Sleeping in separate rooms

We have both had this flipping virus and have spent a lot of time 'apart'! I quite enjoy it every now and again but would hate it on a permanent basis.

Have you talked to your husband about the problems? It's a difficult topic if you don't both feel the same.

Not much help, really - sorry!

My friend and her husband have had separate rooms for over 20 years. She says it is bliss. They do share a room (and a bed) on holiday, however.

Do so then. Really. It is that simple. A good relationship is not all about sleeping in the same bed. And not sleeping because of banging about, snoring and coughing are happiness and comfort wreckers. Go with comfort for everyone's sake.

Would separate beds in the same room work? Doesn't deal with the sounds although I guess being a bit further apart might help. Suspect you aren't alone with this dilemma.

Absolutely the way to go, I don't know why people are so worried about it. On GN alone there are lots of couples happily together but sleeping in separate rooms. (there was a thread about this before )
We started having separate rooms due to health problems but continue to do so for the same reasons you gave. My husband goes to bed later than me and I get up earlier so works all round. Our relationship has not suffered in any way, probably improved as we are both rested now. The one problem which does arise is how to resolve things on holiday, separate rooms , share again or get a villa with more bedrooms.
Go for it

Good morning Liz. Did you sleep well in the same room before the chest infections? If you move for a bit it doesn't have to be forever just until you're both well again. Good luck.

The problem with your plan bags, is if one does want to and the other one doesn't. Then one person could feel rejected even if that isn't the intention.

Thank you for your replies. Yes, we obviously need to discuss this. Maybe now is not the best time as I am feeling exhausted. I am downstairs with a cup of tea and I can hear him snoring despite having the news on t.v.

We are off to India for a holiday soon but I am not too worried as we will have a super king size bed so can get away from each other a bit. Also, when on holiday, we have a couple of drinks after dinner so that will help! Having said that, there will be three 'dry' days while we are there because of elections but I'm sure we will be o.k.

Could you accommodate a king size bed at home ?

Nana3, the snoring was a problem before the chest infections. I have loved being in the spare room. I haven't bothered to close the curtains as there are just trees at the back of the house and we are not overlooked.

Been there kitty. Got over it. DH and I have completely different body clocks which is fine when you're young and randy but..... There's all of our waking, well-slept lives together to be companionable. It doesn't all have to take place in bed or at night.

We have seperate rooms too. it started when i was going through the 'change' and got hot flushes. I would want open windows and no duvet, he likes to burrow down for the night. Neither of us was getting any rest. So DH went into the spare room. It worked fine and still does. He stays up late at night i dont, he lies in till late, i dont. This way we do not disturb each other. I must admitt i rather like having my 'own room' something i never ever had even as a child as i always had to share with one or two sisters.

Not everyone would get over it though and feel they were being rejected - and not just from a sex point of view.

I hope you can resolve this well Liz it is hard to be tired all day. It's lovely too to have your own space, particularly in the middle of the night.

But who would warm my feet ?

Liz have you got a record function on your phone ? It may help him be more sympathetic if he could hear himself . Depends how selfish he is of course ! but loads of people manage good relationships without sleeping in the same bed .

Liz46 just take yourself off to the spare room at the very first sign of a snore and explain to your DH in the morning. You need your sleep. On the odd night when things aren't too noisy you'll probably won't be troubled and will wake up together.

If you find you're waking up in the spare room almost every night then that's time for discussion and surely DH will understand.

If the snoring is that bad it might be time for your Dh to see his Gp!

Excellent advice, Anya. This is what we do when the snoring or coughing gets too bad for the other. Fortunately, it is just sporadic rather than regular.

However, if snoring is nightly and noisy, as you imply, then you need to discuss what is best for both of you.

Can't see the problem. We have slept in seperate rooms for about 4 years now for several of the reasons already given. We both get a good nights sleep which gives us plenty of energy for other things. ;-)

We've slept in separate rooms for a couple of years now. We work very early hours so I go to bed at 7:30 or 8:00. DH works until 10:00pm three nights a week, and doesn't want to disturb me when he comes in. The arrangement suits me fine. When we downsize, we are having separate beds in the same room, but we'll be fully retired by then.

We seem to play musical beds most of the time . We sometimes go to bed at the same time but as many men seem to do my DH stays up until the small hours and then sleeps late , I am and always have been a lark . He also snores for England and he tends to talk n his sleep very loudly ! So I'm often in the other room by the morning . As for holidays we usually self cater and book a larger place anyway as DH can't bear tiny "cosy" accomodation , so I do the same thing on holiday .

The snoring has been worse recently as OH has put on weight. This is not entirely his fault as his arthritis has been bad so he is not as mobile as he used to be.

Also with the chest infection, my appetite went and I lost 5lb very quickly. With being brought up just after the war, I hate wasting food so would ask him if he wanted to finish my food and being greedy he did!

I don't need to record him snoring f77ms - he wakes himself up as well sometimes so he knows.

It's reassuring to be told that others have similar problems. If I wasn't feeling so tired this morning, I would probably have a discussion with him but will leave it until later. We don't really argue but I would hate to upset him.

We had a discussion on this topic last year and the consensus seemed to be sleep apart if you are both happy about it and get a good night's sleep.
We use different rooms when not well, as you disturb the other person, coughing and hacking and sniffling ( just been through all that recently) but as soon as we feel better are glad to be together again.I think we both snore so probably not a problem.