Inviting elderly relatives to come and live near us.

It is wonderful that you are thinking of your elderly relatives but I was just wondering about your first post. You state that your dh is thinking of a large enough property for you all to share but, when they eventually "pop off" (sorry, no easy way to put it) could you afford to stay in this large property and, even if you can, would it eventually become a burden to you with rooms stood unused.
As others have said, perhaps it might be better for you to move into separate properties, in the same village, and this would of course enable you to keep your finances separate.

If the house is large enough and you all get on well, I'm sure being under one roof will be a lot easier than having to run backwards and forwards supporting elderly relatives who live nearby. You will have to do more as they get older. All kinds of little problems keep cropping up that they can't deal with and it will get harder when one of them dies.

Sheltered housing also brings its own problems because families are still expected to do the lion's share of support. It's a myth that there's always someone on hand to pop round and change a lightbulb.

I suppose that the simplest thing to do is make a list of pros and cons.

Good Luck

DH's mother moved from the small town she had lived in all her life to a flat in our much larger town. Her flat was in a big Victorian house that had just been converted and her neighbours were 3 first time buyers.

Against all the odds, it was a resounding success. The four 'flat mates' we used to call them, got on really well. She was home during the day if parcels were delivered and so one or another would be popping in everyday to collect a parcel, ask about workmen and they would open jars or reach things down from cupboards if required.

Her presence round the corner meant I could take a key career job because she was close to her DGD's school so could look after her after school and both get up to mischief together. I would see her everyday and she spent weekends with us.

Sadly it only lasted 18 months. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died within a week, She was only 69.

So I would say, if you are compatible, do it. If you don't, if and when they need help you will be juggling all your activities wih regular round trips to visit them to organise and check care where ever they are now. Done that as well and do not recommend it.