Estrangement / Cut off Mum

JANESWORTH I never said giving inheritance was a sacrifice, I gave it to my AC as I loved them. I did say we as mothers do make sacrifices for our C, but in a different sentence!

Norah. No, I am not. But there but for the grace of God.......

BohdiTree, are you still here? How are you doing?

If you're going to continue to refer to me specifically, please get my name right, it's Smileless, not smiley. I know you weren't the first to refer to 'woe is me GP's' but that fact that you keep reiterating it says as much about you as the poster who initially made the nasty comment.

Smiley Hey, I didn't first reference the "woe be to me GPs" but if you insist on being painted that way, go for it.

I pity you Araabra, I have pity for anyone who can refer to the pain of parents and GP's who are estranged as 'woe is me GP's'. I have pity for anyone who lacks basic humanity, who lacks the ability to have empathy and enjoys rubbing salt into the wounds of others, less fortunate than themselves.

We have lost a son and 2 GC; probably the only GC we'll ever have and I thank God that we haven't lost our capacity to care, to support and to love. I am thankful that I have retained my integrity as a human being, that I would never say some of the things that have been said on this and other estrangement threads.

Fairy I've not read your story. Are you a EGP?

Araabra

I did wonder whether it was worth drawing your attention to the irony of the statement you made. I now realise it was a complete waste of time, as you exhibit the singular inability to first READ the post properly and then RESPOND in an appropriate way.

These threads are filling up with your off the wall, ill-advised one liners.

Vulnerable? The children? Or the woe is me GPS?

Hey, I didn't first reference "woe is me GPs", but if the shoe fits wear it GM.

Ankers. Spot on with your last post.

And what sort of people attack the vulnerable? You got it.....COWARDS.

I think the inability to listen and hear anything outside their own opinions is the problem....
And yes, I do realise the reference was to families of the estranged.

However....

Araabra. Do you not appreciate the absolute irony of that statement?

It describes YOU exactly

I wonder what it is about estrangement, about those of us who've lost AC and in some cases our GC, that brings out the worst in others

They see vulnerability, and sadly think it is fun to attack.

Sparkly grandma thanwas a shame unwere too upset to Enjoy that cottage break fortunate your friend could.

Understandable that u couldn't given the start of the estrangement

I have healed quite well is 8 years but I still have days I cry and cry i.e. My daughter birthday couple weeks ago and I wake at night and just panic as i can't believe it's happened and I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone,

It's hard as smileless and several have said to see what the posters get out of their twisted nasty comments a form of bullying I guess

I wonder what it is about estrangement, about those of us who've lost AC and in some cases our GC, that brings out the worst in others. If I still had the relationship with both of our boys that I now only have with one, if I was being allowed to be a GM and Mr. S. was allowed to be a GF, I may not understand how parents who've done nothing wrong could find themselves cut out of their AC's lives. I might initially find it hard to believe that it could ever happen. But, I'm sure that if I'd read any of the heartbreaking posts on GN on this subject, I wouldn't entertain myself by deliberately mis interrepting posts and/or twisting what's been posted to try and make the poster look as awful as possible.

Well said smilelss I wonder what it is about your Arabra and your side kicks that you get off on what smilelss has said ? Apologies smilelss for copying your post no point both of us,beating our heads against proverbial.

Stansgran I have no idea now how much we gave and what we spent because a gift is a gift. I am shocked when I read that we spent this that and the other written by posters. I am really shocked by the inability for some posters to listen. I don't know if it's this thread or another where people expressing a valid opinion,valid because they are members of Gransnet and are accused of being trolls or vile or nasty.

Thanks. I think the inability to listen and hear anything outside their own opinions is the problem in their families, too.

I don't think it"should be a burden for our offspring to appreciate what's done for them". We supported our children through uni and through second degrees if necessary and helped with house deposits and clothes for their children. I don't expect anything back . We were left money from relatives with the proviso in a will which said I'm sure you will make good use. I have no idea now how much we gave and what we spent because a gift is a gift. I am shocked when I read that we spent this that and the other written by posters. I am really shocked by the inability for some posters to listen. I don't know if it's this thread or another where people expressing a valid opinion,valid because they are members of Gransnet and are accused of being trolls or vile or nasty.

celebgran "It should be a burden for our offspring to appreciate what's done for them."

You want to burden your child?

Jainsworth most parent ps do make sacrifices for their kids, as yogagirl says it done out of love.

Our insurance agent said to me he wouldn't do what we had i.e. Support our daughter for 5 years at uni she was on her own hensaid we will not get that time back that we scrimped and scraped and went without. Unless u are very wealthy I can't see how else U can support children at uni without sacrifices being made.

It should be a burden for our offspring to appreciate what's done for them.

Of course you didn't expect anything back for being a loving, caring and supportive mum SparklyGrandma as anyone with any common sense would realise.

None of us expect our children's eternal gratitude because we chose to have them in the first place, and did all that we could to be the best parents we could be. That said, we didn't expect them to completely walk out of our lives and in some cases, take their children our GC with them, and if that's not bad enough, tell outrageous lies in an attempt to portray us as awful people, in order to justify what the truth will never justify.

I wonder what it is about estrangement, about those of us who've lost AC and in some cases our GC, that brings out the worst in others. If I still had the relationship with both of our boys that I now only have with one, if I was being allowed to be a GM and Mr. S. was allowed to be a GF, I may not understand how parents who've done nothing wrong could find themselves cut out of their AC's lives. I might initially find it hard to believe that it could ever happen. But, I'm sure that if I'd read any of the heartbreaking posts on GN on this subject, I wouldn't entertain myself by deliberately mis interrepting posts and/or twisting what's been posted to try and make the poster look as awful as possible.

I'm pretty certain that if I did feel the need to enter into the discussion I would do so with respect and empathy. I would be thankful that I was not in this terrible position and be thankful for every moment that I got to spend with my AC and GC in the knowledge that others are not so fortunate.

janeainsworth "I don't think sharing an inheritance is a sacrifice. It's generous, and is teaching children to be generous in turn, but it's not a sacrifice."

I agree. Gifts aren't meant to be repaid, are they?

eddiecat78 Norah no it came out badly, I didnt do mothering and supporting my son expecting things back. Its just having brought him up with kindness I hoped and still hope that kindness would be returned.
When looking back with sadness, this is one thing that hurts - no kindness from DS and DiL.

Of course we as mothers don't expect things back, they are our children.

Yogagirl thank you for asking about the holiday I had booked for DS DiL and DGD (and myself too). I did o on the holiday and as it was a self catering cottage in Dorset I took a friend who loved t. I was so upset though I came home 2 days early but left my friend (she didnt mind, if she had I would have stayed) to have the last 2 days alone.

I hope we all have a nice weekend

Yorkshiregel "On the whole I think we had an easy ride."

I think things get harder for the young every year. Society must be nearing a breaking point.

Last post intended as a reply to MONica....and others of course.

Not really, we had troubles as well as anyone else. We nearly lost our house when the interest rates went up and up, but we didn't, we managed to cling on. My OH had to go to Cyprus twice when they were having trouble with the Turk and Greek Cypriots fighting. I was left for months on my own when OH went abroad on various postings with the RAF. I remember when we were first married I had to sell my much loved bike so we could eat for example. So not all roses, but I still think we had a better deal than youngsters today.

I guess it depends a lot where you live. I really felt for the miners having their livelihood taken away and no replacement given. The same with other industries such as the steel industry. How they expect people to live when they have no income I do not know.

I feel the same for anyone who loses their job through no fault of their own, which is happening a lot today. People are made to jump through hoops to get a pittance to feed their families.

Youngsters are faced with paying their tuition fees while our children were educated free; they are having to pay huge sums for insurance if they drive; they cannot afford the deposit for a house. Just some examples.

Why cannot the Government provide more council housing to help out? Why do they build 'affordable houses'? Not to help the young, they can tax affordable housing. Why do they give more money to child care? Not to help the youngsters but because they can tax the mother when she goes out to work.

Now we see them selling off student loans to private companies. What will happen when these private companies start putting the interest up? Insurance companies are ripping people off right left and centre why cannot the Government step in and put a stop to it?

On the whole I think we had an easy ride.

I don't think sharing an inheritance is a sacrifice. It's generous, and is teaching children to be generous in turn, but it's not a sacrifice.
I've shared money I have inherited with my DC's, but not so that they would love and respect me!
It would only have been a 'sacrifice' if I had desperately needed that money myself, in which case I would have kept it!
I don't think children either want or expect their parents to make sacrifices for them - they are then burdened with the guilt of having a parent who has given up too much for them.
This is not getting at anyone - just expressing a different point of view.