Too many photos??

Focus on the positive!

This man is very much on the periphery of your daughter and son's life. Surely that's a good thing?!

icbn2802
I feel for you as I too have a similar problem in my family.
I believe that those who can reject their own children have serious issues that go deep down and as much as it distresses you to witness this rejection all you can do is love your grandson, no doubt as he grows older he will 'have questions ', and let him know you will always be there for him no matter what.

Maybe those photos are making him feel guilty....and rightly so. Take a photo of the message and don't send him anything. In time your GS will make his own mind up about his father and luckily he will have his mum and you to support him. Well done for supporting them and not getting involved and just remember any time you give to this is robbing you of moments of happiness......that's what I keep telling myself anyway x

In the end, the children suffer most. From the other point of view, my dd's ex has just moved over 250 miles away to be with new girlfriend. He insists on seeing my dear 3 year old gs every fortnight, which means he is cooped up in a car seat for 6 hours each way. How is that good for the little chap? There are no easy answers. We are so sad.

Both you and your Daughter should just ignore him. He's not worth your attention... My family is in a similar situation, and fortunately our Grandson has several,excellent male role models to stand in for his worthless, absent Father.

I guess we will never understand how people think. Upsetting as it is, it may be best to start looking forward. We can't change the past, but we can change the future for the better.

I wouldn't be sending photos to him he walked away let him take his own photos when the child is with him and make his own memories maybe he sees sending photos to him as having an ulterior motive and wanting him in her life again I agree he should have his son in his life but this doesn't necessarily have to include having a friendship with his mother and sending photos is something you do with friends he is making it obvious he doesn't want her as a friend it's sad but true she needs to move on with her own life

There is no excuse or understanding for a parent behaving in the way of your grandchild's father icbn but I wonder if his new partner is giving him strife over photos arriving. Extreme jealousy of a partner's previous life is not uncommon. Whatever the reason it is very sad.

Carole - why can't the father do the travelling?

That is so hard on your DD and DGS, I can imagine just how hurtful it is, and will be for your DGS in all his life to come. Can I give one suggestion that means your DD can make (and show she has made) the photos available without any of them pinging in unannounced though? She could set up a shared album on iCloud or Dropbox or whatever, invite him as a member and add photos when she wants. The so-called father can access them (or not) at his convenience, but at least she gets to share (and incidentally is keeping a back up of the special moments too.
It's fathers like this that must make Fathers4Justice despair.

Carolbarrel at least he wants to see his child and must be making a great effort to do so. My grandson flys alone to another country to see his father but at least the relationship is maintained. Where as OP gs has a very selfish, self centred father who doesn't care about his son by the sounds of it. I feel sorry for anyone who is in a relationship with him as he will always put himself first.

OP what we may do or find valuable is not necessarily others priority, remember we are all different and we must never take it for granted that people will behave like we expect.

Nothing to be done - his choice - at least he sees him once a week but what sort of quality time does he have with him ? My eldest sons Father abandoned us both before we were due to be married and never wanted to see or have contact with his son. Who knows why ? I did get some maintenance for him eventually through the court but he never wanted to keep in contact with his son, even though I offered to send pictures or meet up with him. So we got on with our lives and I was a single working Mum for 6 years until I met my husband. We have three sons together and are all one big family. Just tell your daughter to get on with her life and loving her son - forget the bad apple and move on.

To be honest I don't get the impression that this is anything to do with the new gf. My daughter has communicated with her & she was once quoted to say that she herself didnt always understand her partners motives.
I'm just happy for the opportunity to spend so much 'quality' time with my gs. I guess I just need to focus on this & spend less time worrying about someone who doesn't see his own child as top priority. Sad person, but that's just my opinion....

Find this attitude very strange. My son who is divorced from his wife, with two children suffers so much because he doesn't see them enough. He finds it so tough and has fought to have them for a Friday night on the weekends he has them, so that at least he has them with him for two nights on the trot.
Hopefully you and your daughter are able to let your grandson know how much his daddy loves him in this difficult situation.

In the long run it will be the father that will miss out on all the little things (and bigger) that happens as kids grow up and become independent individuals. His first school report, first part in a play, first sports achievement etc. He'll get to the age when he'll start to resent his Dad and not want that contact saying that as he never bothered with him when he was young, it's reciprocal now he's older.

Just keep all chat neutral and try (however hard it seems) not to bad mouth his Dad when he's around. As others have suggested, keep a record of attempted contact and missed meetings.

You sound like a lovely gran and he's got a loving mum too. Better to have those than someone who doesn't care and is disruptive and resentful.

My heart is breaking as my son and I go through the most disgusting, racist and anti father court process. I ask for a photo, phone call, skype and everything is ignored. My 92 year old mother and my son have not seen him for 10 months. She was violent to my son and has been sectioned. We used to have him every weekend..poor little boy, he must feel we deserted him.
Why are children used as pawns in jealous and hideous fights?

Elrel, the father does the travelling, and Ajanela he is making the effort, albeit unwillingly and with much hassle along the way! It's the length of the journey for dgs that worries us.
Icbn2802, there is good advice here. I must admit I would just stop sending photos. It's not worth the upset that it's causing.
All we can do is offer love and support.

I think he is a shit but that is is prerogative, just as it is yours not to be hurt by his every action. Accept what is and move on.

It may not be his loss if he isn't bothered, ot everyone is and your grandson has a mother and Gran who adore him, what more does a kid need? It really is no skin off your nose and the boy will lean what love is from you and his mum............and how not to be a dad from his father.

Sounds like dgs father graduated from the same charm school as my dd father and my dgd father too!
Ultimately children will remember the people who supported them through everything, not the people who dipped in and out when it suited them. Yes it's hurtful but he really is cutting his nose off to spite his face.
There are alot of separated parents who Co parent as grown ups, he doesn't sound like one ?

When my H walked out on me & my 5 year old DD I swore to never say a bad word about him when she was around. My DM was the same. DD soon made her mind up about her F, she did see him occasionally but when I met DH we moved 250 miles away from my family & DD's F.

My DH was her beloved "Pops", she was more devastated when he died than when her biological F died a few years earlier. My DGS also has fond memories of Gramps

Vampirequeen I agree with your comments, wise advice

Carole - I get it, the father fetches him, I thought at first that the mother had to take him. Still a ridiculously long journey for a little boy. The father should travel to where this son is, see him, stay in a Travelodge if necessary and go home imho.

icbn. But the father DOES have a relationship - with his little son. Some estranged father's treasure photographs of their children and would appreciate being sent them. Sad for your DD who wanted to share a happy time (for the child) with his father by sending a photograph.

People are being very judgmental about the father here. The child is in school 5 days a week (presumably) and the father sees him on one of the other days.
There is a mention of his ex ranting about him so there were obviously problems in the marriage and he left.
All he has done is asked his ex wife not to contact him, a request that she didn't comply with. There seems to be little effort to see this from his point of view and there is very little information on which to make such harsh judgments.
We don't know how often he brought the child back early and that does not make him father of the year but it doesn't make him a bad father either, just a bit thoughtless.

Carole - he could even make weekend if it, park the gf in a spa or shopping centre while he sees his son.

Must be so hurtful for your daughter, but would be best, for the child's sake, if she bites her tongue, continues to encourage contact between child and dad and abides by his wishes of not sending photos

It was a simple photo she sent of their son dressed up on this occasion. Another time it was a photo of their son with a comment of "think he looks like you in this one" thinking he might like to see a photo of his own son looking the image of himself.
Didn't really deserve the snubbing she got in response. OK I'm going to be biased but she has been frequently let down by this fellow & it's hurtful to be looking in on this.