How much should we tell them of health issues

My mother with her 'very strong character; was a 'get on with it'type.
Although during my childhood illness's apart from my chickenpox at the age of 11 years when she left my father in charge so she could visit some distant relatives I was well looked after.
How ever from my early teens it became obvious that she was of the opinion I made a fuss over nothing.Fortunately for me I never had anything other than we women 'inconveniences' and a few colds.
I do believe that this get on with it can stay with you and although I may be in much pain which I do suffer with osteo arthritis and bouts of IBS, very uncomfortable, I never let on although would love some TLC now and then.Which I would have received from my 'very much miss' DH.

Sending good luck wishes to all with recent diagnoses and waiting for results ?

Got to agree with most comments, re. don't overdo things medical etc. My mother had poor health and I remember trying to start a phone conversation without ' How are you today'!! Whilst reading these posts got a call from DGS and just remembered in time to give the right answer to the same question!! Don't ever want to seem so needy that the family feel guilty.

Thanks everyone, Have I had my eyes opened ! Always thought I said "I was fine" and didn't realise I rabbited on a bit. Certainly taught me a lesson I think we all are doing well. I willbe in future.

I barely mention the day to day stuff and have never had an in depth conversation about my serious health issue. Nor with my husband either! There's a very lovely nurse at our Gp practice and I suppose she's the only person I confide in with respect to health issues. Thank God for Nurse Laura!!

For years my mother never told me when there as anything wrong with her. I usually found out when my Dad rang to say she was in hospital. She used to try to ignore it if there was anything wrong with her- which unfortunately resulted in several emergency admissions to hospital and operations that could have been avoided if she'd seen her Dr sooner. Usually I had to rush to the hospital as it was touch and go that she'd survive. As I lived about three or fours travel away by train and bus and had two small children it would have helped to have known she wasn't well. At least I could have had an emergancy plan. When I was a child she had regular migraines and couldn't really be left alone at these times, so as Dad had to go to work I would stay off school for the day to look after her. The next day she would give me a note for the teacher saying I had been unwell!

Sending good wishes to those of you with difficult diagnoses or awaiting test results.

There is a balance to be struck when talking with our children, as I know they would be very angry if we kept anything from them that was impinging on our lives. I think it is possible to be honest without wingeing.

I had a minor op last week and mentioned it afterwards to my sons. Both wanted to know why I hadn't told them before. I reckon whatever we do we can't win.

Our daughter in New York has been having awful problems as they were unable to move in to their new apartment, because the builders over ran massively and so they were homeless for several weeks and had to put the dogs in the doggy hotel and stay with various friends. As they had so much on their plate, I didn't tell them that I have a largish thyroid operation coming up in a couple of weeks, but I did tell our daughter yesterday now that they have moved in as I felt she ought to know.

It sounds to me as if you are very aware, dewy5 and wouldn't over-burden anyway.
I find it really hard to tell mine anything at all about our health. I even made my DH do it when I was hospitalised with shingles.

Good luck with the results today merlot - I sympathise, my husband was eventually diagnosed with heart failure last year, leading to almost a month in hospital. It was very unexpected but could easily have been life threatening so I did let my children know, in as non-frightening a way as I could.

Fortunately he has responded well to the high doses of drugs he is taking now - he almost rattles as he walks! In our case it is a problem that could be inherited so it would have been essential to tell them in any case.

Like most other posters I wouldn't bother to tell them about niggly stuff either, unless we needed help.

Best wishes to you and dh, harrigran!

Hi Dewy5 - I know exactly what you mean. I also have two sons - one nearby with family, the other an hour away and single. In my experience, they worry more if you suddenly present them with a fait accompli and they don't like to find out after you've been ill/in hospital/had a procedure. I don't worry mine with day-to-day aches and pains, but keep them posted if I or my husband develop something which requires regular treatment or investigation. We're not asking for help but keeping them abreast of the situation - I wouldn't want them to feel guilty just because they didn't know what we were going through.

My children are in their 20s, and I had to tell them about the three potentially-terminal diagnoses I've had.
I am the happiest person I know, luckily, so I never mention any of my health issues and niggles. I still smile [inside] when they complain to me about their cough, or a headache, or other minor things, because it means they are not treating me as anything other than a Mum. [I am permanently in a wheelchair now.]
The one thing I hate is when my own Mum or other visitors say "Aren't you looking well!" when I am frankly feeling awful! <grin>
But that is another issue...

I've had a spate of bad health with two emergency hospital admissions, so I keep my sons informed of any health issues I have now, because I think it's less of a shock if anything turns serious!

I agree about not going on and on about health, but I'd want to know if they had anything wrong with them so I assume the same applies the other way.

harri best wishes for you both xx

Sometimes dh and I have to tell dd about a little cold or whatever if she asks us to watch her kids. Otherwise, we keep the nigglies to ourselves. I don't even tell dh about all my nigglies, lol! If something serious comes up, that's a different matter.

Best wishes, merlotgran and Rosieonline.

bionicwoman and harrigran

DD just reminded me what happened last week, DGS was in the garden and saw me through the window, I was having a wee snooze on the sofa.
He went in and told his Mum I was dead, when I asked why she did not come down to check, she said ,,,Mum you would have texted me,,,,duh, yes she is blonde.

I only talked to DC when I got a definite diagnosis of a serious illness. DH has had tests and procedures and an MRI this morning but DC know nothing of his problems, following so close after my illness I fear they will be upset.
This week blood tests showed that I need further investigations and I discussed it with DC yesterday but played down the importance.
I think that we feel the need to protect them from the harsh realities of illness in old age.

As others have said, I wouldn't bother with the niggles, aches, pains etc but do share anything major.
I've had three hip replacements and both children knew about the ops and the rehab, but not the arthritis I have in my hands and other joints which cause day-to-day discomfort.
Best of all, I've just been diagnosed with a brain tumour (meningioma). I was going to keep quiet until I'd seen the neurologist, but daughter asked if I'd had the results of my scan and it was easier just to tell her. I'm now keeping everyone fully updated as I find it helps with their worries that they know I'm not keeping anything from them.

felice I shouldn't laugh, but I smile when I remember my mum. Hear of an illness? She had a "touch" of it. Remember her hearing somebody had a brain tumour. Guess who had a headache?
Sadly she could not have foretold the years of infirmity she was to face with PD and increasing immobility because she had ignored hammer toes. Poor mum, she eventually predeceased Dad in the end despite his heart condition.

rosieonline hope the operation is a success. Good luck.

My husband has had some major problems, which our family have been involved in, as they all live close, and are very supportive
I worry that seeing our problems at close hand, will make them apprehensive about their own futures. When we were their age, our parents all lived a long way away, and we never thought about the day-to-day aspects of the ageing process!

My Mother always has something wrong with her, the tiniest twinge is reported in every detail constantly. I am afraid she was pretty much ignored most of the time, until she had gall stones. It was pointed out to her that if she wasn't always complaining about imaginary ills it could have been treated sooner(by her GP).
She is now 98 frail but healthy, I hope I am not tempting fate writing this.
When I had to have my heart op the first thing she did was go to her GP with chest pains, my condition is hereditary and as her GP pointed out I am adopted so she was not likely to have the condition, he sent her for tests and her heart is very healthy.
Sorry to go on a bit, but I wonder how much her 'ailments' have cost the National health over the years.