Now retired, my husband wants us to travel - I will miss Grandchildren!

As my grandfather always said - enjoy life while you can - you are a long time dead !! Go for it but maybe better to build up your times away in stages - 3-4 months might be too long for you and you might get withdrawal symptoms !! No good your husband having a companion who is miserable all the time you are away.
You have to distance yourself a bit from your commitments - when the grandchildren are older you will be too - you may not want to go then because travelling may be too irksome.
I am married to a workaholic and he doesn't like going away for more than 7 days because of his business. So in my 70th Year I am finally issuing an ultimatum - I am going exploring even if he isn't. I have grandchildren and I am there if they need me in an emergency but don't want to be a regular child minder responsible for young children at my age.

some posters have been very hard on us Grans who just love our GCs more than extended holidays.

I wouldn't presume to know who loves their grandchildren more and it certainly isn't the case that I love my GCs any less because I chose to travel.

Grinning grandma why are you worried about leaving your daughter ?

DH and I were planning to do a 3 month road trip to Spain next winter, to look into sourcing a family home when my DD and SIL retire. We all plan to be living there in 10 years. My GSs are 12 and 11 so will be independent by then.

I was worrying about leaving them all until I read this thread. It'll be easy to Skype or FaceTime them and we are researching for the common good! DD says she'd miss us terribly but thinks we should go. I think I've now made up my mind that we will. Thank you all for your helpful comments, I don't feel such a selfish nana now.

I was living abroad when my first grandchild came along, I would joke with friends that it wouldn't change my life, and I was adiment on this view. One friend would go on and on about the love I would feel for my grandchildren and of course I would laugh and say: oh no, not me.
I had to eat my words, I fell in love with him. I love them both to bits but he really is my heart. I stuck it out ( living abroad) for another 3 years but I missed him so much.

For me there is nothing more boring than looking at piles of other people holiday photos. I don't mind one or two, but when the packets come out....... yawn.

Mind you I hate my photo taken and a few years ago DH and I were asked if we wold mind taking a couples photo in front of a picturesque fountain. We obliged and were asked if we would like them to take ours. They seemed surprised when I said no thank you.

You're so right, Jane10! Children of that age aren't going to be at all impressed by where the grandparents are/have been. We always send our DGC postcards from our travels because they love to get post addressed just to them. They're not a bit interested in those carefully chosen words written on the back.

From reading this thread I guess that what feels right for one person may not feel right for another and that's fine. We are all different and have different thoughts, values and needs.

I also suppose it depends on how much involved you are in your grandchildren's lives to start with doesn't it? If a gran looks after the children 2-3 days a week as I do then me taking off for 3-4 months could cause a major problem for my son and DiL's jobs. The children will (and I am not blowing my own trumpet here) no doubt miss me (and the activities we do together) a great deal, as I would miss them. On the other hand if the grandchildren are not used to seeing grandma/grandad on a regular (daily, weekly) basis then it would make no difference whatsoever.

I supppose it depends how you feel about travelling. Personally I love it and would jump at the chance of a long trip to Mexico, - or anywhere else for that matter. So its a matter of personal feelings. But I also think that you might actually love it, and the grandchildren will still be there when you get back. I sort of feel that in this matter your first loyalty should be to your husband, especially as it is only a temporary absence from the beloved grandchildren. I travelled a lot when mine were young and it has never damaged our relationship.

Its amazing how uninterested the GCs will be in your tales of holidays. When you were a child were you interested in other peoples holidays (which is what these are)? Even now, few people actually are. We've all had heartsink moments when albums of holiday snaps are produced.
I know this isn't what many of you want to read but some posters have been very hard on us Grans who just love our GCs more than extended holidays.

As a person who has no chance of ever seeing the rest of the world, I would take the holiday as the experience will be a great story to tell your grandchildren. You only have one lif and your grandchildren will be there when you get back to tell the tale.

I will also say that I have a disabled daughter, physical and mental, who lives on her own with care and manage her complicated care every year with modern technology whilst I am away for 3 months in Cambodia. If needed I would simply change my flight, as I did this year and come home when my she went into hospital. My 5 gc have grown up with us being away for 3 months over the winter. They have though us learned a great deal, time zones for one, father christmas comes to us first! They have a wide knowledge of other countries, cultures and religions. Two of them saved up money for their airfares when young teens and we took them travelling for the summer holidays. Maybe I have missed something of their milestones in the 3 months I have been away but both myself and oh have felt a pride and warmth in what we have given them its time to live that dream you say you have been dreaming off.

I love to travel but you did not say if you enjoy travel. I think it matters if you enjoy traveling. Your DH is counting on travel as a part of his retirement. Yo agreed at some point to travel during retirement. My solution would be 4 one month trips spread out through the year. I want to do my 'lasts' and watch 'firsts' with compromises and FT.

Minalta.
Consider the possible options:
1. Do as your husband wants.
2. Refuse to go, explaining how you feel about the GCs.
3. Explain how you feel about the GCs and insist on a shorter break.
4. Ditto but try to negotiate a shorter break, being prepared for him to argue - long way to go for short time, not enough time to do all he wants etc.
5. Postpone the trip till GCs are a little older (not sure that will help, they'll be even more fun and delightful then!)
6. Try to 'sell' him an alternative holiday, really appealing, but much shorter, maybe a well organised guided tour either of Mexico or somewhere else you know he'd like. Point out advantages of shorter but more luxurious trip for same or lower cost!

Leticia
I was quoting you Mair - you used 'sacrifice' - OP didn't.

I realise that, but OP made it clear she doesn't want to go, and many posters have been telling her she should, in some cases because they find it impossible to empathize with her feelings believing everyone loves travel as much as they presumably do, but in a few cases saying she should go along with her husbands wishes! One has even described her as 'selfish'. Going just to please her husband is, by any standard, a 'sacrifice'.

I had every intention of travelling after I retired, and maybe taking on work teaching English as a second language. However, my oldest GD, then only 9, still lived close by and we have always been close, so I stayed put, though I continued to go off on Ramblers' Holidays - and visit my sister in NZ several times. After a few years, I needed a hip replacement which made me less independent, but my DS and his family welcomed me on caravan holidays in France. Now my senior GD has a degree, a job and a partner. And she is now the one who goes on exciting holidays! My other GC don't live close by, so their parents have never been dependent on me for support or child minding. They are, after all, mature and responsible adults. The GC are growing into adolescence and have their own activities. I don't regret abandoning my plans to travel but am grateful for the limited amount of travelling I did manage to fit in. If I were the OP, I'd take the opportunity with both hands (though 3 months does seem a bit excessive) because the opportunity might not come again and the GC will still be there when they come home.

Minalta maybe go on the trip with your husband, it may not be the right time for you both to have such a wonderful experience again.

I would consider, reading your post about the help you provide your daughter, your only child, with her two small children - putting aside some money for some childcare help once a week or in need, whilst you are away.

Just an idea. Enjoy Mexico

My husband I have recently retired and should have been Going to NewZealand last year but had to cancel as my father was ill. My father has since died. I have 2 Grandchildren Eldest is 2 years 5 months & baby is 3 months. We have rebooked to go away this year for 6 weeks. I am really worried about leaving my daughter & Grandchildren for this time, and will miss them terribly. I also realise that after bringing up our own 2 girls, working hard all our life. Looking after my mother who had several strokes, Dad who suffered from COPD , my Mother in Law in later years, that my husband and I need to do this for us as a couple. When my Dad retired they planned to do things, travel etc,that they hadn't been able to as they had looked after my Mum's parents until they died. But as Mum had her strokes shortly after he retired and they did not manage to any of their dreams. If anything I would comprise and go for a shorter length of time, but still go. As others have said you only live once. I normally keep a diary of special holidays, this time I am planning on doing a scrapbook of where we have been and what we have done for especially the older GC on our return. I will be relying on FaceTime /Skype to keep n touch

I was quoting you Mair - you used 'sacrifice' - OP didn't.

Lti said:
I agree with Barmy . I would hardly call 3 months of travel 'a sacrifice' !!

Maybe it's not for you, but Minalta has made it clear that for her it is! We are not all the same.

But OP has said that they had always dreamed of doing long travel when retired.

I am like Wellingtonpie 2 weeks is the longest I want to be away from home, family and friends. The thought of not seeing my 2 grandsons for 4 months would make me very sad.

I do realise I am in the minority with my views. I love watching the programmes about exotic places but have no longing to visit them. The U.K. suits me fine.

It takes all sorts.

I agree with Barmy . I would hardly call 3 months of travel 'a sacrifice' !!
If not at least compromise over timing people are saying OP post shouldn't go just to please him but the same applies and I don't think he should give in just to please her!
When you retire it is time to put your partner first after long years of putting children first and your daughter will manage fine and it will be exciting for the 3 yr old.

I am with Jane10 on this and can fully understand how Minalta cares more about spending time with her GCs than a long trip abroad.

I certainly think there is room for compromise here, six or eight weeks perhaps, but I am a little shocked at those posters who seem to think she should make the sacrifice of going on this trip just to please her husband, so that his dream is fullfilled! Smacks of Stepford Wives!

I do take on board though the points that Minalta might find she has a great time and it will be something she'll look back on with joy, but I think that's more likely if they can come to a compromise she is not unhappy about, than if she just caves completely to please him.

The poor SIL?