Now retired, my husband wants us to travel - I will miss Grandchildren!

If you get health problems you will be unable to travel so go while you can. I am getting to that stage insurance costs more the older you get and the more visits to GP you have to make. As I say go while you are able. I am hoping to go to Canada this year, trying to organise something my friend and I agree on. We are both late 70's.

Go for goodness sake! Don't put it on hold, you never know what is round the corner health wise as you get older. Embrace the fact that you have your health and the wherewithal to afford such a dream holiday. Skype and FaceTime often, but not every day, my DD has a MIL in Australia who does this and it drives her mad plus the children don't want to talk to her every day which she finds upsetting. Email photos, send postcards and look forward to how excited they will be to see you on your return. Your husband has the right to your consideration too. I know this will sound harsh but you had all the 'firsts' with your own child, the 'Firsts' for your DGC are for the parents and you should allow that so go is my advice.

It's not forever is it. You can Skype, telephone, text. Time will fly and you will have a pleasant return home. Daughter will cope.

Minalta, when I started to read your post I thought you meant 3/4 years not months! Goodness that's not long you know. It will fly by and really enhance your newly retired outlook with your husband. As a grandparent of children in other continents I am envious of the amount of time you are already able to share with your family. I too am 'very close' to my children/grandchildren but am proud of their independence and self-reliance too.

Minalta MrA's dream when we retired was to go boating in America for a whole year. Like you I baulked at the idea of leaving the family here, although we don't live near them and only see them every couple of months or so.

We compromised and go for 3 months at a time. We started in January 2014 and have done about half of our journey.

I am not really an adventurous type, but felt I had to make the effort for him, though I felt very apprehensive. Going by himself wasn't an option.

It has been a fantastic experience, and I wouldn't have missed it for anything. One thing that has made it more worthwhile is writing a blog about it. That made me observe things more closely than I might otherwise have done, find out more about the places we've visited, and also be generally more upbeat and positive.Friends and family read the blog so I have to appear reasonably cheerful! It's also a good place to keep photos, and useful to refer back to, when we find we can't quite remember exactly where something amusing happened or we saw something interesting.

Go for it while you are newly retired and active - you don't know what's round the corner.

Forty years ago my parents retired and went on a 3 month trip back to my mum's country in South Africa . They had not been for over 20 years . I moved into their house with my DH and a 2 year old and looked after my old gran of 88 and a very difficult 17 year old sister ! They had a wonderful time but said much later they did not know how they had the cheek to do it . I'm so pleased they did because 2 years later my father developed bladder cancer and would never have gone after that .Go ,you never know what will happen in the future, your DD will manage , I would jump at the chance but OH won't travel further than he can drive ?

So what, I assume you are married to your husband and not your children or grandchildren. And would you believe it they'll still be there when you get back. So go and enjoy your travels. And there are all sorts of ways of keeping in touch anyway.

Go now while you can still get travel insurance! It only needs one health scare & things get difficult...

You are right thatbags, they must consider each others feelings as well as the children
It did sound like it was a dream for both of them.

My husband and I bought a boat and after renovating it, we sailed to Greece five years ago. My four grandchildren ages 4, 4, 2 and 1, were born within two years of each other, and of course I miss them terribly. But we come back from the boat for several months over the winter, and I spend as much time as I can with them then. You can use Skype and Facetime, and to be honest, who can remember their grandparents or what they were doing, before the age of 4?
At least you are not going forever. Some people live an awful lot further from their grandchildren, like Australia, or even the north of Scotland, and only get to see them once or twice a year if they are lucky,. Go on your holiday, don't feel guilty.

thatbags, my comment re DH being a big boy now too was in response to the remark that the OP's daughter is a big lady, not a child playing with dolls. Which is harsh, seeing as all we know about the daughter is that she seems to be encouraging her parents to go!

Of course the OP should consider her husband's stance, and he hers. You've obviously missed my suggestion that they compromise.

If I'd had asich a dream and my partner didn't want to join me, I'd go on my own. Has that option been considered?

I feel that my GN contribution is solely recording my offers to go off with other people's husbands (sight unseen) and here I go again.

A few months is nothing but will do so much for your marriage which surely is still precious to you?

I was going to do so many things when my kids grew up, then became ill and am not able to do many things at all now, which is something to consider for you both now.

The kids won't be bereft, it isn't forever and it is a fine example to set them having adventures.

Life is for living and is so very short.

Compromise by both looks good to me.

OP said "as we always dreamed of doing". That seems inclusive of her to me.

But Baubles its not her dream. Its her DHs plan. My Grandparents used to go on long trips and we were never as close to them as we were to the stay at home grandparents. Their choice and they were a bit miffed about it but had to live with it.
Could the OP? I know I couldn't. Its not a competition between GPs its just I'm too attached to those wee boys almost instinctively. Its heart over head.

It's only 3-4 months. There is Skype and FaceTime etc. It's not like you're going to drop of the face of the earth. I understand your desire to be there for support and to see the firsts but what if you don't go?

How will your husband feel?

What if you don't go and something happens to him so you can't go?

How will you feel?

Either way one of you is going to have to compromise .

If it was me I'd go - I'm very close to my daughters and 4 grandchildren but life is for living every day especially in the later years. I travel with my husband for 6-8 weeks at a time. I come back with gifts and stories and pictures and think it makes me a more interesting, interested person. I want my grandchildren to think 'Wow Nana the explorer' .

I hope you choose to go - happy exploring !

I find it rather strange that a man simply has to cope with his feelings ("he's a big boy now") and with not doing what he's wanted to do for years, but a woman's feelings must apparently be considered as sacrosanct and important enough to trump other considerations. Isn't the OP a "big girl now"? Missing grandchildren is copable too.

Feelings do matter. All of them.

My husband and I travelled for over three months when we retired in 2014. At the time we had two GC aged 4 and 2 and had been involved in their lives, seeing them a couple of times a week. We explained to them that we were going on a long holiday and would see and talk to them on Skype.

The wee ones loved the postcards as well as the Skype calls.

We had a marvellous time. Missed the family of course but the thrill of travelling and seeing places I'd only read about and some I'd never heard of more than made up for it.

Your daughter will manage without you, she's an adult and she has a husband.

Don't give up your dream.

Minalta we also had plans for retirement.
We were going to rent out our house and travel,
but our DGC came long and DD relies on us ( 2yr & 3yr old) her partner works away from home.
I have got too strong a bond to leave them at the moment.
On the other side of the coin DH has a mother in her nineties
He is an only child so nobody to step into his shoes.
She is still in her own home.
So what do the other posters (who say go on your adventures) advise
re my MIL?
Put her in a home ??
Hopefully Spain will still be there in a few years time when DGC are at school and my MIL has gone through the pearly gates.
As for DD not consulting you re GC (as another poster I think said)
I would say when you choose to have children there is a good chance you will have DGC.
My DH didn't ask to be born but has taken on (with my help) caring for the mother he loves.

Maybe you could travel but not for quite so long? Do it now while you can. You never know what is ahead of you. My husband can't go abroad and is often not well enough to travel in this country either. The children are small - can you use Skype or FaceTime?

Minalta can't help her feelings - and I think they are probably much more to do with her knowing how much she'll miss her DGC than with any misplaced guilt (I agree with others that guilt has no place here). I'd feel the same. As for DH feeling pushed out,and unimportant - he's a big boy now too, and needs to consider Minalta's feelings.

How would you feel about mumofmadboys's compromise, Minalta? You may even find that six weeks was long enough anyway.

Such a shame you feel this way after all the years of intending to travel. Cannot be easy for your DH either. Hopefully you can reach a compromise. It would be an ideal chance for your DD to realise that she/they can cope with their family.

I'm with you Minalta. GCs are infinitely more important to me than a holiday. I can't help my emotional attachment to them. However, I can see your husbands point of view. Is there no compromise possible? Does this trip have to be for so long? Would you be moving around all the time or renting a place there? Could your DD and family join you for a while?
Good luck!

Could you go on two shorter trips say six weeks each as a compromise?