Now retired, my husband wants us to travel - I will miss Grandchildren!

*"Somewhere, near the beginnng of the thread , somebody (not sure who, but it was implied by "choosing" between DH and DGCs) appeared to equate time spent with the DGC with how much we love them . Nothing could be further from the truth. So could those who are physically able , geographically located so as to be able or commitment free able please not make the rest of us feel we are somehow lesser?
Being a grandparent is a relationship, not a competition."*

Brilliant, well done, internet ovation.

Mair when you're quoting from my posts, could you extend the courtesy of making that clear? As well as correctly attributing words to me?

Of course I am aware of that hackneyed quote about it taking a village to raise a child. I've never taken it literally.

I think janea has a very valid point though jane10.
I too am pulled in different directions between wanting to spend time with my DGC and help out when asked with childcare, emergency or not. I miss them and I live a minimum of 1 1/2 hours travel away from both families.
But I have a chronically sick husband who can no longer be left overnight and whose medical requirements cut into nearly every day of the week.
I have to make that choice.
Did it make me a "bad granny" if I could not do the after school pick up plus taking them to swimming yesterday when DD had a parents' evening on a day she does not usually work consequently not a nanny day?
No.
No more than it would make her a bad mother for working 3 days a week.
Somewhere, near the beginnng of the thread , somebody (not sure who, but it was implied by "choosing" between DH and DGCs) appeared to equate time spent with the DGC with how much we love them . Nothing could be further from the truth. So could those who are physically able , geographically located so as to be able or commitment free able please not make the rest of us feel we are somehow lesser?
Being a grandparent is a relationship, not a competition.

We aren't herd animals though, are we? We live in nuclear, or sometimes extended, families. The prime responsibility for children's care and upbringing is their parents', not their grandparents.

"It takes a village to raise a child"

Well I guess Im generalising and you do get some youngish pregnant grannies, but not, I suspect, among the dmographic on Gransnet.

We aren't herd animals though, are we? We live in nuclear, or sometimes extended, families.
The prime responsibility for children's care and upbringing is their parents', not their grandparents.

"Grandparents have finished breeding"

Sorry for you, what a sad thought. I hope you are just piping off untruths.

Its a matter of understanding how the OP feels. Some people just want to stay near them. Some aren't so bothered. That's life.

Exactly. There is a slightly self righteous tone to the 'Stepford Wives tendency' here who seem to think the OP has a moral duty to put her DHs needs first, above her own.

Yes I agree Jane. The young are the genetic future - the selfish gene and all that.

Grandparents have finished breeding, we are biologically disposable.

Its an animal thing. The youngest of the herd is always the focus.

"I think you forget the sheer visceral pull of grandchildren."

Surely the sheer visceral pull of a life mate is stronger?

I don't agree janeainsworth. This is only about a holiday or as some like to call it 'travelling'. Its not a matter of choosing between DH and GCs. Its a matter of understanding how the OP feels. Some people just want to stay near them. Some aren't so bothered. That's life.

Good post janeainsworth

I am not in the financial position to travel and nor would I be comfortable leaving the family "to get on with it" for 3-4 months .

I think maybe it is a question of weighing the pros and cons and reaching a happy compromise that suits both the OP, her DH, and the rest of the family too.

It's not a question of stark choice between DH and GC, Jane10. Life isn't so simple.

It's a question of apportioning your time in an optimal way, so that depending on individual circumstances, the needs and preferences of everyone involved can be considered. It's not a crime either to consider your own needs, either.

If your DH was seriously ill or disabled, would that 'visceral pull' of your DGCs overcome any feelings of love or duty you had to him? Would you put your DGCs before his needs?

Many on Gransnet are in that unfortunate position of having to set aside their own dreams and aspirations because of the way life has turned out for them. You're being a bit hard on them I think.

Good for you willsmadam

Travelling /holiday. GCs vs DH. We're all different and will never agree.

I was just suggesting a compromise; if it were me, I would go travelling.
Life can change in an instant, and travelling together may never be a viable option..

I think you forget the sheer visceral pull of grandchildren. We all may have had grand ideas of what we'd do when we retire but they're not set in stone. Fortunately, my DH feels the same as me.

I can see the heartache if he were asking you to emigrate ...... but it is only 3 months!
If you were to go now you would be back before we even get to summer!

I find it so sad that after all these years you have a partner that still loves you, wants to spend time with you, and wants to follow a long term dream of you both and some people treat him as if he doesn't matter, he is a nuisance and are just thinking of how you can:
a get out of it
b cut it right down
All because you can't stand being away from a daughter who will cope, a baby who won't notice (but be happy to see you on your return) and a 3 yr old who modern technology will ensure that you keep up with.

"I think it spoils the whole thing if she leaves him alone. Surely at this stage of life he is the priority? Who knows how many years you have left together- make the most of them."

BRILLIANT. Her darling husband wants her to holiday with him.

I think it spoils the whole thing if she leaves him alone. Surely at this stage of life he is the priority? Who knows how many years you have left together- make the most of them.
I would seriously worry about my relationship if my husband resented spending time with me and wanted to leave me to it while he went back to be the grandchildren! The grandchildren have years ahead of them to have adventures of their own.
If you really can't have a short period away then suggest cutting it down and have a month this year, a month next year and a month the following year- but that would put up the cost, needing more for air fares and would it make you any happier?

Maybe you could go for shorter time, and your husband could stay on?

Go for it ! your DD will cope fine , she is an adult with two children ! I dreamed of moving abroad when I retired but now am unwell so can`t , you just never know what is round the corner . I agree with Mumofmadboys about making it a little shorter 6-8 weeks as a compromise if you really can`t bear the 3-4 months . Your GC will still be there when you get back and your DD will have learned valuable coping skills !!

I've just skim read this thread - what a fuss over 3-4 months! They would fly by on an exciting holiday/adventure.