How much should we tell them of health issues

No, I never divulge my ongoing health to my sons. They have enough going on in their lives without me adding even a background niggle to their lot. I once had the misfortune to be spotted in hospital by a mutual friend. Son 2 was on the phone immediately and a little hurt until I put forward my reasoning. All sorted now with both of them in agreement. Promised to let them know if I've died by direct zap!

grannysyb if anyone asked MIL how she was they got a long and detailed account of every ailment and niggle, you could see people's eyes glaze over!
She said 'if someone asks "how are you?" why say you're fine if you're not really!'

No, not the everyday niggly things but if anything serious happens then yes.

I love a moan about niggly tings but if it were anything truly dreadful, I would prefer to keep that to myself.

I have a bit of a situation going on regarding this. After many years of being very overweight and, with several health issues creeping in associated with it. I finally took the advice of a Bariatric consultant and had a gastric sleeve performed on the NHS. I haven't told my son or DIL as I know they would judge me and consider me a failure and that I've taken the easy way out. Also, I feel such a procedure is private. I'm sure a lot of you will agree with them and that's fine but I can assure you, it is definitely not the easy route!

It depends, because we are often asked to help out or go and visit or go for a meal/tea and biscuits etc.All the DC live close to us.So, if I have a cold/cough ( like at the moment, since you ask, cough, sniff.) then I do say so, as I may not feel up to it, and don't want to pass germs on either.They all tell us both serious and trivial health issues, and I guess we do the same.

I didn't tell my C about my BC until I knew myself even though I spent 2weeks on holiday with them all
while waiting for the results.
They knew I was suffering with my knee as I couldn't keep it from them. All major things are kept until known and minor things kept quiet for ever.

I'm careful what I tell my children, and remember what I used to keep from my own parents, when I was having marriage and health problems, back in the 70's.
But I did ask oldest daughter and oldest son to come and stay when I had a hip replacement 10 years ago. To help my husband. Not sure why, I must have been scared about operation.
But current little things - I was talking to DD1 on the phone this morning, explained why I felt unsure of coming to stay with them because of my sleep problems.
They have their own health problems now, into their 50s.

DD once said to me "I never ask Grandma how she is,because she tells me!" So now I try to remember not to bore her about any niggly health issues.

And good luck with OH's results tomorrow merlot.

No I don't speak about small health problems, but if there is something diagnosed which can be hereditary, however minor, such as high blood pressure or glaucoma etc, then yes, I do mention it simply because it is part of their family health history and they should know.

DDs usually ask about these things as OH has degenerative disorder and I have had a few health hiccoughs. But I usually give a brief reply and get stuck in to finding out what they have been up to.

As we live close to two of them, they do tend to know if we have appointments etc (usually because we have had to say no to child care!) so they are up to speed and always ask how things went.

But I too am very conscious that we do not want all our conversations to consist of health issues.

Mind you they are very very perceptive and pick up on things even if I do not mention them! - and I am also conscious that they would be cross if they were not kept in the loop. So it is a bit of a balancing act.

I didn't tell my sons when I had a sigmoidoscopy recently, I would only have said something if it had highlighted some serious problem. Naturally we told both sets of DC when DH was diagnosed with the prostate cancer. Anything else just gets ignored by us.

Good luck for tomorrow, merlotgran. Hope there's only good news to pass on!

Hope all goes well for your DH tomorrow Merlot

I only mention health issues if they are serious. If I need tests I don't mention it until they are done and I have the results. One daughter is an extreme worrier so I am careful what I say to her.

My DS's mother in law died on 1 Jan and most times when he speaks to me now he asks if we are both ok. It has made him a bit jumpy. He was none too pleased when his 4 year old said to my DH, 'when you die grandad can I have your mobile?'

We rarely mention our aches and pains but we hear about every cold, stomach upset, rash etc experienced by DS and his family.

DH has some health issues at the moment which could be serious but we won't know until after tomorrow's chest X ray and echocardiogram. The family knows as much as we do at the moment. They've sent him some good luck messages on facebook and I know they'll be expecting an update from me tomorrow evening.

My mother used to drive me to distraction with her health anxiety yet she lived to the ripe old age of 96. I think that's the main reason I hold back because what good does it do giving other people sleepless nights when it may all be for nothing?

I don't talk about our little health related issues with my daughters. They have children and GC of their own, I don't want to bore, worry, or burden them. I suppose if either of us had a real health problem I'd mention it in passing.

If they are indeed small and niggly, (such as par for the course for our ages) no way. There is nothing more depressing (or off putting)!than hearing an "organ recital" from an ageing parent
If on the other hand there are major health issues it is only fair to share with adult children.
But it is possible to talk about other things!

Well, jane, my DCs do actually tell me if they are suffering from anything. Both having children under 8, there's always something going round. I was kind of meaning what I mentioned before about parents being ill, as I feel that maybe offspring don't want to accept that one day, they too will be ageing. Perhaps I'm overthinking it!

I think the question to ask yourself dewy is
'If the DCs had this condition, would I want to know?'

I don't want to know if my DCs have got a bit of a cold - but if the one who lives near me had flu I might want to go round to administer TLC, if she would let me. The other two live too far away for me to offer assistance, other than in the direst emergency.

Obviously I would want to know about something life-threatening.

Between those two extremes are non-life-threatening things which nevertheless might have an impact on how active you are or on your independence in the short or long-term.

I generally operate on a 'need-to-know' basis as I think the DCs have enough to worry about with their own busy lives.

No, only the big things. I wouldn't want them to stop getting in touch because they got fed up listening to all my woes!

I rarely talk about any health problems to DDs. If I do mention anything in passing, they never remember to ask how I am later! However, I am sure they would be supportive if anything major cropped up.

My daughter always asks me about how all my ailments are. Its only just occurred to me how she must feel when I give her a full rundown!