, of course, but I agree with FarNorth - "only agree to do what you can cope with." Also, please accept it graciously if she says "No thank you." Again, as FN says, she may have it "all in hand.'

Granadier75 Wed 11-Jan-17 18:33:40

Thank you all for your suggestions. My daughter has not asked me for help but mentioned the difficulty. I know for the first on call the other grandmother will have M. to stay as it is a week-end. She is not well herself so I felt I should offer even though I live much further away. I have suggested a care minder but I doubt if she would be able to do nights and my daughter does not want a stranger looking after M. I shall think it over and if I think I can help I will.

nina1959 Wed 11-Jan-17 18:43:50

How well do you and your daughter get on? What sacrifices would you have to make to move? Could you move back if it didn't work out? What if your daughter meets a new partner, what will be your role then?

Granadier75 Tue 17-Jan-17 16:31:31

Nina, thanks for your comments. I get on well with my daughter but I am not prepared to move. My friends and step family live near me but I would have nowhere to stay if I wanted to visit them. My eldest daughter has been trying to persuade her sister to move. Meanwhile my eldest is willing to go up (she has been made redundant at work) and thinks I am too old to do anymore! Problem solved for the time being.