Now retired, my husband wants us to travel - I will miss Grandchildren!

I think that for a lot of people they are.

You can have both! We shall send Valentine cards. An odd idea that one is a substitute for the other!

FFS. We're grown ups. We have better things to do than try to pretend life is full of sunshine and lollipops and prop up the Hallmark card industry. Its the hard times and working together through lifes ups and downs that bring you together as real couples! There's no substitute for that.

Jane10 It will soon be St Valentine's Day - surprise him

If OP wants to give her DD a 'date night' - I can't see why she doesn't want the same for herself
Yes! Good suggestion.

I have just commented on another thread about 60+ women just putting up with a marriage for convenience. If OP wants to give her DD a 'date night' - I can't see why she doesn't want the same for herself. It is all too easy to just take a relationship for granted- you are never too old for a bit of romance!

Indeed leticia and in some ways the romantic coupledom bit becomes more important as you get older.
People can be very lonely within marriages sometimes. That comment is not aimed specifically at anyone on the thread, just a general
observation .

What interests me are the logistics of all this. What happens when your children and grandchildren live in different places? Which ones do you choose? Do you love the ones who are nearby more than the others?
We have one family in Spain, one in the UK and us in France. It seems like a reasonable compromise, we love them all very much, work hard at keeping in contact by Skype etc and have an especially lovely time when we see them.
There have been times when it would have been helpful to them to have us nearby but life is a messy compromise, isn't it?

I do a lot separately from my husband and we are very family orientated, but thankfully we still have romantic notions of coupledom!

I agree with Jamila. It is a good time to go, before they start school.
Have you not got friends who could give support? I have good friends who live about 300 miles away and their daughter lives near me- we are sort of extra grandparents and available in an emergency. A win/win situation for everyone involved.
What does OP think after all this discussion?

Don't be "sad" about grandparents who centre their lives on their GC - it is a valid lifestyle choice - not for everyone, but is it nothing to be sad about! That implies that they are rather pathetic. I do not think they are - we all have the right to choose. The problem for the OP is that she and her partner are not at one over this and she is faced with a difficult decision. There is no relative value attached to either option. As with many things in a marriage a compromise is likely to be needed.

Araabra me for one and I'd expect DH to do the same. We've been together for more than 40 years and realise that we as a couple are part of something bigger than just us: our family.
We're happily beyond romantic notions of coupledom. I've been away without him and vice versa but never for months on end.

I'm with you Araabra! I love my GC, as I'm sure we all do on here, but I certainly wouldn't centre my life on them. I'm just amazed, and a little sad, about how many seem to.

It depends on the situation - if it was a case of rescuing a DGC or rescuing DH I am sure that DH would want me to rescue the DGC.

However, when it comes to holidays I like to go with DH (and DGC too if their parents come as well!)

Who in their right mind puts GC ahead of DH?

Horses for courses

Loving the DGC and enjoying an extended trip are in two entirely different categories
Or is it just me?
Her husband will be very upset if she won't go
At that age the DGC will get on with their happy little lives and won't be 'heartbroken' at her absence and the DGD in particular will be very excited when she comes back
Minalta's DD urges her to go - and will surely be able to manage for a few weeks without her mother?
It is Minalta who says she will be 'heartbroken' and miss out on the 'firsts' with the new baby

I hope she doesn't concentrate her whole retirement on the DGC and find that her husband goes off without her and get a taste for it.

Mair Pleasant though it may be to skim stones on Black Moss or live with thieves in Manchester, as described in the poem, I'm not sure that either of those experiences would afford the same opportunities for learning about other people and their cultures, or seeing the great buildings of the world, or viewing great works of art, or seeing breath-taking scenery, that travel does.

Though I suppose living in Manchester might provide most of those. It's a city of great diversity, great art galleries, its own orchestra and concert hall, and industrial and political heritage.

Being brought up near Manchester and going to university there perhaps stimulated my interest in the rest of the world.

A view also expressed in the Waterboys song The Whole of the Moon.
I love that and it has particular memories for me.

JaneA:
An extended journey where you travel through a country, using public transport, talking to local people, learning about local history, trying local food, has many benefits and it is not just a holiday.

A romantic view of the 'benefits' of 'travel'raising the classic debate topic:
Does travel broaden the mind?

I am inclined to the Simon Armitage view that its quite unnecessary!
www.poemhunter.com/poem/it-ain-t-what-you-do-it-s-what-it-does-to-you/

Simplistic I know, like most of his poetry, but no less insightful for all that.

Jane10 The OP implied it wasn't 'just a holiday'.
It was a an experience, a journey, a holiday if you must, that both she and her husband had been dreaming of for years. That's the rub.
An extended journey where you travel through a country, using public transport, talking to local people, learning about local history, trying local food, has many benefits and it is not just a holiday.

but some posters have been very hard on us Grans who just love our GCs more than extended holidays

This was the bit I meant. I apologise if I have misunderstood what lies behind it, but it certainly made me feel I would be an inadequate GP if anything came before my DGC.
Of course I would lie down in front of a bus to save them, but that does not mean I would push DH in front of one.
?Mind you.......there are moments.....



.

"Its not a life and death choice between husbands and grandchildren"

Wouldn't a husband always win such a choice?

Its just about a holiday everyone! Its not a life and death choice between husbands and grandchildren.

"Mair when you're quoting from my posts, could you extend the courtesy of making that clear"

JaneA I normally do, but doing so is not a universal practice on GNet.

Unfortunately it doesnt have any easy quote facility.

Somehow, the functions are not working properly on my end. Sorry.

*MawBroon "Somewhere, near the beginnng of the thread , somebody (not sure who, but it was implied by "choosing" between DH and DGCs) appeared to equate time spent with the DGC with how much we love them . Nothing could be further from the truth. So could those who are physically able , geographically located so as to be able or commitment free able please not make the rest of us feel we are somehow lesser?
Being a grandparent is a relationship, not a competition." *

BRILLIANT