Sleeping in separate rooms

Had exact same problem with severe chest infections, both me and my husband had them at the same time. We both decided we needed our sleep because that is what is needed mostly to recover properly. After years of sleeping in the same bed and him keeping me awake each night snoring I found it blissful to get a proper nights sleep in a separate bed. Then he decided it was great not having me keep waking him each night telling him to turn over. Sleep is the best restorer. Just because you are not in the same bed does not take the love away. In the end we settled for twin beds one each end of the room far enough for peace. It was the best thing we have done. We are still in the same room but not tossing and turning waking each other. We still enjoy the 'love' as and when. you can always go in another room whenever is needed when you're ill.

I'm sorry Lili2 but I actually laughed out loud at your post ! The dog was startled enough to come and see what was happening !

The benefit of it just being the 2 of us is sex is neither confined to a time ( or a room) overshare ??

After 40 years of marriage and then taking retirement I'd like to say afternoon 'naps' are the BEST ???

We started sleeping in separate rooms when I was menopausal. I was waking up with hot flushes and tormented by insomnia, so I would take myself off to the spare room. That became more and more frequent and I do think DH felt a bit rejected at first. Since then he has come to realise that we both get a much better night's sleep in separate rooms and he is fine with it. I would say do what suits you both, but the feeling of rejection might be tough to overcome.

I can`t thin k of anything worse than sleeping in the same bed with someone who snores , thrashes about , reads with the light on etc . It shouldn`t compromise your sex life to have a decent nights sleep surely just the opposite . I have been divorced for 12 years and sleeping alone is one of the best things about being single . Even if I ever had another relationship sleeping in the same bed would be a step too far , I find the thought quite disturbing

We have a very similar situation to others as I go to bed earlier and my husband sometimes snores. I used to go into the spare room but then often couldn't get back to sleep for a long time. We have slept separately for about a year, but I always go back into our bed in the morning and we have a cup of tea there (kettle and cups by the bed) before we get up. We find that works very well for the bonding.

I agree that it's lovely to have your own room and be able to put the light on, read, listen to the radio, etc.

I hate his snoring. I hate it that he sets the alarm for 5.30. He hates that I dig him for snoring, He hates it that I pull the duvet off him in the night. Both our sleep is compromised, but we both love the companionship and closeness of sleeping together. We'd both think we'd feel a little lonely in separate rooms. I can see the benefits but I'd be reluctant. Maybe I'm worried I'd sleep so much better I wouldn't want to go back to our shared bed. I did wonder why somone posted that it's unhealthy. I've never heard that before.

Good for you bionics omen. Whatever suits you and harms no one else.

You certainly won't hear any snores from that distance, bionicwoman

Hey - my husband and I sleep in separate houses 9 miles apart!
We've been very happily married for 6 years, been 'together' for 14, but we've never lived together.
It works for us, and I do find that at the end of a fortnight's holiday that I'm looking forward to getting back to normal.
When he came over for Christmas, he slept in my bed whilst I slept in my daughter's (with the dogs).
Some (rather rude) people ask why we got married. Simple. We love each other. And we really do. Speak 2 or 3 times every day on the phone, see him once or twice a week for supper (he doesn't stay over).
Do what suits you. One size does not fit all.

Alas for me that part of life is over. TMI? However in a previous life separate bedrooms was never a hinderence. As Ginny said what a sheltered life.

Oh Lili2, what a sheltered life you have led. :-D

We spend quite a bit of time in separate rooms, the spare bed is always made up. DH snores and snuffles and can be very restless, he is also a late bird, sitting up to finish books and then waking me up when he comes to bed!

We dip in and out and he agrees that sometimes it's nice to have your own space. You can see it as making coming back together as special. As for sex, I'm usually out for the count by bedtime so special time has to be found for that too! Say no more .

Whenever the fancy takes us Lili.

Off course mostly in the afternoons .Then we ask is it your roon or mine

Surely most people don't only have sex at night. If you are retired there are plenty of opportunities during the day. Those dark afternoons in winter perhaps? Use your imagination! Also I think that "cuddle" in these communications is probably a euphemism for sex! (Maybe some people think it's too much bother to get dressed and undressed more than once a day!)

If you sleep in separate rooms, how do you manage your sexual life then? No-one has mentioned sex.....does it take place at all? and when? I would be interested to know....

Dh and i both have seperate rooms.But its only as i suffer from M/E and an awake all night with intractable insommia.I keep him awake all night .I also have a lot of other health issues.Which means i have symtoms of pain and muscle pain in particular.This means i av to turn around often in bed .We tried a king size bed and it wasnt enough.So wen my youngest son movwd out two years ago we did his room up for my husband .He has a huge telly and sky and a lovely bedroom suite.All his bits and bobs, that i wouldnt av wanted in my girlie room.As fir our marriafe weve been married 35 years and are still happy together.Sonetimes needs must.I doesnt av to be the beginning of the end if you work at it.

One of the very best things about divorce is having a double bed all to oneself. I always sleep very well. Not that I'm trying to split up any happy couples!

My OH is one who sits up until the really early hours. He used to come into bed at 3 or 4 in the morning icy cold waking me up. I reached the point of not being able to sleep at all well because I never knew when my sleep would be disturbed.

I had also developed very painful problems with my shoulder tendons and was then having to get up in the early hours to sit in a chair. I then had surgery to repair them then needed more space to sleep. Having my own bed is wonderful. It seems health issues take their toll over this.

I slept in the spare room when I returned home after my hip operation, not very happy. glad to get back to sleeping together, holding hands.

My late husband and I had separate rooms for years due to conflicting work patterns - it worked very well. When I recently remarried my current husband assumed that we would share a room, it was hell, he snores and thrashes around the bed. I bought ear plugs which helped with the snoring. Then a virus hit and he moved into a different room where he has stayed- he absolutely loves it- his own man cave and we both get a good nights sleep. It has only brought benefits to us as we are both refreshed and not grumpy in the mornings!!!!

Btw, HE doesn't get to decide when it's time to go back to sleeping together, YOU have a say in it too!

For now, I would just tell dh, "Sorry, but we're both still sick and I need to sleep alone. Your coughing awakens me and I end up exhausted since I'm still sick myself." That will buy you time to decide if you want to keep things this way permanently and how to approach it.

Enjoy your trip!

DH has discovered a different snore , which he carries out with gusto. It begins with something like a whimper, then a whine then the groaning starts.... Can't stand it, so here I am, in the spare room, in a bed not quite long enough and with the cat plonked slap-bang in the middle of the eiderdown, because she was here first.