Now retired, my husband wants us to travel - I will miss Grandchildren!

Would any of us want to teach our DGD that as a female you must not have hopes, dreams or a life but must only exist to look after your adult children and their children ? or do we show them that as a mother, you nurture your child then let them fly to live their own lives while you live yours ?

The same with us Neversaydie, my DP were 200+ miles away and they didn't have a car so we only saw them about every 3 or so months. We saw MIL and GMIL more often - does your DD have a MIL who may be able to help with the DC Minalta?

My children saw my parents only about every 6 weeks to 3months when they were little (120 miles away)Dad died when they were 8and 4.They adorded him and my mum (died when they were 14 and 10).The feeling was mutual.My in laws lived down the road Nowhere near such a close bond ,despite seeing them at least weekly
So I don't think a holiday will damage your relationship

#stepfordwives

(as we always dreamed of doing when we retired)

Not a Stepford Wife at all though Mair - quite the opposite! They had planned and dreamed this together and now she is digging her heels in and doesn't want to go.
are Stepford Wives allowed to change their minds?
No, I thought not, they don't have one to change in the first place!

If I were the Op's husband though I might interpret it as her loving their grandchildren more than himJane10
I know so many widows who wished they had done more with their husbands while they had the chance

Minalta. We have similar conversations and I feel like you do about seeing, and helping out with, our grandchildren - plus I have a 96 year old mother who I visit each week.

Can you not compromise and go for, say, 4 or 5 weeks?

I got the impression that this was something the OP's husband wants to do Luckylegs9 and not necessarily what the OP wants to do. Dreaming about doing something way, way into the future is not the same as physically planning to do something.

Do things with your husband as you had both planned

#stepfordwives

Having read all the posts, I should think the OP is more confused than ever.It all shows our differences!
As somebody who chafes at the bit to come home after only a single week, either abroad or in the UK, three months fills me with horror.As Philip Larkin once said, 'he would quite like to see China, if he could get there and back again in a day'.
DH likes long holidays, although money comes into it, and three week holidays are expensive.We compromise and do only two week holidays or more often ten day holidays.I think that is what you need to do....compromise.Go somewhere for six weeks.

Do things with your husband as you had both planned. What about if you were ill, or you had your daughter in another country, she would cope. How would you feel if he went on his own? By not going,after a life time of work, surely that is not fair to him.

I hope that Minalta comes back and tells us what she has decided to do. Although not in exactly the same position as her, I would say 'Go and enjoy yourselves!' No-one knows what's around the corner. we have just booked a 5-week tour to Australia & New Zealand because the time is right for us. We will see the GC when we return, aswell as possibly Skyping when away. Don't want to leave it till we're older and maybe less agile.

"You will have so many stories to tell, pictures and video to show when you come back"

Most people simply come back with stories pictures and videos to bore people with! I am not suggesting that was you, but its generally true. Very few are talented raconteurs.

Once again a post telling the OP she should go rather than acknowledging her wishes. Unlike you Gmam, whose hesitancy seemed to be based only on fear of your daughters ability to cope, the OP seems to be reluctant primarily because she prefers to spend her time with her GCs, and concern about helping her daughter is a very secondary one.

Hi there,
I had a similar dilemma a few years ago with my daughter...i was planning to go travelling with my husband but we then found out our youngest daughter who was living at home was pregnant. We agreed to postpone our travels for a few years until our grandson was 3 or 4 but my husband decided to bring it forward so that we would leave Jan 2016 for a 15 week travel adventure.

Initially i was very apprehensive about leaving my daughter alone at home with baby (18 months) as she was so used to having everything done for her - my fault! I worried that she wouldn't cope and that if something awful happened i wouldn't be around or even close by to help ...I had never left any of my children for longer than 2 weeks so going away for 15 weeks was a monumental decision and at the time i was not sure if i was ready or even if my daughter was ready (18 years old).

I can assure you i need not have worried and i am so glad that my husband brought our travels forward! Yes i really missed my children and of course my grandson but i spoke to them regularly via Messenger etc Most importantly it gave my daughter the opportunity to grow up properly and establish herself as a mother and a housewife and organise herself in her way. She has since moved out in to her own flat and although i was devastated to see them both leave i believe the 15 weeks away from them really helped to prepare me for that.

My children and my grandson rock my world and there is not anything i would not do for them but you can not live your entire life for your children or your grandchildren. It is important to pursue your own dreams both individually and as a couple and continue to explore your own fantasies and desires, particularly when you find yourself at a time in your life when you have the opportunity to do such things. You will find yourself enriched as a result and travelling opens up avenues of thought in your mind that would not have been possible had you not travelled. You will learn so much about yourself and even maybe more or things you did not know or realise about your husband and you will find this enlightening.

Go travel and enjoy the world and its people and all that it has to offer. You will have so many stories to tell, pictures and video to show when you come back and no doubt lots of gifts for your precious family xx

Jane10

Agree with everything youve said.
Suggest only (in the name of tact) you might have inserted the words being with :

...Grans who just love ^ our GCs more than extended holidays.

The grans who love such extended trips, and unhesitatingly pack their bags and go, while they may love their GCs every bit as much, clearly do not love spending time with them as much as grans who would choose that in preference to a long holiday. This is not a criticism, but simply a realistic acknowledgement of human differences.

As some mums love to be at home caring for their children full time, while others would be horrified not to remain in their full time career, so with grans, some would love to see their grandchildren daily, and some do, while for others a couple of times a year with updates and skype, is enough to satisfy their need for contact.

We are not all the same, and some of those with itchy feet seem to fail to understand that.

Minalta I understand how you feel I'm going through the same as you right now. Is there anyway your son in laws parents can help while you are away? I think like others have suggested maybe a shorter trip will help?

I still want to know - Why Mexico?

I'm certainly not living my life through my grandchildren. I just don't want to miss these early crucial stages.
I've travelled a great deal (by travelled I mean actually working in various countries as opposed to travelling through them). I don't think that makes me any more interesting to my GCs. I'm not kidding myself!!

Lovely to hear I am not the only one Jane, Its all about how you put it across to them and fire their imagination. My 6year old gc worked out you could have santa visit you twice if you travelled

I agree with you Barmy.
Even at 5,6 and 7 my DGC are interested in pictures & videos of our boat and all the places we've been to on our journey. Two of the American GCs have visited us on it. I'm hoping that one day they will read my blog and it will give them an additional perspective on their world.

I disagree that gc are not interested in your travels. I am not talking about staying in a 4 or 5 star hotel for a couple of weeks and driving a car around. I am talking about travelling around by local means, staying in small family run places and getting involved in the country. My 10 year old had a map of the countries I was travelling in and would mark our route, goggle information etc. This is an education of the wider sort you are giving them, mine still in their late teens, early twenties ask me where we are going and what we are doing. One is even planning to join us this year to celebrate my 70th local style with a street party.

I don't have grandchildren yet, but do think that you don't have to be involved in every aspect of your GC lives for them to know you and love you. We moved 400 miles away from grandparents when I was 7, and I loved my grandparents every bit as much, seeing them 2-3 times a year for a wonderfully intense, spoiled rotten stay with them. At the risk of having my head bitten off, I do worry that many grandparents are living their lives only through their grandchildren,involved in their day to day lives. Take your trip, and many more of them, while you and your DH are fit and able. Your grandchildren will not thank you for sacrificing your travel plans. They will be there when you get back.

As other gransnetters have suggested, could compromise be the answer? What about going for six weeks or, at a push, two months? That's long enough to really get away from it all and explore a new place, while not perhaps feeling quite such a dauntingly long absence from grandchildren. I share your feelings, Minalta; at seven months and three years, children do change very quickly .. and you will miss these changes. But of course, your husband's long-held dream must be respected too. A two-month trip could be the best of both worlds.

baubles Quite

Some of us have to leave behind DGC when we go for extended periods overseas to see the other DGC anyway.

We had dreams of moving away to the coast (no, haven't done that) and taking even more extended holidays travelling (haven't done that either - you never know if ill health might suddenly come along and hit you for six).

I would persuade your husband to go for six weeks - you never know, he may not like Mexico at all or may get bored and never want to go back again.

baubles I agree. Children don't have to see older relatives on a daily or even monthly basis to have a good relationship with them.
I had an older aunt whom we saw once a year. I loved her dearly as a child and she was a source of inspiration to me when I was older. I looked forward to our holidays with her for months.
Travel does broaden the mind and I think it's good for DGCs to see that their GPS are interested in things besides the immediate family circle.

baubles not hard from me I hope. However, have been in the position of nursing many terminally ill people and their lists of regrets sometimes reduced me to tears out of their sight. That is why I travel the world, so perhaps a little biased - but with good reason. I have wonderful memories and tales to share with many children who never seem to miss me until I return. ?