Cowardly and cruel?

Many thanks to all who have posted.

I think I would put it on hold phoenix, but then how do I really know? It's all raw and new at the moment. Your son isn't helping with his response. If you want to destroy it, or indeed tell the solicitor not to send it, then do. If you aren't sure then put it on hold. Either ask the solicitor to keep it until he hears otherwise from you or as others have suggested ask a friend to hold it for you for now. I do think trust your instinct, in this case go with the gut feeling. It's a horrid situation to be in, but as ann says you do have the final word. Sending hugs.

Thank you all for the posts and supportive messages, they are very much appreciated.

phoenix your tale of the funeral made me laugh - even though it was a funeral!
I don't have a funeral tale but do remember going to a wedding in the local church, the chap sitting in front turned round to look at the bride on the arm of her step-father proceeding in a stately fashion down the long aisle and asked me if this was the Catholic church (of the same name as the CoE one) - I said no, this was the CofE church whereupon he said 'wrong wedding', rushed up the aisle, pushing past a startled bride and step-father on the way.

I think I would give the letter to someone else to hold while you decide what to do; you may want to burn it without reading in the future or you may feel strong enough to read it one day.

and and well done, thank goodness for good friends too.

You have the control and the final word. Use it.

Burn the bloody letter without opening it. Do this in front of your son and then take the bits and throw them out of a window and let them drift away.

You don't need to know or to read it. It's your final act of defiance and your way of saying to this woman 'you are not worth it and you are in the past where you belong'.

Burn the bloody thing in its envelope! (Sorry for swearing). I am sure you are going to be torn and curiosity will probably win out but, your son is obviously aware of the contents and you have nothing to gain

Do not read this horrid letter, Phoenix. However, I would give it to a trusted friend to hold and then get on with living your life as happily and fully as you can. Revisit the letter at some time in the future, if you wish, but not yet or ever, if that is what time and distance leads you to decide.

phoenix, nothing much to say really but sending you a massive (((hug)))

I really don't know why your son was able to read the letter phoenix - surely it was addressed to you? I agree with annsixty, don't read it when you eventually do receive it.

I know you'll always wonder what she said, but it will just make you feel worse. Such sadness...

I'm sorry Phoenix you are having to go through this. The letter says most about your mum not you. Read it and feel sorry for her. To put the boot in after death is horrible and not the action of a loving mum. It is her problem and her failure. Try not to let your mum's actions sour your relationship with your son. Try and use this Mothering Sunday to forgive your mum for her failings and put it behind you. You can now hopefully enjoy the time ahead without a mum refusing to speak to you. Wishing you happiness and peace.x

Do not put yourself through the trauma of reading it. It will upset you even more and I imagine you know how your mother felt about you
Write it off and get on with your life. So sad for you though.

An update, have still not received the letter, apparently it will be sent from the solicitors.

However, during a phone conversation with my son today, about other matters, I mentioned it and he said that it was "not very nice".

I asked him how he would feel if he felt that I, as his mother, didn't love him and actually wrote him a letter about it.. His response was a sort of verbal shrug and to say, "well, there's nothing you can do about it now, is there?"

Dreading the arrival of the damn thing, angry, upset and still think it was cowardly and cruel.

Sadly my son is not a particularly warm and loving person, unlike his late brother.

I wonder if Phoenix has read her letter yet or if she has been discouraged from reading it.

Sorry _ should have read mentally clouded!

Or mentally course as she was near death?

ElfiesCould your mum have been jealous of you in some way?

I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time.

I'm still very down about it JuliaSeizer44,but I cut my nose off to spite my face, and made sure that my bequest from my mum was shared with friends and relatives she DID like ,and a sizable charity donation so I could feel I hadn't profited since she disliked me so much.

elviesit hurts so much and I'll never ,ever forget the look on her face when she said it. I hope I won't do anything as hurtful to my nearest and dearest .

Oh, Elvies, that's so horrible. I'm afraid that I would have been very tempted to retort that I was going to throw her ashes out in the wheelie bin or flush them down the loo.

Do not let the past affect your future....

merlot, that was so funny...In a Persian Market!

Cinnamon1 it's a bit early in the process, the funeral was only yesterday, but going by his comment "I don't mind you having a couple of bits from the house" doesn't exactly bode well!

merlot, sorry, but

And isn't your son going to pass at least part of his inheritance to you? His grandma may have been a horrid person but he at least can behave decently towaqrds you as his mother.

DH's father died of a heart attack during the 1987 hurricane. Because of the damage and road closures in West Sussex the cortege had to wind round various diversions en route to the crematorium. I had set out all the food in the room we had booked for the tea afterwards but had forgotten to switch on the tea urn which took a long time to heat up.

My sis-in-law, who was trying to spot the car we were supposed to be following, nearly had a heart attack herself when I told her I'd forgotten the urn. She thought we had to provide the urn for the ashes and there'd be nothing to put him in unless we went back to get it!!

Things didn't improve when he was carried in to the questionable taste of 'In a Persian Market.' They'd put the cassette in the wrong way round.....It should have been 'In a Monastery Garden'