Elderly Mothers

Another only child here. You aren't alone. So many mothers are this way to varying degrees. I was lucky in that my mother was a good mum until I hit puberty when I stopped being her little girl and became a woman with my own opinions and life. She then became increasingly jealous and paranoid. It didn't help that she went through the menopause while I was an obnoxious teenager and her own mother who was a moderating influence on her became ill and died.

I've been an orphan for nearly four years and The Guilt has now faded. Where it comes from, why and who we feel guilty to I have no idea, but it's there. Overwhelming guilt! Fight it if you can. You are not responsible for the enormous chip on your mothers shoulder. She is obviously surviving quite well without you. You done your best. You've obviously empowered her to cope without you. You've done well! You're free!

Who do you feel guilty to, if you see what I mean?

I do agree with you about her not able to love me, or anyone. She is a person who gets jealous of others and has caused trouble for neighbours all around her, which I have had to sort out. Our home life was not a loving one, I have no brothers or sisters so I often felt alone. My father never showed much love either, in later life often I thought he was not happy in this marriage. Nothing seemed to please her. He always said she likes to be the centre of attention. I do however have a very loving husband so I am lucky in a lot of ways. I have given up banging my head against a brick wall with her.

Loving your mother is natural. I worked with kids who were terribly mistreated but worshipped their mothers.

Some mothers have a wonderful way of making their children feel guilty. The instilled it into their children when they were young and no amount of logic can make those feelings of guilt go away. Your mother has chosen to ignore you. You have offered the olive branch on several occasions but she still ignores you. You have nothing to feel guilty about....but you will

Do you think she has loved you? A bit of a painful question to ask, but sometimes I wonder if such "types" of people do actually love others, but they put themselves so high up in importance[sounds like her nose was severly put out of joint when in her eyes, your inlaws quite rightly came first on that occasion], that it effectively silences other parts of themselves? for you.

I suppose feeling guilty is only natural, but I dont have experince of this, so other posters may well be able to explain that better than I can.