How much should we tell them of health issues

I alwys used to keep things from the family if possible, but since my triple heart bypass 18 momths ago and now the increasing trouble with my osteoporosis they insist on being kept in the loop. They even insist on comimg to hospital appointments with me, unless it is for a simple test, as it seems they don't trust me to ask the right questions or tell them what has been said. ?

There was an article about this in this week's Sunday Times. Someone had found out by accident that her father had a serious health condition but hadn't told anyone. Should she tell the rest of the family?
Quite a dilemma, and she was advised to speak to her father first, then tell the others.

I've thought a lot about this, as I am a Person with Parkinson's. I was diagnosed 5 years ago and am tolerating medication well. I do Nordic Walking, non-contact boxing, Irish set dancing, gym classes etc. and so am pretty fit for a 64 year old. HOWEVER, Parkinson's is a degenerative condition and I know I will become less able as the condition progresses. Rather than try to tell my grandson, who is now 4 and a half years old and still enjoys all the things I do, like swimming, fast walking, cycling, visits to the funfair, I wrote some stories about a Granny with Parkinson's. Stories tell the child about someone else, not about you, but they still raise the issue. I've worn my "I have PD. Please give me time" wristband, and my PD T shirt and grandson has seen my PD friends and me Nordic walking, most more afflicted than I am, but so far hasn't asked any questions. I'm sure he will, very soon, and because I'm up-front about it, there won't be any fear or embarrassment surrounding it, I hope. Open the box when they are ready, I say. A bit like sex education. Too much too soon won't mean anything. But silence creates fear and confusion, in my experience. Good luck, you all.

Sorry - haven't read all 4 pages of the thread - lunch break is drawing to a close. I think it is important that you tell your children as much as you can so that they are aware that they might inherit it, and can take preventative measures or benefit from developments in research which will hopefully emerge in their lifetimes.

My mother always talks "at" me about whatever is on her mind when she phones. She is always in pain but when it was dire pain that was the topic. Now it is lived with pain, she will spend the call talking about her new tv purchase or whatever. What I learn from this is that with increasing age we must get pre-occupied with things which blow themselves out of proportion in our own minds. We are probably going to bore family members rigid with whatever that is, whether health related or getting the gas boiler serviced, so they may as well get used to it.

I was parked on level 3, janea and didn't realise I could drive my car to customer services so I walked!! DH stayed in the car which was a Good Idea. His 'mutterings' about the cost of parking and design of the walkways more than likely got on my nerves distracted me enough to make me forget to collect the ticket.

However.....Some tips should it ever happen to anyone else:

Remember you car registration and where you parked it, which machine you used, how much you paid and exactly what you put in the machine.

Apparently you have 30 seconds to remove your ticket before it gets swallowed up again. This is to prevent somebody else grabbing it.

Serves me right for telling DH to stop complaining because we'd actually had a stress free experience!

Excuse me, Crazygrandma? Your ac complained about your not giving them a chance to support you and dh? New flash (for them, not you)! Their dad's illness is not about them and their needs. It's up to the sick person to decide who to tell what and when about their illness. You ac need to respect dh's choices and nvm about their own wishes.

Would only tell if it was life threatening, otherwise my theory is the less it is spoken about, the sooner it will go away.

I only tell about the big things too. Although sometimes I say I feel like the walking dead but will ressurect when I have another coffee

I mentioned to my adult children my heart issues that are an inherited trait. No fuss. A relative went apeshit at me, saying that I was always going on about how I could drop dead at any moment. I had never done/said anything of the sort. She then said that my children were under that impression. Obviously one needs to be clear and transparent about what one says.

Hope you don't have to wait too long for the results merlot
I once parked at a hospital at night & lost the ticket you needed to put in the machine to raise the barrier to get out. I had had to park a long way away from the hospital building, quite near to a side exit. I CBA to walk all the way back to the main building and managed to drive my car up a slope of grass and around the end of the barrier to make my escape

Thanks for the good wishes yesterday. Now we just have to wait for the results of DH's echocardiogram.

What I didn't tell the family when they asked for an update was that while paying the greedy car park machine, I was so keen to scoop up my change from a £10 note I neglected to take the ticket. You can't get out without it so I had a long trek to customer services in order to throw myself on their mercy.

They were brilliant. Thank goodness for number plate recognition, CCTV etc.

I never mention any health problems, however, when my husband had a heart attack couple of years ago, it was a bit hit or miss whether he was going to make it. Initially, I didn't tell my children, as it was near Christmas and we weren't planning on visiting them that year. When discussing the situation at work, they all voted unanimously, that they would want to know if a parent was seriously ill.
I did ended up telling them and they visited just after Christmas, but like you I didn't really want them to worry, though they both said, they would have been upset that they wouldn't have been given the choice.

DH and I don't make a big fuss about anything but we do try to keep our son in the loop so to speak. He is a doctor anyway and it can be a big help to get his professional opinion on test results etc. If either of us had a major problem I would email/text him rather than wait until I see him next.

I wanted to know when my parents were seriously ill so yes, I would tell my kids.

I am careful in what I do say to DD as her OH has Fibromyalgia + other health problems, much worse than my aches & pains. DD is aware of my Epilepsy & Diabetes Type 2 but apart from anything serious I keep my health worries to myself. If I'm having tests I wait & see what the results are.

I also have my DM (she is 88) to consider, I know she worries about me but her & DD do talk, I try to keep things quiet but it's not easy. Also I worry about DM & DD, & so it goes on

No, I never say anything to my sons. Nothing much to say, fortunately, just a few minor procedures over the years and mild age-related conditions.

However I do tell my sister, in a 'moan over lunch' sort of way.

I mention ailments in passing but don't go into a lot of detail e.g. if my DD ask if I have been to gym I might say I love going but iv'e had a couple of bad asthma attacks recently so have not been to gym for the last week. Then move on to talk about something else. However if I or my DH had anything serious we would tell DC straight away. I would want to know if my DH parents, my own parents have both passed on. My own Mum had cancer and she did not tell me or any of my siblings for quite a while and when she did eventually tell us we were hurt she had not told us straight away as the thought of her going through it alone was awful.

Apart from telling them about anything life threatening I just say I'm fine and soldier on. As I had breast cancer when they were just young children and recently had to tell them it's the hereditary sort, I think they've been through enough upset to last a lifetime! And there's nothing more boring to listen to than other folks health niggles, is there?

Interestingly, my DD has been pestering me to give her a list of the various things I have experienced in recent years because she realises that most of them my mother experienced as well. She wants to know what she has to look forward to!
I do agree that small things are kept to yourself but as we all travel so much more nowadays, possible problems that are not declared on travel insurance by them as well as you can so easily invalidate your/their insurance if you need to claim.

Possibly if it's life threatening or something that might run in families - eg glaucoma,
High blood pressure etc i might mention it. But generally they have more than enough to worry about!

My daughter made me promise to tell her anything important and I know she tells me of anything that may be a worry, as does my son.
Apart from that we are a "get on with it" sort of family.
I wish I'd been more sympathetic of the general aches and pains that my parents suffered from though. But they were "get on with it" sorts too

Mm it is a tricky one to get right isn't it? Growing up I heard many elderly (probably not really so elderly!) folks say, when asked how they are, either "mustn't grumble" or "can't complain". I was caught out recently though. Younger DD who lives a few hours away, has had chronic health problems since a teenager (you wouldn't know if you met her!) and married to a doc, rang unexpectedly and asked how we are. I had just had the second of two scans so answered without thinking, all done, results in a couple of weeks! Of course, what is is all about?! She has not asked any further though. . . . .

My DH is getting rather frail and I felt DS was spending very little time with him/us, so I did start to tell him of some of the problems. I also feel saddened watching DH slowly decline, but did not want DS to feel regret if anything happens and he had not shown interest or spent time with his father. After all, I think one can regret what you didn't do, or opportunities missed, when something happens to a parent; I didn't want him to feel that.
DS is much more accepting of the situation of DH's decline, has been supportive and even taken him for a hospital check-up to relieve me; he does say he would be cross if he felt I had not kept him in the loop. I still feel guilty though, trying not to be a burden or cause him any more problems when he has a busy job, works long hours and has 2 very young children. Same old problem - don't want to be a burden to our children?

A tricky one. I used to be a don't say anything until you have the answers type, but I was roundly told off when they discovered their dad was having fits. The charge was that we hadn't given them the opportunity to support us and that as adults they do not need protecting! It's fairly obvious DH also has a knee problem as he can't walk far so no hiding that one :-) I don't tell them about the small stuff though. It's probably a case of damned if you do and damned if you don't!