Moving on

Definitely. His father left us when he was 5 and I remarried when he was 8 so he knows what the step-parent problem is. I'm sure he'll try to keep it as friendly as possible with his ex ... I'm still friendly with mine over 30 years on!

It might be that she's worried the new lady in his life with usurp her. I'm a stepmother and the children also have a stepfather. I know how difficult DH found it when the children talked about the things they did with the stepfather and I have no doubt their mum felt the same way about me. It's important that your DS and DIL remain on friendly terms for the sake of the children. Even though she was 'obnoxious' he needs to try to talk to her again. Much better that they can remain amicable than go through the courts.

I was in a hurry this morning but would just like to agree with Madgran. And, to reiterate that it is really easy to disrupt a good relationship - Nina has experience of that.

My niece was forced to leave her controlling husband but he got custody of their 8 year old son. My niece, unfairly, paid maintenance without a fight on the basis that, if she was co=operative, her ex would not stop her contact. Sadly, the boy always had something much more pressing to do on her contact days and she has not seen him for 18 months.

I'm not saying the DiL in this case is like that (it sounds entirely different) but it is not true to say that contact cannot be stopped without provocation.

Legally she may not be able to stop him seeing his children but there vare many ways to make it well nigh impossible ... and certainly from the experience of a friend of mine, the courts can make some odd decisions ...I agree with what kittylester said ...tread carefully. A further conversation seems sensible ....and maybe you could help with that as you have maintained a relationship with her ...not in any judgemental way but maybe over coffee, asking her gently how she is and how she feels about your son's new relationship ...and take it from there according to her answer. However that suggestion depends entirely on the nature of your relationship with her.

What kitty said. As our family know from bitter experience.

I don't think that, even if he continues to behave impeccably, it is correct to say that the ex dil will not be able to stop contact.

I would just tread carefully and hope things calm down.

I agree with Smileless2012 "You say your son has had regular weekend visits with his children and although his ex may try and make these visits more difficult, she can't stop him from seeing his children. The son of one of my friends found himself in similar position, his ex making his son unavailable for planned visits, but after a few court appearances, she changed her tune."

Don't worry, she can't stop DSs visits with his children, without provocation. If he continues dutifully paying and keeps up his visit schedule she would have no grounds.

Can I say, i look at this from a different angle. I brought a long standing marriage to an end but it wasn't something i wanted, i had no choice. Just because it was me that made the decision, doesn't mean that i didn't feel sad, jealous, even hurt, when my former husband moved on.
Could you give her the benefit of the doubt if, so far, she's been reasonable. Perhaps her comments were unnecessary but maybe she now regrets what she said. I know I've certainly said things i wish i hadn't. See if things settle back down

I don't have any personal experience of this situation PatB. Maybe her reaction is due to jealousy or the 'I don't want you but don't want anyone else to have you' mentality.

You say your son has had regular weekend visits with his children and although his ex may try and make these visits more difficult, she can't stop him from seeing his children. The son of one of my friends found himself in similar position, his ex making his son unavailable for planned visits, but after a few court appearances, she changed her tune.

I hope your son is worrying unnecessarily and that everything will work out.