Living with someone who is depressed

Slightly off topic but some replies have included information on Vitamin B12. Some experts have found that some people diagnosed with depression have, in fact, a serious deficiency in Vitamin B12. There was an excellent article in the Daily Mail 11.7.17. These experts are calling on GP's to test for this B12 deficiency.

Is this an advert? I dont want any sex, thanks.

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Thanks so.much everybody for the birthday wishes . Everybody has been so kind and generous. Thank you Roger for all the information it is very useful. DP has started counselling but actually seems worse. Yesterday DP was niggling all day. At 11.30 last night he announced that he thought we should separate. I was so annoyed I just said right ok! I refused to have a serious discussion at that time of night and he has not spoken since . How can I make life changing decisions with someone who is mentally ill? I feel sorry for teenage DS who is upset by the situation and the way his father speaks to me .

seasider - a belated Happy 60th from me too. And I hope you can remain cheerful and not be pulled down by husband's low moods.

Bijou I'm not surprised your husband was depressed after his experiences and health problems.
My Dad was similar, he also loved golf.

My husband suffered bouts of depression all his life put down to experiences during the war when he was wounded in Normandy which caused progressive deafness. I had to be strong.. he was always happy walking in the countryside or playing golf.

Being clinically depressed is not the same as being down in the dumps. It is an all consuming condition and even the person who has it cannot explain why they are feeling that way. So sorry for both of you. It is sometimes triggered by a traumatic event in your life. The thing my doctor seemed to think triggered mine was the death of a loved one.

Make sure your OH takes his medicine because it is important. Hope you are both feeling better soon, although I know it can take years to actually feel you can face the world if you get it.

It is not a condition you can 'snap out' of. The problem being that it is to do with hormones etc.

Happy 60th. Not so bad was it! Think of it as starting a new chapter in your life.

Happy 60 th . for yesterday.

Having lived with my DH through several deep depression bouts which was finally diagnosed as Bi-Polar ( he was mis-diagnosed as having clinical depression for years!) I am in total sympathy with you.
It is very difficult & you never really know what each new day will bring.
Please do get some help for YOU. My doctor was excellent & I saw someone who specialised in people living with people with depression- it really helped me. I was offered a place at a group too but by then I felt I could cope. It was just good to know I wasn't alone & there was something out there for me to let off steam or have a good cry or whatever I needed to do.
Believe me there are so many people with these crippling illnesses & they all have people like us who are dealing & coping with it.
Talk to someone who is not personally involved & has seen it all before- it can only do you good.
Hugs!

BRredhead No one is saying that there aren't therapies that work but people don't offer cures for cancer in the way that so many do for depression, an illness that apparently everyone is an expert in.
People say 'you should exercise' as an accusation as if it is a cure all. It can make the problem worse. People with depression who are in a relationship are not looking for them to cure them. Read some of Alistair Campbell's articles about this.

Most interesting RogerG, I had blood tests results last week and among other problems I am very low in D and B12, I put feeling weary and weepy down to events happening , perhaps I was so wrong , thank you

There may be a physical or chemical reason for depression - and other illnesses

This often includes lack of Omega-3, Vitamin D, Vitamin B12 and exercise

I would like to suggest a course of action that you can take together with your partner - in the kitchen and outside in the open air

Omega-3
Eat an average of 2 grams of Omega-3 every day. For the first 3 months this can be up to 5 grams a day. Omega-3 comes from oily fish like salmon or mackerel, chia and flax seeds and a little from walnuts.

3 times a week I take 2 pieces of fresh salmon from the supermarket and squeeze a little lemon juice on top, plus a little salt and pepper. I microwave these for 1 minute for each piece. You will be amazed how soft and "buttery" this tastes, with broccoli, tomatoes and beetroot.

You could take a natural fish oil supplement. Try and avoid the tiny amounts from supplements made in a chemical factory, as you may need to take 20 capsules to total 2 grams and it is not as effective as natural fish oil. You have to read the label and calculate how much omega-3 you are taking. Go to a health food store and ask their advice about "natural fish oil" and how to take 2 grams a day. I like the "SanOmega" natural fish oil from Amazon

Here are some articles that may be of interest:
draxe.com/omega-3-foods/
www.greenvits.eu/blogs/news/88500611-what-to-do-about-depression
www.expertomega3.com/omega-3-studies
www.fatsoflife.com/

Vitamin D
There are many studies that show how depression is associated with low vitamin D. More importantly, there are studies that show how boosting vitamin D helps to treat depression.

You could ask you doctor to test your vitamin D and advise or prescribe supplements, or you could go to your local health food store and buy high strength vitamin D supplements.

Between October and March in the UK we cannot get ANY vitamin D from the sun, so we have to get it from food or supplements. Search online for "foods highest in vitamin D", but remember that milk in the UK is NOT fortified.

The European Food Safety Agency says that any adult can take 100 micrograms (4,000 IU) of vitamin D3 each day without advice from a doctor. Vitamin D lasts in your body for 30 days, so you could take a large amount once a week. Ask your doctor for capsules with 500 micrograms (20,000 IU) to take 1 a week as an equivalent to about 70 micrograms (3,000IU) a day. You can adjust the adjust the number you take - for example you could buy capsules of 5,000IU and take 4 a week. Ask your doctor about a "loading dose" to start things off.

There is a "Call-To-Action" from some eminent scientists that say vitamin D blood level is more important than how much you take. Download this document and show it to your doctor.

Learn more here:
www.vitamindwiki.com/Depression
vitaminduk.com/2015/01/24/depressed-and-sad/
grassrootshealth.net/
www.grassrootshealth.net/media/download/scientists_call_to_daction_020113.pdf
www.vitamindcouncil.org/healthconditions
articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2015/01/22/depression-causes.aspx

Vitamin B12
Increasing vitamin B12 can help overcome depression. This can come from foods like liver, sardines, tuna and cheese, or you can take a supplement.

Liver is a great source of Vitamin B12 and many other health-giving nutrients. As long as you are not vegetarians, try grilling a small piece of liver. I like it soft and rare, so I squeeze lemon on top with a little salt and pepper and grill it for 1 minute each side - delicious. Try this once a week ?

Learn more here:
draxe.com/top-10-vitamin-b12-foods/
articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2003/12/17/vitamin-b12-depression.aspx

Exercise
There is no doubt that modest exercise can help depression. That does not mean that you have to go to the gym. Lead your partner by the hand and take them for a brisk walk for 30-60 minutes and you will both come back refreshed

So here are some simple changes to diet and lifestyle that can make a tremendous difference to you and your partner

Let us all know what works for you
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Happy * 60th * Birthday Seasider XXXX

I have this problem with my grandaughter, she is 16 and has mental health issues, panic attacks,anxiety attacks and lack of confidence. She has had quite a few days off school because she can't face it. She is 16 and the next few weeks is taking her mock GCSEs again took the first lot in January. Don't think this is helping what with having enrichment after school, and studying as well it's ridiculous
This morning she was more settled and has gone off ok hope she gets through the day.
I really understand how you feel seasider it can be very draining.

Happy 60th seasider! Your OH is very lucky to have you by his side! Loads of love to youXxxx

I don't accept you can't do anything, although it is very difficult. I know someone who had a 12-week course of cognitive behaviour therapy online. He is now much better and more in control of his depression which I gather is unlikely to be 'cured' anytime soon.

Joining a family meal eaten out can seem exhausting when suffering depression, more so in the morning , that awful black cloud which can descend on waking is torture

radiclan That is a good point. Mornings are often worst.

I live with someone who has depression, me.

I get on my own nerves and resent the promises I make myself and the way I waste time and don't get around to doing stuff.........

It is such a crimer of the joy of life.

You could have changed that breakfast into brunch and gone later sometimes it is just a matter of timing............

Happy Birthday

It is very hard to live with someone with depression.

As well as the appropriate medication, try getting your OH to take plenty of exercise every day, especially walking in the open air in natural surroundings (if you live in a town this could be in parks and gardens) like countryside or along the coast.

Also, watch a funny film or TV series every day. Getting people to laugh is therapeutic.

While depression is often worst in the morning when cortisol and stress levels are highest, it is important not to remain inactive in bed. Getting up and getting going is by far the best approach.

It might seem a little odd but doing a physical job like Hooovering the house, ironing or cutting the grass is often helpful too.

Routines and rituals can be useful in preventing the sufferer from falling into a helpless and toxic inactivity even if they are only domestic and trivial actions.

Cooking is definitely a positive and satisfying activity which acn lift sufferers from a focus on themselves and their problems.

I know these work as they helped me when I had mild depression and high anxiety and they keep me on an even keel now I am much better. I know they cannot help those with serious depression but they might throw a bone to the 'black dog' to which many are prone.

Unfortunately you can't expect anything with someone with depression. I know from my own experience that people thinking that you should 'just do something' that they think simple or straightforward just feels like pressure as does the solutions that so many people feel they have.
All that people need is for you to be there and to sometimes give a bit of extra care. It is unfortunately a selfish condition as many mental health issues are but that is not intentional.
As others have said, go with your son and just tell your husband that he can join you if he is up to it (although it will be too late now).

Seasider first of all Happy Birthday. My late DH had depression for many years so I know how hard it is to live with some-one who cannot do things because the "black dog" gets in the way. My DH at times could not leave the house, I would carry on with my life as best I could, not always easy. One thing he did love was gardening so that helped, medication never seemed to work (he was too impatient, wanted immediate results) but CBT helped.

DH was never a "morning" person, I was often in our local Supermarket at 7.30. I tried to plan any outings for later in the day.

Seasider, does your partner have an interest in gardening? It may seem just to tiring but if one starts it can help

Happy 60 th birthday seasider!