Hi
Thanks for all the very useful advice and information.
I am indeed very unhappy, but is that depression?
When I was caring for the parents and DH there was no family around me. Not one person offered to give me "time off" I did not have a day in town never mind a holiday. I was with my grandparent at death. There should have been loads of people there but there was only me. I was not happy that there was no family support at all, not really for my sake more for the sake of the people who had relatives could not show face at crucial times. I know that some people could not bear to be at a death bed, I had to do it at a reasonably young age for a grandparent. When my parent was in hospital someone phoned and said they were planning a visit, I said I will take that afternoon off. I was visiting afternoon and evening. The response was you don't want to see me or the children.
When the last parent died, I was present having spent days at the bedside. Some family came to the hospital after death but walked away without even saying anything to me.
I later found out that a family member had attempted to mess with my parent's money even though I was Power of Attorney. This was an amount just short of £100,000
My DCs expect me to be there should I be needed but stay out of the way otherwise. I have been called out of my bed to take a child to hospital and another time I had to take some necessary meds to a DC's workplace at 2 or 3 a.m. This was a place I did not know and a scary area.
My DC's are aware that I have health problems. I have DLA. Sometimes they have been to hospital appointments with me. My conditions are hereditary. One DC has already been diagnosed with one and in fact is more seriously affected than me. I have another condition for which it is advisable for my close relatives to be tested. They refuse to be tested. Their choice I know but I wish I had had that opportunity.
I was brought up in a household where father worked and mother ran the house and looked after children. I know times have changed but I just can not accept my DDs work all hours to keep their (male) partners. I accept that might be old fashioned now.
This week I have been poorly. I had a phone call asking if I could babysit. I said I would but unfortunately I have developed another illness. Not terribly serious illnesses as long as you don't have underlying conditions.
The baby sitting was to involve a lot of travelling around. I used to babysit at the child's own house. Since the new partner joined the household (or not) I have never been alone in DDs house with the child. To complete this babysitting task the child would have had to be off school, then brought to my house 15 miles away, then I was to take child to a place 10 miles in another direction and after that take home. Probably this would be a total mileage of over 50 to 60 miles. To collect the child from school, take home to child's house, take to event and take back to child's home and take myself home would be about 35 miles. I do not expect to be banned from my child's house by a "bidie in" who is not officially there. Nor do I want my child and gchild dictated to as to who is allowed in their house.
As I have been at my home going through my poor health these last 10 days I have noticed that I was asked to babysit involving a lot of excessive running around but I was not asked do you want some shopping or medications brought. I was however told that because I am so fussy about cleaning round my kitchen and house in general this is why I am not well. I think I was criticised for being too clean.
I also face a lot of criticism such as I can't do anything like cook, sew, knit, decorate or drive even though I have done these things for years. I am shouted at in public in shops etc. I really don't have much to be happy about. The conduct of my DC is not what they were brought up to be. I have been told that it is called social decay and/or inverted snobbery where they behave badly when they were educated and brought up to have manners but chose not to.
My family showed no kindness or consideration while I was caring every hour of the day for years on end. Maybe I don't want them pretending to be friendly now that there is no reason for them to be asked to care sit. My own DCs never hug me but do shove their faces at me to be kissed on their departure. With all the lack of affection I am scared that any person showing me any warmth will spin my head!
Whether I go further with this man or not is academic now. I want to find a life which suits me better than this one I am living just now. I am limited by health problems but I need to stop the emotional batterings of being only wanted when useful and being criticised constantly. I have even been told that my parents never liked me but did find me useful! That was from a DC, the same one who thinks I should comply with her new partner's wishes that no-one is in her house. She has already lost friends due to him. He is not officially a member of the household, contributes nothing and she is in rent arrears despite earning sufficient.
I don't have a lot of fun in life just now but I would hope that I would be more comfortable away from all this either by physically moving to another area or by just steering clear. My last parent had heard the way I was treated by the DCs and had spoken out on my behalf. A nurse on my parent's ward told me that if her DCs spoke to her like mine had to me she would "bounce them off the walls". People do see what is causing me so much upset with the way my DCs treat me.
Thanks for all responses.
hoping you'll gradually start to build the life you'd like.