My dil...

I think the next time it happens I would say "look DIL, you are constantly making these types of remarks. Is there something you'd actually like to say, rather than dropping comments, because if not, would you please just stop doing it".

I had MIL living with us at a time when she was on a weight loss programme which included stays in hospital for supervised extreme diet. When I cooked meals I served the whole family the same food, no potatoes or cakes and biscuits. I thought that it wouldn't hurt us in the short term and MIL would not feel as if she was being treated differently. DC were having cooked lunches at school so were not missing out on nutrition.
Unless you have been told you have a problem with your weight then it is just so rude.

She's being very rude.Think of all the rude responses you'd like to make . . . but don't say them, remain diplomatic. You could always say polite things like 'I'm so glad it's just a light for lunch, we're having a roast for tea." Or a veiled criticism of her bread "I discovered some really nice bread from . . . It always tastes so much fresher."

I think you have to be flippant without being nasty, play her at her own game. For instance it used to get me mad when in a group, the biscuits would be passed around and the stick thin people would say 'Oh no thank you, I'm trying to cut down' Then people would look at me as a normal to slightly heavier person and almost whisk the biscuits away, and I'd say,
'Oh yes please, I 'm trying to Increase' !!

I am a bit overweight myself, I know I am, and try to eat more sensibly. By commenting on your weight I think she is being rude, and you could say, unless you choose to ignore it every time, that either you find it boring - just do a little laugh and say something along the lines of "Oh what a boring subject, lets talk about something much more interesting" or say "well I've done 50 planks this morning, how many have you done?". Or you could bring her a very calorific cake when you visit, just for the hell of it. She may be trying to be helpful, but her method isn't helpful or you wouldn't have started this thread would you ? You could ask her to be your slimming mentor, but that would be awful for you, or you could say well we can't all be slim like you and you'll find that as you age you tend to put on a few pounds.

She is being passive aggressive. My sister used to buy me clothes a size too small for birthday or Christmas presents (after asking my size). She even did it when I was in hospital and I needed her to get me a nightdress and dressing gown. If we were out and I asked for a coke she'd buy a diet coke and I once asked her to buy some butter when she was on her way to me for Christmas and she brought diet spread (which was no use as I wanted it for cooking). She would act innocently surprised if I said anything.
It is rude and it is superior. You started off being amused, you are now irritated and the next stage is to be angry. You either have to grit your teeth and bear it, spend less time with her or firmly say tell her to pack it in.

If the bread is there when you sit down for food could you not just help yourself to a piece before eating? Are you eating with young kiddies? If so she might be trying to get them to eat their food without filling up on bread as well. People can be unthinking at times when they really mean to be helpful - is she very slim herself? If all else fails and you really need some bread with your food then I'd be tempted to wrap a piece of nice bread from home and bring it with me in my bag!

My elder daughter has put on a lot of weight and I tend to do the same as your DIL I'm afraid minimo though I try to restrain myself it's prompted by concerns for her health . (Its not like I'm sylphlike and she has inherited my body type)
Dare one ask how overweight you actually are ?I have recently lost 20lbs .I need to lose another 3 to get to a healthy BMI so obviously wasn't obese .I have an underactive thyroid which slows my metabolism and arthritic knees which can make exercise a challenge .I've done it slowly over 9 months, prompted by a raised cholesterol level and the premature death of my only sibling which has made my younger daughter (health service professional)very anxious about health of DH and myself. (And indeed her sister)While I agree its not your DIL place and she's not going about it very tactfully perhaps she is genuinely concerned about your weight ?Would you accept what she says from a daughter?

She is being rude. I am a porker and that is my business!!!

To invite someone for a meal and take pride in strategically placing some of the food out of reach is vile behaviour.

When she comes round to your home, don't feed her at all and have 2 bags of Malteesers to celebrate when she goes home.

We are obsessed by obesity in very unhealthy ways,just as we are with smoking, both potentially bad for us, nonetheless out own business as long as other are not affected.

This controlling aspect of young women is far more sinister and damaging to other people than a few pies or fags is.

I would tell her to bugger off with her good advice.

We are all so concerned about not upsetting anyone that we overlook the fact that our own feelings are being hurt. If you are on good terms with her could you not have a quiet word with her and explain that whilst you appreciate she doesn't intend to be hurtful nevertheless her remarks are upsetting you.

OP does she make direct comments or is more oblique plus the bread out of reach actions etc?

I would not let it go , why should you ? it is rude and condescending . I like merlograns answer or grannybens if you would like an explanation ! It is easy for the younger generation to think that they have all the answers and will never be a bit overweight themselves . I am heavier than I used to be but it is not to do with what I eat , more to do with health problems , the natural slowing of metabolic rate , inability to excersise enough to make a difference and medication .

having someone belittling you about your weight is not at all helpful ! Perhaps your dil doesnt realise how hurtful her comment are. I think you should have a quiet word with your dil and tell her that her comments about your weight are hurtful and ask her to keep them to herself.

There are often threads seeking advice about how to tackle a problem e.g. a friend who smells, has a dirty house, unkempt children, heavy smoker, etc. The general view is to be kind and try to drop hints, such as 'would you like me to help you tidy-up', or other such less than subtle hints

You say you're only 'slightly heavy' - are you perhaps kidding yourself and DIL is trying to be helpful?

How often do you have lunch/ eat at her house? Can't you just be the grown up here and ignore the comments? You say she's not mean and it's not coming from a bad place. I am tempted to ask you how overweight you are and if her behaviour has changed recently in response to any recent weight gain by you. Just let it go - it the great scheme of dil relationship problems, this is a non starter.
grannypiper where on earth did all that come from?

You are being kind but she is being extremely rude I think the answers you have been given are good ones (I doubt I d have been so diplomatic I m afraid )

Grannyben has the answer in think.

"I'd really love some bread, it does look like a really good idea, thanks for asking."

I guess you don't want to upset your daughter in law but she is upsetting you. I agree with others, you need to object to the comments, but quietly and with humour if you can manage it.

I wouldn't dream of passing comment about someone's weight!
Very insensitive, to say the least!

I can see that you don't want things to become uncomfortable so if any further comments are made I would just reply "why, is there something wrong?" She is going to either have to explain her comments or back down

Gosh, I would be SO insulted by that! I must admit, my DS (who goes to the gym every day) keeps giving me hints as to how I could lose weight and I'm sure she means it kindly but it does niggle me a bit.

Cheek!

If she asked me if having a slice of bread was a Good Idea I'd be tempted to say, 'Why, did you make it yourself?'

Store up a few cutting comments. To hell with putting up with her rudeness. She needs to realise she's making you feel uncomfortable.

I think she is being rude too and patronising. You make your own choices so tell her to get off her pedestal and let you worry about your weight when it's necessary.
Jomarie has the right idea.