just testing

Receiving you loud and clear! Welcome

Looks like it worked so here we go again.

I have a friend who I cook a two course meal for 6 evenings per week and a two course lunch roughly 4-5 times a week.

We don't eat meat but live on fish, chicken, lots of fresh vegetables and fruit. On top of that as he spends most of his time here during the afternoon and evenings he also has several milky coffees, cakes, biscuits and other goodies throughout the day.

My question is how much it would be fair to ask him to contribute to my rather high food bill?

I have tried to write everything down, but as my shopping bills also include cleaning materials and personal items, it is quite hard to get a fair idea of how much I spend just on our food.

Your comments would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you so much Grannybags :-)

I'd say charge him one third of what it costs you leaving one third for household spends that you'd probably spend for just yourself..
I hope he helps cook and clean too

Welcome Mermaid6 what a good friend you are to your pal,I would certainly be putting my hand out for a contribution towards food costs and also factor in the saving he is making on heating/lighting/water/gas etc and general home comforts,if he went to a luncheon club he would expect to pay £3.50 for lunch only so you are well within your rights to bring the subject up with him,I would suggest easily £40.00 per week towards your bills if not more,he certainly has a charmed life doesn't he.

So out of 14 lunches/dinners in a week you provide 11 of them ... why?

And what does he do for you?

Hallo mermaid6 and welcome- are there 5 more mermaids??
riverwalk has taken the words right out of my mouth but yes nothing less than £40 for that lot!!

Thank you so much for your replies.
What does he do for me? I suppose he would do anything if I asked but I don't. So apart from drying the dishes he does not have any set jobs. However,
We go dancing, walking and occasional go to the cinema together.(always pay separately for everything) We also do charity work together in lots of different organisations. So I suppose he gives me companionship, a lot of pressure LOL to see me more than I would really like, but yet I do want him in my life as he is a king a gentle but slightly controlling man. I have known him and his late wife for 6 years, I lost my own DH nearly 3 years ago.

I can now add that my friend pays me £ 100 per month and I am struggling with it, but I feel he thinks he is being generous.!! He has a very generous pension, I have not.

Incidentally is there an easy way to find my own post? I found it by looking at the last day

"Teetime" I do not know if there are 5 more Mermaid LOL but I had to use a number before it would accept username

I can now add that my friend pays me £ 100 per month ....

Is there anything else that you would like to drip-feed us?

I'm with Riverwalk.

Mermaid6 look up above your original post and you will see the blue bar, click on 'I'm on' tab to find your posts.

If I were you I'd arrange to do something with another friend or an activity that doesn't involve him a couple of days a week, that way you get some time to yourself and cut down on the meals you have to supply. I'd find spending so much time and energy on one friend very overwhelming. Or just ask him for more money and tell him you are struggling.

I would scrub the lunches. 6 Evening meals are quite enough - surely he can make himself a sandwhich at his own place...?

sandwich!

Why does he need a 2course lunch, and a 2course dinner? Hollow legs?

Mermaid. You can find your thread on the 'I'm on' or 'last day', 'active' etc, but also you can choose to 'watch this thread' at the top of the thread (on desktop site) then find it under 'watched'

Your friend does seem to be taking advantage somewhat. I will just say beware of a controlling nature!

Thank you all so much for your interesting replies. He does have hollow legs in a way. Eats like a horse and still loses weight. Doctors recommendation that he eats as much and as fattening food as possible and he does, whereas I have put on 6 kg. since I started to feed him back 18 months ago. It is so hard to watch some one eat a lot of lovely things without digging in too. Not as strong willed as I would like to be on certain issues.
Not sure what else you would like me to spill !!! but all your recommendations are much appreciated and gives me food for thoughts. It is not that he can't make his own food, but he does not eat properly if he is alone, he hates being alone even for a few hours and feels very lonely, whereas I like my own company and space. He only lost his late wife 14 months ago, but she was in care 2 years prior to that.

Thank you for you instructions Shysal I am beginning to find my way around

Mermaid6, although your original post was all about lunches, dinners and how much it all cost you I am sensing that there is a much bigger question that needs addressing. I am not sure you really know what it is and you certainly have no idea of the answer.
I suspect its more about this 'friendship' and how you are trying to understand what nature this relationship really is. Reading between the lines I sense that you have both fallen into it and are not really sure what you wanted at the start or what you want it to be.
The only people that can answer that are you and he, and until you can talk about it honestly you are just going to be worrying about who is paying for what and that way bitterness and resentment lies.
You do need to talk and if he is touchy about certain things then you will just have to take that as a barrier he is putting up...and treat it accordingly. You both need to want the same thing but until you know what that is....you are just skirting around what is the real subject here....and that is....What sort of relationship is this?. Good luck.

It seems this friend is taking up just about all of your time, and it is you who is doing all the cooking !!.
I'd certainly drop the two courses all of the time. And of course there are all the little snacks/treats. I'd think £40 per week was getting off very lightly. Also have a few meals of scrambled eggs/toast, beans/toast, egg/chips. tin of soup and a sandwich.

What about if he was to provide a few meals throughout the week, at his home. That's if you want to still spend as much time with him.

However, you do say that you like your own space and (if it was me) I'd be inclined to be honest. Arrange to have a day/afternoon to yourself as and when you wish. Go see another friend, or make new friends. At the moment it sounds like he has you in a corner that contains just you and him..... and still he pressures to see you more.

I agree with previous posters, is this a platonic friendship, or is he looking for more.

And please forgive me if I overstep the mark here, but I hope he wouldn't be looking for a housekeeper/cook on the cheap.

" ....you are just skirting around what is the real subject here....and that is....What sort of relationship is this?.
You have hit a raw nerve here HildaW I did not realise it was so obvious in my post" but I honestly don't know myself, nor do I completely know what I really want.

The truth is he would marry me tomorrow, but there are far too many issues about him I can't accept in a partner, but try to tolerate as a companion. This all sounds very feeble and child like, but for me the situation is truly difficult and I suppose I in a way feel sorry for him.

I realise we need to have a serious talk to say the lease but I find it so very hard because he is so defensive and gets so easily hurt.

Coolgran65 No worries about any comments, I have after all asked for them, you may also be right. I am sure the whole set up is very convenient for him, but I do believe he cares greatly for me too.

Pleased that the posts are making you think carefully about your relationship, Mermaid6. Fine that he is kind and gentle, but you worryingly you also mentioned 'slightly controlling'.

Am no great expert in relationships - but anyone who is 'so defensive' will always be tricky to get to grips with. All very well to have a loved one who is a bit sensitive on a subject....we all have that....whether it be a spare tyre or a bald spot....but if someone regularly puts up barriers whenever any discussion gets serious then I think you will have an uphill task.
Hope the nerve I hit was not too painful, I just feel you are dealing with a lot more than you fully understand.

Doctors recommendation that he eats as much and as fattening food as possible and he does...

What doctors are these? Have you met them, or are you just relying on what he's telling you? It all seems very odd to me.