My dil...

Minimo
What you eat is your business and no one else.
How important is your relationship with your dil.
Would it upset the 'apple cart' if you told her that you appreciate her concern but you decide what you eat not her.

Sounds like she has issues where food is concerned.?Why not invite her and your son, and if you have grandchildren, around for a meal making sure there is bread and cake available.
See if she comments then.
Just a thought.?

Look up the bmi charts on line. If you are around 25 then that's fine. If much more, then yes, u need to drop a bit. I've recently gone down to 24 for my health. If you are sure she s genuinely trying to help, have a word in private, tell her it upsets you to get those comments.
If you think she s not genuinely trying to help, then work on a reply to say in front of others at table. E.g." Your comments are rude" .
It's a minefield, cos we re all easily upset by family remarks. Work out if the rest of the relationship is good , and if so, personally I'd just smile at her remarks, say nowt, but make a comment silently.

Minimo
What you eat is your business and no one else.
How important is your relationship with your dil.
Would it upset the 'apple cart' if you told her that you appreciate her concern but you decide what you eat not her.
Sounds like she has issues of her own where food is concerned.?
Why not invite her and your son, and if you have grandchildren, around for a meal making sure there is bread and cake available.
See if she comments then.
Just a thought hmm

Just RUDE!!
If I was you I would definitely be asking to see her badge as she's clearly joined the fat police!!
You are clearly upset by it or you wouldn't have posted on GN.
Before it becomes a huge issue pls find a way to speak to her about it ?

I think she's being incredibly rude and insulting.

I would have a witty and cutting response ready for the next time she makes a comment. If that does not work, tell her how hurtful and bullying her behaviour is. And ask her whether she has an issue with weight.

It is awful for children to be seeing this as they will become overly concerned with their own weight.

I would just say very nicely that you are not too bothered about your weight, but you will see what the doctor says next time you go. Say to her that you are fond of your food, but when you are out and about or visiting, you like to stop watching what you eat as it is a depressing not having lovely meals to look forward to when you are careful at home (even if you are not!). She may be being deliberately rude, but it may be real concern and perhaps rocking the boat too hard may cause more problems than it solves. DiLs can be difficult at the best of times.

She is being rude and controlling. Her pretending to be charming and polite does not make her behaviour acceptable. It is clearly making you feel uncomfortable, so she needs to be put in her place and the grans here have suggested some great options for dealing with her (lack of) manners. There is no reason why you should put up with her ongoing passive aggressive superior attitude. Perhaps next time she gives you a skinny portion of cake, you should ask her whether it is rationed.

Being a former teacher we used to teach kids to problem solve like this: When you...
I feel ..... Because....
When you say things about what I eat
I feel bad
Because it seems like you are not happy with my weight and want to control what I eat
You have now been nice and put the ball in her corner

The other thing you could do of course is to deliberately talk to your son and act more upset than you actually are - eg cry a little and ask him to tell his wife you are now upset. Be a bit more Machiavellian if you have got to the point where humour doesn't work. It sounds as if she is continuing this little joke and doesn't realise she is now causing genuine hurt.

I am overweight, Epileptic & Diabetic Type 2, I also have Arthritis & have had for many years, I'm only 61.

I would love to lose weight but as a previous GP remarked "to lose weight you need to exercise, to exercise causes you pain" a Catch 22 situation, he could remark on my weight as he was my GP for 22 years but he never pressured me.

My Epilepsy medication also slows my metabolism also making it difficult to shed weight. I love gardening & work as vigorously as possible but this can only be short bursts. Last year I lost 1 stone in a couple of months, sadly as I'm less active in the Winter I've put it back on.

My diet is healthy as I follow the recommended Diabetic eating guidelines, plenty of veg, some fruit & portion control.

In OP place I would not put up with DiL making remarks & I'm afraid I couldn't "smile sweetly", I would have to "bite back". Even my DM (you're always a child to your Mum) although she worries about me & may question if "I'm allowed" something does accept that I can have a "treat" sometimes

Next time she says something, ask her in a non threatening way to show you how she does burpees. Rehearse this beforehand.

I can't agree that DiL may not realise she is being ill mannered/bossy/ controlling.

Unless she has very poor social skills she must realise what she's doing. I may be wrong, but I get the impression that she is enjoying making the OP annoyed and uncomfortable. She may be using the justification that it's 'for your own good' but that is often the way bossy people who feel smugly superior justify themselves.

I would ask her, as nicely and politely as possible, to stop making a thing about it, since it is rude and annoying, and furthermore any question of your weight is not her concern.

I think her comments are completely out of line. She does not have any respect for you. Is she so perfect, I doubt it as no-one is, I haven't met a perfect person in my life. Do you think she is trying to get to you as your other points are just beautiful and she is picking on the one thing that she can and it makes her feel the better person.
I had a sister who was a bit overweight, so what. Its not her place to be so horrible. There is more going on with her, and it is probably about herself and not you. She is more than likely insecure about herself. Hold your head up high. Don't take any notice. Answer with a bit of humor. Say, "what I thought I was perfect ha ha". Then take it with a grain of salt, you are the better person. As I said before, it is about her not you, enjoy your cake, you deserve it at this time of your life.

The trouble is that for a thin person, especially one who works hard at it, it's such a simple matter... Eat less! Move more! Look how it works for me! You too can be like me, if you just don't eat that bread!!! They often fail to understand the difficulties some people face with food.

I'd just ignore it, and have an extra slice just for devilment!

It is rude and bullying behaviour and because you don't want to cause a family rift you are putting up with it and suffering in silence. Some good comments here. Perhaps she is obsessed with her own weight and trying various diets? All the magazines and adverts show waif-like young girls, but when you look at women in the street they come in all shapes and sizes. I suffered with a bully at work and I did not respond because I had to work with her every day, and I am never good with the quick clever responses. However another younger colleague did not put up with it and there were major screaming rows, complaints, meetings etc. I think the best way is to get her on her own and have a quiet word, and ask her what the problem is, and tell her you feel uncomfortable. If you are happy with your weight, BMI, blood pressure and cholesterol, let her know. You never know, she may be concerned about you in her own way but doesn't know how to bring the subject up and it ends up in snidey remarks (I'm being nice here).

The problem is not that the OP is overweight or whatever, it is the constant "drip-drip" of the DiL's behaviour. I'm afraid I consider it to be bullying. I'm a fine one to talk as my family has done that to me so much, regarding my sense of humour/my DH/my DCs or whatever that I have cut off all contact with them. It is totally undermining.
If you are able to talk to her quietly minimo and tell her that you appreciate her concern but to please desist from bringing it up every time you eat there, perhaps the woman will stop. I'm not holding my breath... but wish you well.

Dear Minimo,

Could you not try the absolute truth. Simply say you find the comments upsetting and would appreciate if she stopped making them ? You may need to be quite firm depending on her nature

Minimo.......How about dialogue something gentle and jokey like 'I don't have a problem with my weight. Do You?' Now DiL will either interpret this as referring to herself or you. Perhaps this will ice break and a short topical conversation could ensue. Here's hoping......

Thing is an overweight person knows in their heart they are overweight, it does not help if a family member keeps harping on about it, it is horrible. If the person asks for help to lose weight then that is a different matter.

Minimo, is it a possibility that SHE is the one with the weight problem, and she is projecting her anxiety on you? By "weight problem" I meant that she may either be borderline overweight herself, or is silently dealing with anorexia, bulimia, etc. - or she simply might be trying to lose a few pounds and she's looking for someone to help her along. The reason I ask is because my mother has had a lifelong issue with her own weight, even though she's skinny as a rail - she'll be 93 this year and she STILL picks at her food, viciously gossips about who is "too fat", and she berates my sister and me if we gain a little, even though we're all normal weight and fine. You have my empathy!

I have a problem with a very overweight DIL, I am genuinely concerned about her health, I have not made any comment, how do I deal with it?

This is rather sad - Doctors do not comment on increased weight - in fact some of the health service employees are very overweight as well, because of causing offence!
I think you should be thankful that someone loves you enough - as you said - not coming from a bad place! - to show concern for your health, which you are inclined to ignore.
I think everyone has a responsibility to face up to indulgent habits with food and if you are let's use the word fat, instead of pretending it doesn't exist, imagine carrying around that amount of butter in your arms all day long! You will be amazed at how your general health will improve, your levels of energy and self esteem -why not try to work with your DiL?
Although the consensus may be that our health is our own business and no-one else - who picks up the tab for the long-term health implications/complications/drugs/specialist equipment/ambulances/surgical procedures with longer hospital stays required to control the results of overindulgence. Let's praise those with the foresight to do something about it instead? Work with DiL and be grateful for her love.

Tell her in a joking way, your the adult & she married your son not you anyway, I definitely need to lose a lot of weight but wouldn't take kindly to anyone telling me so & I am not one that likes conflict, but in this case I would say something, it's up to you if you are happy as you are ok, if not when & if you feel like shedding some do so, only you know if you want to or not & if &
when, no-one can tell you when you are ready

Anyway, if she's got bread on the table, what is it there for if not for visitors to have a piece ? The other thing you could say when she comments whether it is a good idea is to either say Yes, or ask if its mouldy as if it is her fault.

You must start being a bit humorous about this. Or you could creep up to her and lie that her meals are so lovely but always a bit on the calorific side, nicely putting her in the wrong with a back handed compliment. She is putting you down all the time, presumably because she is a bit of a health freak.

Anorexia is the product of mental illness grannypiper whereas being chubby rarely is (being obese might be I suppose.But more often than not it's the result of eating too much and not exercising enough .And costs the NHS a fortune ).I think it would be appalling to joke about it .
And thankfully it is no longer seen as acceptable to joke about skin colour, sexual orientation etc either,particularly as they are characteristics you are born with
I'm not saying jokes about chubbiness are ok either but as it's largely self inflicted I can see why it's seen as 'fair game'