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Inviting elderly relatives to come and live near us.

(29 Posts)
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nina1959 Sat 04-Mar-17 07:58:29

Would love to hear your thoughts. We have our last remaining family members, in their late 70's home alone, no real friends, various health issues, got no one and both scared of what will happen if anything happens to the other.

So, we love them, get on well, and we know they want to move up closer to us so that they're on the doorstep. But we both have busy careers so our concern is that if even if they move closer to us, it's only their environment that changes, not their actual lifestyle.

In answer to this, my husband boldly stated last night that the answer was to find a large enough property so that they could have one side and be totally independent, and we could have ours.

My first thought was, eeek, who's going to do all the cleaning and look after the garden??

But I can see his point and I know it would make our relatives feel much safer and happier. Hubby's dad died last year and he couldn't do a lot so I think this is his gesture towards helping auntie and uncle live out their lives in happier surroundings,

Any thoughts?

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Grannyben Sat 04-Mar-17 19:55:18

It is wonderful that you are thinking of your elderly relatives but I was just wondering about your first post. You state that your dh is thinking of a large enough property for you all to share but, when they eventually "pop off" (sorry, no easy way to put it) could you afford to stay in this large property and, even if you can, would it eventually become a burden to you with rooms stood unused.
As others have said, perhaps it might be better for you to move into separate properties, in the same village, and this would of course enable you to keep your finances separate.

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merlotgran Sat 04-Mar-17 20:28:44

If the house is large enough and you all get on well, I'm sure being under one roof will be a lot easier than having to run backwards and forwards supporting elderly relatives who live nearby. You will have to do more as they get older. All kinds of little problems keep cropping up that they can't deal with and it will get harder when one of them dies.

Sheltered housing also brings its own problems because families are still expected to do the lion's share of support. It's a myth that there's always someone on hand to pop round and change a lightbulb.

I suppose that the simplest thing to do is make a list of pros and cons.

Good Luck

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M0nica Sun 05-Mar-17 15:40:19

DH's mother moved from the small town she had lived in all her life to a flat in our much larger town. Her flat was in a big Victorian house that had just been converted and her neighbours were 3 first time buyers.

Against all the odds, it was a resounding success. The four 'flat mates' we used to call them, got on really well. She was home during the day if parcels were delivered and so one or another would be popping in everyday to collect a parcel, ask about workmen and they would open jars or reach things down from cupboards if required.

Her presence round the corner meant I could take a key career job because she was close to her DGD's school so could look after her after school and both get up to mischief together. I would see her everyday and she spent weekends with us.

Sadly it only lasted 18 months. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died within a week, She was only 69.

So I would say, if you are compatible, do it. If you don't, if and when they need help you will be juggling all your activities wih regular round trips to visit them to organise and check care where ever they are now. Done that as well and do not recommend it.

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