When did others begin to live again after beinging Widowed.

Westerlywind, I'm so deeply sorry for your losses, especially of dh. It is not just a loss of a husband but of plans and dreams you had for the life you would lead after all other "obligations...were fulfilled." It is so very sad that you never got to enjoy those plans together. (((Hugs)))

Since fortunately for me, my dh is still here, I'm hesitant to even hazard a guess as to the meaning of your reaction to that old school friend's hug, etc. It certainly might mean that you are "accepting the loss of DH," etc. It might also mean that you are ready for a relationship again, maybe even feeling the need for one.

I know you asked for "stories of how others coped in such situations" and I can't give you any. But I wonder, do you mean how they coped with widowhood or with feeling attracted or, at least, friendly towards another man after dh's death? You make a point of saying that he "is single and very decent." Are you really asking if you should go out with him?

Westerlywind, only you know how you feel. If you want to meet people and have a new life, after losing your husband, why shouldn't you? If you want to pursue a friendship with this man, who is to stop you?

There are no rules on how long you should grieve, and if your husband and you were happy, as you imply, he would not want you to be lonely or sad.

There is no right or wrong way to live after the death of a DH. I have been a widow for almost 6 years now, I still miss my DH every day but, as someone once said to me, you never get over it you just learn to carry it easier. If you enjoy the company of this old friend then why not continue to meet up with him and see where it goes. You could find it turns into a lovely friendship or it could become more.

Well, westerly wind, I went quite mad. I spent the first year crying every morning when I woke up, hardly able to get out of bed, overwhelmed by what seemed an endless succession of responsibilities. Stuff my husband had always taken care of and the demands of his two elderly parents.
Year two and I was even madder, got involved with a most unsuitable man. Dear lord that was a disaster. Year three, went on holiday, met someone, was totally off my head with lust! Consider that to be one of the best times of my life.
10 years down the line I am content with myself. I do have a dear friend in my life but neither of us would consider taking it any further than that.
I would say just go with the flow. As the Wican religion says If it harms nobody do as you will.

Westerlywind, you deserve to be happy, I so agree with Lisalou. I was widowed three and a half years ago so I do know about being on my own. And it isn't easy to lose your nearest and dearest or feel 'cheated' out of a retirement together.

For what it is worth, I would begin the next chapter of your life and see what a friendship with your school friend brings. Many people aren't as lucky to meet up with someone they actually like. The very best to you as you move forward, and no, there are no set rules.

As Sunseeker says - what is there to lose.? Please do not feel guilty about enjoying the company of another man as I am sure you would not have wanted your late husband to be lonely had you died first.
After a year as a widow I met a wonderful widower, completely different from my late husband, and after 2 years of getting to know each other we married.
Having enjoyed 10 happy years together we are both stoic about life:/death, there are no rights or wrongs just what feels right for you.
Take each day gratefully and whatever you decide I wish you every happiness and peace of mind.

Westerlywind, open your mind to it and take it slowly. A close friend of mine lost her husband in her early 60s after a long happy marriage. About a year later she met someone in the same situation, they got on well and slowly developed their relationship, which is now into its very happy fifth year. Because they had successful marriages they had no 'baggage' and could move forward. I wish you luck and happiness.

I wish in a way, that I had been widowed because then you know that they loved you right until the end and love remains untainted.

I was shuffled off for the new model and remain bitter, angry and nasty after years..........

Cut off my nose to spite my face and all that stuff.

Love is a stinker, one of you leaves or one of you dies and grief is the price we pay for love. In a way I envy widows their grief.......my history went with my ex no one wants to mention even the happy times we had.

I hope you all find happiness.......let yourself find it........I have growled at life for 15 years and it has done me no favours. You know that they would want the best for you. Accept wat love sends you.

My husband died when I was 42, he was 46 - that was 19 years ago now and I haven't had another partner since he passed away. The first year I think I was in shock and I really can't remember much except having to sort out the paperwork, pay the mortgage off, shop for food (mainly for my daughter) and get some repairs done to the house. Then my daughter got a job 300 miles away and I went with her so had to sell my house, buy another, arrange the move of furniture etc and the months just sped by. My daughter moved out a year after we moved to Dover and then my three grandchildren started to arrive so I was busy with them. I had also returned to work full time so my days were very full. There was one man who, had he been free (he was married) I would have been interested in a relationship with but he was married and therefore not to be considered as anything other than a colleague and friend (in the same way I had female colleagues who were friends). My daughter became a single mother two years ago when ex son in law walked out to live with one of his work colleagues and I took early retirement to help her as she needed to continue to work full time as ex son in law wouldn't pay any money to support the children (she didn't ask or expect anything for herself). Looking after the three grandkiddies fills my day and, I think, because I have been able to please myself about what I do with my time, I would find it quite hard to start a relationship again now unless the man was willing to muck in with the family Resigned myself to being single unless someone with a sense of humour and the patience of a saint comes along

Radicalnan, not everyone dies like you see in the movies with words of love and comfort on their lips...........

AdeleJay seems to put it perfectly. Go forward in friendship and take it day by day?

I hope that If I die first my husband will find some nice kind lady to keep him company. She'll need lots of patience!!

Radical nan found your post so sad. You are usually so full of good advice for others but it is not always easy to do the rational thing is it when emotions are involved. Hard to let go of hurt.

I've been widowed almost nine years. I have two sons who give me a hug when I see them and a long standing friend who gives me a platonic hug and kiss. I don't foresee ever having a new partner and don't imagine ever feeling the need but never say never! I think that if you have a long and generally happy relationship from being young, it's hard to recapture the trust with someone new. The legal and financial position is awkward too, if you marry again. I'm referring to wills and inheritance. The money my late husband invested in pensions and our house is certainly mine to spend. If there's any left when I go, it should belong to our children rather than a subsequent partner. Making sure of that might be rather unromantic.

I have been widowed for 4 years now, I enjoy male company but cannot think of ever wanting to be married again, I'm too independent. I moved to be nearer DD & DGS & am now expanding my social horizons.

I do have a very good male friend who I knew before I met DH, he became DH's friend as well, we meet very occassionally as we live 300 miles apart but when we do it's like falling back into that lovely comfortable relationship. He makes me laugh, cuddles me & we have some lovely memories.

Who knows what the future holds, go with what feels right for you & remember your DC have their own lives

I agree wholeheartedly with writers who've said you should do what feels right for you. Of course your DC may imagine that you will spend the rest of your life in purdah, but why should you?
My own mother lived alone for around 30 years after my father died, but we were delighted when she met someone (a recent widower) in her late eighties. They only had a couple of years together but were both very happy. She did say that she would not remarry as she saw little point in this, and though he was surprised he was happy with her decision.

I've been a widow for seven years. It would be nice to meet someone for outings and friendship, though I can't imagine wanting to set up home with someone or marry.

I agree that our children will make their own way but I'm mindful of the fact that my late husband virtually worked himself to death (yes, by his own work ethic) and he didn't do that for the benefit of another man's family. One of my friends recounts the story of her grandmother who remarried after her first husband died. Her entire estate went to her second husband and her own children inherited nothing. I doubt if inheritance law has changed since that time. I'm pretty sure that if you marry, any previous will you made is null and void. The legal spouse takes precedence. I'd be happy to stand corrected by our legal buffs on GN. It's an important consideration.

My children, particularly my daughter, would be pleased if I found happiness with a new partner. Being single after the death of my husband is nothing like purdah for me. That's why I feel no need for a new partner. Single life has much to recommend it! ?

I have been widowed 11 years and like izzypopbottle I feel what my husband left me should go to my children, which rules out marrying again for that and many other legal reasons. However that said I have a relatively long relationship on the go, he respects and accepts my position and we are very happy. Moving on to another relationship does not take away from my marriage, I was 46 when my husband died and did not relish the idea of being on my own. Do whatever feels right for you and makes you happy.

You can mitigate the heritage problem by making a will. I'm amazed at how many people don't have one. Or you could marry someone v rich and hope he goes first!

hopeful1 You can (and should) make a new will after marrying. If it's a second (or more!) marriage, I believe it's possible to ringfence your children's inheritance although any will can be challenged especially if there's a spouse living in the house you shared. Such unromantic discussions need to take place before the knot is tied!

Hey Jayanna! I could just about imagine being arm candy for a rich old geezer ? I'm only 65 and in reasonable shape! Any idea where these mythical beasts are to be found? ?

I'm working on it!