My life, my way

Sorry, push the boat out. I learnt to touch type, but honestly these I pads alter everything I type, it is like having a naughty fairy on my shoulder.

Chilledlady, what a wonderful surprise, I fully understood your post that you accepted things as they are and was going to enjoy your life. Many of us don't do that, wishing for what they don't have.
It was lovely of your children to plan this Christmas and you can all be together. It is not too early to shop, I would be so excited as I am sure you are and would push the host out. There's all those stockings to fill for a start.
Jayana, that poster that taunted you must have a lot of problems to have turned into such a bully. I hope you didn't let it get to you because I can assure you she is the one that needs to look at herself not you.

You've got a great attitude, Chilledlady. Good for you! And the Christmas cottage sounds wonderful . As roses says, it's never too early to start thinking about Christmas - not if you love it as much as I do, anyway. Isn't it about time for the first advert to hit our screens?

How wonderful, Chilledlady! And thanks for letting us know!

Too early to start shopping? LOL! No, not at all! Dh and I always start Xmas shopping around this time - sometimes even earlier.

My advice? Shop to your heart's content! Sending you & yours beautiful Xmas wishes in advance!

That's good never too early to start thinking about Christmas ( ahem! )
Meanwhile....enjoy Summer.

Chilledlady Brilliant. I think cutting AC loose and having a go to the freedom that brings you will be divine.

That's wonderful Chilledlady and no, it isn't too early to start shopping just don't buy things, put them away and then forget you've bought them and buy something else.

Thats great news, and something lovely to look forward to.

Further to my original post, to 'have no regrets, no tears', I would like to tell everyone here that I am delighted to say that both my son and daughter have decided to spend Christmas here in the UK this year. They and their partners, and the grandchildren will be flying in a week before. A cottage is booked to accommodate all of us, and preparations for activities are underway. All arranged by them colluding on FaceTime to create a wonderful surprise for me and OH. So pleased to realise that we have brought up thoughtful caring children. Ermmm.... is it too early to start shopping...?? ??

I'm loving all the positive messages here. We all have to deal with what life handed to us. I feel that just now I am ready to move myself higher up my own priority list. So, after I visit my son and his family on their short stay in this country, and after I pay a transatlantic visit to my daughter for the arrival of her firstborn, I will find time to do stuff for myself. Balance is the key. Thanks to everyone who responded so positively.

Cut loose by all means, and do your own thing in your own time, but keep in touch, as you get older friends and family are the path you have trodden. We moved away from our friends and family, have a different group of friends here, but our 'old' friends and family are our history,and a wander down memory lane is a wonderful experience at times.

I join you, chilledlady in celebrating all we have and accepting that children and grandchildren may not always share our lives geographically.

Good luck in living your life to the full and loving, supporting, and rejoicing in your family whilst still allowing them to live theirs where and how they choose.

I believe that is what you meant in "cutting them loose".

chilledlady I think that you have exactly the right attitude to life......we must enjoy life while we have it, your children have done what seems right for them, so you do what is right for you.At least it means that you can choose to live anywhere that you like.?

I also totally understand the OP. It is what I try to do every day but often wonder if I am fooling myself. I have two adult children in Australia and a son more locally who we don't here from since he left his lovely wife and children. I try to count our blessings. We have each other, good health, two fabulous grandchildren here and their lovely mummy and also enough money to live quite comfortably. We are trying to enjoy every day but it is certainly not how we hoped this phase of our life would be. We miss our family so much.

Azie09 indeed, I am that Skype Granny who once a month talks to the other side of the world. Big smiles etc but really it can be very unsatisfying and often after coming off Skype I feel so sad. But do try to tell myself....It is how it is, and many have less than me.

Good Luck, chilledlady.

chilledlady - I know what you mean. Some of our children, and all our young grandchildren live at the other side of the world, and we rarely see them (except when they come here.)
So we try to make the best of it, and recognise that this is the kind of life they've chosen.

I found your OP very uplifting chilledout and you can count me in; "No wishing for things that can never be, no regrets, no tears". Being estranged from our youngest son and only GC for more than four years, your outlook is just what I'm trying to do too.

Just an afterthought about, to my mind, the disadvantages of Skype etc. Before my children went overseas a typical family afternoon, or day would consist of tea and cake (of course), dinner later, probably a rousing good walk, then exchange of news, mulling over the politics of the day, much laughter and jokes, playing of games (card and board), telling and retelling anecdotes from the past, perhaps looking at photos or exchanging books, perhaps watching a film or a tv programme together, hugs and cuddles.

You can't do that on Skype! I do feel very sorry for grandparents who have to watch their children grow up as though they were watching a tv show although I'm sure the best is made of it.

How lovely, chilledlady!
every good wish to you, as you go on your way. I would have loved to come.

Good luck Chilledlady and thank you for posting.

I have children overseas too and it takes time to accept the very limited contact (Skype is a bit like only ever meeting for an hour in a coffee shop IMHO) and to reorient your life to not really having them in it any longer, or only occasionally. I defy anyone to say that Skype/texts/What's App is the same level of contact as seeing each other regularly, though I know that some GNetters don't see even children living near them very often.

The instruction to 'let go', stated punitively makes me slightly suspicious that it's covering up something. Adult children are adults of course and they don't have to maintain contact with us, nor do we have to interact with them. But if we didn't want much contact with them later in life, then why did we have them?

There was an interesting and brave article in the Guardian recently:

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/feb/11/breaking-taboo-parents-who-regret-having-children

There are so many ways of living and so many different ways that families relate, or don't. I read the OP as making a statement of reconciliation to a less than ideal circumstance but celebrating the possibilities of and good things in a life returned to coupledom. After all, she might be struggling with being asked to look after 5 grandchildren on a weekend a month as one poor soul is at the moment!

Of course, MawBroon, it's just that some people find it easier than others to let go and move on. Deciding to do it is just the start!

Good luck Chilledlady!

I absolutely second what Luckygirl says .
And yes, judging by some of the threads/posts on GN some people clearly don't see life that way, but "normal" everyday life rarely makes for good copy in newspapers and I imagine internet sites are similar
Still what I would call "normal" behaviour though!
(It may be "easier said than done" but that doesn't mean we can't do our best.)

Thank you so much to everyone who has been expressed understanding and empathy. As Araabra says 'We all only have one life to live, best we get on and make the most of it'. I am doing so, and will cherish the times when I and my family all get together, which will be such a special time. In the meantime, there is so much else for me to enjoy.

Chilledlady, What a lovely approach. We all only have one life to live, best we get on and make the most of it.