Grandchild envy?

I remember working with an older lady who had 4 grandchildren in New Zealand. If you ever got into a conversation with her you knew there would be a blow by blow description of what each one was up to - Brownie badges, sports, school subjects the lot , accompanied with photos. That was a real granny bore, but looking back I guess she was just a proud gran. I take her as a role model in what not to do. Only discuss GC when asked, and even then not too much information about everyday stuff.

Agree with nota an. People change for all sorts of reasons. And it's not that those of us without grandchildren want our friends to pretend that their grandchildren haven't happened, it just that we would like them to still be interested in other things?

It's not jealousy OP (probably), it's just change
Some people resent it when their friends change
Same thing happens if you get divorced or meet a new partner or lose a lot of weight….

I doubt there is any envy, but I think it's always wise to keep ones matters private and not bore others.

When I had my first baby, I wasn't the first in my group but I was in the first 1/3, and I was REALLY self conscious of not being a baby bore to the point where I tried not to change at all… which just made me miserable. A new family member DOES change you and you shouldn't fight it.

Lots of life events change you, friends who've got really into fitness have changed, friends who started their own businesses changed, friends who had major career changes changed, friends who did big moves changed, friends who had bereavements change….

Real friends go with the changes, the ones who just want you to maintain the dynamic in your group aren't real friends anyway

All that said, be wary of calling them "jealous" - It may well be the opposite! it's a big smug to assume that everyone who isn't in the gran-to-be bubble with you is backing off because they want what you have.. there could be all kinds of reasons, including feeling like they never got to complete their own families and are not ready to be in the grandparent gang IYKWIM

Elizabeth is right. Many women haven't married, don't have child and not by choice. I keep my mouth shut until I know their circumstances, it is cruel to display ones good luck at having families.

You've hit the nail. Chat to other grandparents about it all, don't bother sharing with the rest.

I had one friend who talked about her many grandchildren all the time and found it a bit insensitive since I had none at the time. Now I try not to talk much about mine to people who don't have any in case they are feeling sad about it,

My best friend has no grandchildren and no prospect of any. I try and respect this and talk very little about my grandchildren to her. I have another friend who is blessed with grandchildren, so we natter to our hearts content about them.

I was a seriously mature and decidedly reluctant person before GPing was foisted upon me. I'm now overwhelmed with joy beyond comprehension. Don't ask! It just happened. Have to say I wasn't the most enthusiastic prospective P either. What one does for a lovely man..... However that too turned into a wonderful and ongoing experience. Maybe I'm just slow to boil on anything??????

As a new GP, I was once asked (politeness I think) by a lady with no children if I had any photos of the new arrival. I said 'only one as it would be so easy to bore people'. Her automatic response of 'thank goodness' I will never forget. We made eye contact - she embarrassed: I amused and the pair of us laughed happily. Incidentally, I only ever produce this regularly updated photograph if specifically asked. I work very hard at this because I genuinely recognise even good friends' have disinterest in this element of my life.

On another occasion I was complaining a little to a friend about how seldom I saw the GC when she commented 'what I would give to be in your shoes'. She has four C with no GC. Thoughtless of me indeed. I think people are more 'a little envious' rather than 'jealous'

Let's face it being a GP or not lies completely outwith our control. I'm just so happy and grateful it eventually came my way. Hallelujah!

I have three sons - two in their early forties and one in his late thirties. They all have wives / partners. I became a grandparent for the first time only last year.

For many years now my friends have been talking about their grandchildren - what they were doing, what they got up to, etc. I can honestly say I never felt one moment of envy. In fact I would actively enjoy hearing about them - well, up to a point. Sometimes, however, I'd have to 'tune out' some conversations because it was just too much on one subject.

I hope I haven't become that person now that I am a Gran.

Only you can tell whether or not you're too over enthusiastic. Having said that, you've come to the right place to talk about your new grandchild. As a new grandparent myself, I've found Gransnet to be very helpful and sometimes very funny. My spirits have been lifted several times reading other people's posts.

Congratulations to you and yours and I hope you find lots of joy with the new little one.

Sorry wrong thread

In your grandparenting years you are there for love and support not for being THE PARENT.

To be a great grandparent- being supportive and also being respectful of boundaries, you must make sure that in your parenting years you are not absent in your own children's lives. Work too much, socialise too often, that you don't really have time for your kids. What I've noticed is that these parents, who become grandparents are ridiculously overbearing. They tend to try and make up for what they lost through their children. So they interfere. So to parents...be parents in the now not in the grandparenting years.

It's a wonderful life changing feeling. Go with it enjoy it and don't worry about anyone else. I'm one of 1 amongst my friends that have a grandchild. They all are fabulous about my enthusiasm... and I'm
Always the first to say yes to a night out. I haven't lost my identity, just gained another person to love.

Sorry about all the typos! Didn't check properly.

It's very difficult to not go on and on abput grandchildren when you are besotted with them as most of us are. I do try not to say too much in front of friends with no grandchildren or with estranged ones, but I sometimes forget! I think it can be upsetting as well as redious for others ifthey long for grandchildren or to see the ones they've got.
I have a friend who until recently had no grandchildren and no prospect of them. Last year her DiL got pregnant at last and she is over the moon and always showing me pictures of her baby grandson. I had to laugh to myself last week when she showed me photos she'd been sent on Mothers Day and remarked what an exceptionally beautiful child he is - could be a model she said!he was a perfectly normal looking baby sitting up and smiling in a cute way, but nothing exceptional! On the otherhand my own grandchildren ate of course all wxceptionally good looking.....!

It is not jealousy, it is just lack of interest. Jayanna's comparison with accounts of every minute of someone's long and boring holiday is very apt. If you had been to the same holiday area previously you would be asking "Did you go to XXXX?" and "What did you think of the fabulous food?" and "We were there in July, when the XXXXX was on." and so on, but if you didn't a little goes a long way.

It is the same with grandchildren. When you have one to compare, it all becomes much more pleasurable to chat about.

I think there is some jealousy among new grandparents. All the grandchildren can't be born on the same day, so some are going to "join the club" earlier than others.

Among my eligible friends, only one has a granddaughter (who is a month older than my grandson). Many other friends have children who are married and/or in their 30s and have no children yet. I suspect they envy us our DGC, even though ours are miles away, and one is on another continent.

Any feelings of jealousy I may have towards other grandparents, I temper down to friendly rivalry, and am genuinely interested in how the other kids are doing.

I make a point of not mentioning my GC to my good friend who has one D who is single and looks destined to stay that way.
She does ask and I keep it brief, she will then remark something like "lovely" or "oh, bless them" and swiftly change the subject. Not sure if this is jealousy or boredom

Why assume that jealousy is at the root of disinterest, not everybody feels the same way about thing ...or feels anything at all.

People don't have motives for everything sometimes they just have other stuff going on which they prefer.

I can speak as gran to the very best grandchidren in all the world, and so you can take what I say as absolute gospel, when I talk to friends I don't assume they are jealous of anything, we are just being the people we used to be before those kids happened along.

Before my GS arrived I thought all GP enthusiasm for theirs was crazy. They had had kids & what was all the fuss about?
When my GS arrived I think I became even worse than my friends at telling everyone how wonderful he was. Now my GD is here I go on about her too much to.
So dont worry, all those who are bored by you now will discover as I did that their GC are the greatest in the world, something most of us think about ours!

Its difficult to imagine being a granny before you are one and I am sure a lot of people don't feel old enough and have no interest, although one of my friends insisted she was not bothered at all and now we can sit for a couple of hours with me not getting in a word edgeways whilst she tells me all about her new grandchild, may be getting her own back!

Dear Treehugger, you think you are mindful not to be granny- to-be bore but you probably are. It's ok. We all do it about something we are over the moon about whether it's grandchild, travel in another country, a film we've seen or a new lover!
When my friends started being grannies I genuinely felt I had lost them because no matter the conversation it always came back to grandchildren. But they didn't know they were doing it.
If your friends seem uninterested or bored it's because they are. Sorry. A tip (and I try to apply this to my travels - "when I was in ......" Uhoh turning into travel bore) is to secretly put up the finger of one hand every time you mention the subject or even think of mentioning it. When you have all five fingers up that's too much!
That's if you want to keep your friends. You may prefer just to mix with other grannies

No I haven't experienced it myself, but up until my first grandchild being born, I had no interest in anyone telling me about their grandchildren. I wasn't jealous, I just had no interest whatsoever. I wasn't one of those mothers who couldn't wait for their offspring to produce. But how things change once you get a Grandchild, you have never experienced a love like it. Just ignore their disinterest, once you have that little bundle in your arms you wont give them a thought.