My dil...

How bloody rude. It seems that these days the only people that are game is the overweight, try making a joke about an anorexic and all hell will break loose, try jokes about someones religion, sexual orientation, colour or country of origin and the "outraged" and "disgusted" hand wringers of this world will pull you to bits, calling you every name under the sun but if you are chubby then according to the "outraged thats just fine

'The bread is placed on the other side of the table and when I ask for it to be passed to me she'll be all charming but pointedly ask me if I think that's really such a good idea?'

thats SO rude!

Tell her you're an adult and pretty sure you can eat carbs so no need to worry. If you were morbidly obese, or it effected your health and relied on them for help then i could see her worry.

And take your own bread next time, a nuce big crusty loaf

I think she's actually being very rude! Yes, Jomarie's suggestion is a good one.

Good answer Jomarie!

What about doing the opposite when she visits you ? Pile her plate and tell her sweetly to keep her strength up

I think that in your shoes I would be inclined to smile very sweetly and assure her that you are old enough now to make your own choices and that if and when your doctor advises you to lose weight for health reasons then she can be assured that you will ask her advice on how to do so. Smiling sweetly all the time should keep it civilised.