Now retired, my husband wants us to travel - I will miss Grandchildren!

My older son lives in America so I see my GC there once a year, if I'm lucky. My other GC lives over 500 miles away so three months is the norm to me for seeing him. Think how much you'll have to tell your GC when they're older about your travels!

Minalta why do you feel guility about leaving you daughter to cope ? they are her children, did she and her husband consult you before they had the children regarding the life you were to give up ? You say they need date nights, what about your Husband ? is he just forgotten ?
Sorry to be tough but your Daughter is a big lady now not a child playing with dolls.
Why not agree with your husband and defer the trip until after the little ones first birthday ? This is a trip you say you have always dreamed of, yet now your long held dream is dropped.
Put yourself in your DH shoes for a moment, you say you are heart broken just how do you think he feels ? pushed out and unimportant i would say.
Sorry to be harsh but you need to live your life for you not your daughter.I had a friend who put her life on hold for her daughter and DGC, she done the childcare even whilst recovering from a transplant, her husband wanted them to move as he thought she was being a doormat, she said she could never leave them, i asked her what she would do if her daughter moved away and she said it would never happen as they were so close, a few moths later the daughter moved 120 miles away and my friend was left with a empty life and irate husband

I know exactly how you feel Minalta except that my DH feels it even more strongly than I do.A fortnight is the most we are happy to be away from the eldest grandchildren because we see them so frequently.However if your DH feels differently you will have to compromise and it will be nice to receive texts etc.from DH telling you what the children are up to while you are away.It will not be so bad when you are away filling your days with interesting experiences.But I do understand your feelings.

I think you are being unreasonable as well, minalta. Your husband has feelings too and he's only wanting to do something you've both always dreamed of doing. 3-4 months is not all that long. I'm also sure your husband loves his grandchildren as much as you do.

Should be texts from DD of course.

Meant to add, what about your feelings for him? What about honouring his feelings?

Go with your husband on this adventure. Your daughter will cope. You will be able to communicate daily on Skype or Facetime. And you will have wonderful stories to tell your grandchildren.
You only live once.

Don't miss this opportunity Minalta, it's only a few months and will be such a wonderful experience. There are so many ways to keep in touch with your family now you will miss very little.
You are lucky to be able to do this as many people are restricted by health or financial issues so enjoy the time with your husband.

I understand your feelings, Minalta, but agree with the other posters too.
Why not start discussing with your DH when the trip might be, where you will go etc to rekindle your interest in it.

Could you go on two shorter trips say six weeks each as a compromise?

I'm with you Minalta. GCs are infinitely more important to me than a holiday. I can't help my emotional attachment to them. However, I can see your husbands point of view. Is there no compromise possible? Does this trip have to be for so long? Would you be moving around all the time or renting a place there? Could your DD and family join you for a while?
Good luck!

Such a shame you feel this way after all the years of intending to travel. Cannot be easy for your DH either. Hopefully you can reach a compromise. It would be an ideal chance for your DD to realise that she/they can cope with their family.

Minalta can't help her feelings - and I think they are probably much more to do with her knowing how much she'll miss her DGC than with any misplaced guilt (I agree with others that guilt has no place here). I'd feel the same. As for DH feeling pushed out,and unimportant - he's a big boy now too, and needs to consider Minalta's feelings.

How would you feel about mumofmadboys's compromise, Minalta? You may even find that six weeks was long enough anyway.

Maybe you could travel but not for quite so long? Do it now while you can. You never know what is ahead of you. My husband can't go abroad and is often not well enough to travel in this country either. The children are small - can you use Skype or FaceTime?

Minalta we also had plans for retirement.
We were going to rent out our house and travel,
but our DGC came long and DD relies on us ( 2yr & 3yr old) her partner works away from home.
I have got too strong a bond to leave them at the moment.
On the other side of the coin DH has a mother in her nineties
He is an only child so nobody to step into his shoes.
She is still in her own home.
So what do the other posters (who say go on your adventures) advise
re my MIL?
Put her in a home ??
Hopefully Spain will still be there in a few years time when DGC are at school and my MIL has gone through the pearly gates.
As for DD not consulting you re GC (as another poster I think said)
I would say when you choose to have children there is a good chance you will have DGC.
My DH didn't ask to be born but has taken on (with my help) caring for the mother he loves.

My husband and I travelled for over three months when we retired in 2014. At the time we had two GC aged 4 and 2 and had been involved in their lives, seeing them a couple of times a week. We explained to them that we were going on a long holiday and would see and talk to them on Skype.

The wee ones loved the postcards as well as the Skype calls.

We had a marvellous time. Missed the family of course but the thrill of travelling and seeing places I'd only read about and some I'd never heard of more than made up for it.

Your daughter will manage without you, she's an adult and she has a husband.

Don't give up your dream.

I find it rather strange that a man simply has to cope with his feelings ("he's a big boy now") and with not doing what he's wanted to do for years, but a woman's feelings must apparently be considered as sacrosanct and important enough to trump other considerations. Isn't the OP a "big girl now"? Missing grandchildren is copable too.

Feelings do matter. All of them.

It's only 3-4 months. There is Skype and FaceTime etc. It's not like you're going to drop of the face of the earth. I understand your desire to be there for support and to see the firsts but what if you don't go?

How will your husband feel?

What if you don't go and something happens to him so you can't go?

How will you feel?

Either way one of you is going to have to compromise .

If it was me I'd go - I'm very close to my daughters and 4 grandchildren but life is for living every day especially in the later years. I travel with my husband for 6-8 weeks at a time. I come back with gifts and stories and pictures and think it makes me a more interesting, interested person. I want my grandchildren to think 'Wow Nana the explorer' .

I hope you choose to go - happy exploring !

But Baubles its not her dream. Its her DHs plan. My Grandparents used to go on long trips and we were never as close to them as we were to the stay at home grandparents. Their choice and they were a bit miffed about it but had to live with it.
Could the OP? I know I couldn't. Its not a competition between GPs its just I'm too attached to those wee boys almost instinctively. Its heart over head.

OP said "as we always dreamed of doing". That seems inclusive of her to me.

Compromise by both looks good to me.

I feel that my GN contribution is solely recording my offers to go off with other people's husbands (sight unseen) and here I go again.

A few months is nothing but will do so much for your marriage which surely is still precious to you?

I was going to do so many things when my kids grew up, then became ill and am not able to do many things at all now, which is something to consider for you both now.

The kids won't be bereft, it isn't forever and it is a fine example to set them having adventures.

Life is for living and is so very short.

If I'd had asich a dream and my partner didn't want to join me, I'd go on my own. Has that option been considered?

thatbags, my comment re DH being a big boy now too was in response to the remark that the OP's daughter is a big lady, not a child playing with dolls. Which is harsh, seeing as all we know about the daughter is that she seems to be encouraging her parents to go!

Of course the OP should consider her husband's stance, and he hers. You've obviously missed my suggestion that they compromise.