Grandchild envy?

I don't think I know any besotted gps. Going just a bit too far round the bend.

I agree notanan and I wonder if there isn't some sort of undercurrent from the past when women were only valued for the children they could produce

True! I know as many besotted adoring grandfathers as grandmothers, but if you whipped out a wallet photo book and a man was monosyllabic about it and looking over your shoulder for an escape, would people assume that he's just sad and jealous because he doesn't have the special gift that is your life?

Also.. this is a grandchild to be . I mean there's very little to say about the actual child yet. If I was the OPs mate I'ld be interested in how her daughter was feeling and if she was having an okay pregnancy.. but would be a bit if she was only talking about the child that's not even born yet!

Norah I LOVE Christmas round robbins and wish I got more of them! Sure, I laugh at them not with them….

Petra, such a brilliant comparison. I also think in terms of boring holiday snaps. Or even (gag) Christmas newsies.

Before I had GC I put other people's GC in the same place as other people's holiday snaps

I see you have put my daughter is expecting 'my first grandchild' rather than ' my daughter is expecting her first child ' so just gently saying maybe you are inadvertently making it a little bit about you, try not to take offence & maybe curtail your understandable excitement for awhile .

I agree notanan and I wonder if there isn't some sort of undercurrent from the past when women were only valued for the children they could produce. So women who chose or happened not to have children were regarded as inferior.

When I had my DCs I hated the mums who could never discuss anything except their wonderful child's achievements it was boring then and only talking about GCs is equally boring.

Yup, also, assuming that non GPs are jealous of GPs-to-be is the equivalent of a new mum assuming that all child-free women are barren and desperate for a baby.

I love my GCs to bits but I don't regard them as the centre of the universe and I do spend a lot of time talking about other things that interest me. When I had my DCs I hated the mums who could never discuss anything except their wonderful child's achievements it was boring then and only talking about GCs is equally boring.

Try very hard not to boast about your grandchildren. I have one friend who talks about how much her grandsons love her and are always wanting to come and stay even though they are in their twenties. She says they tell her their happiest times were always when they stayed with her. She says they email and call her but I know she is always sending them money. I have heard this so many times I feel sick when she starts it again. I also have grandchildren whom I love but never try to compete or join in.

I met a smallmgroup of old school friends for lunch a while back. We were in our sixties. Some of us had not met for many years. One " girl" who actually turned out to have quite a lot of grandchildren told the whole group, soon after we had settled down, that "photos of other people's grandchildren are very boring" Needless to say no-one had the nerve to produce any!

Can see where you're coming from maw. People are so different. Have just returned from visiting my husband 2 brothers at least a 500 mile round trip. One brother and his wife have had longstanding, and sadly now rapidly deteriorating, significant health issues to cope with but were keen to know about all about us, our family, each of our children and all the grandchildren too. They asked about everyone and we enjoyed hearing about their family and seeing photos too. The other brother and his wife have ongoing caring responsibilities for her dad but they weren't interested at all in our lives or our family and to be honest never are really so I didn't tell them any of our family news. Any enquiries about their children don't go far either. Sadly it seems that some people just haven't got the capacity to look outside of themselves.

Jayanna You are right. Having someone talk non-stop about ANYTHING is boring, and to assume that not wanting to hear about every breath a grandchild takes is all about being envious is to be incredibly self-congratulatory and patronising. It is nice to hear that a new life has been added to a family and if the hearer has grandchildren of a parallel age, to compare notes, but it is not the all-enveloping interest to everyone that it is to the fond granny, no more than the spec of the new car or the nine hundred holiday photos.

I think this is it, suzied. Don't talk about anything that's divisive or not of general interest.

My GC and GGC are so boring to anyone but us and our daughters. No to boring.

No I don't don't avoid talking about my GC because of pity ... It's because I know some people would be bored rigid! ( I've been on that side of the dialogue) What's wrong with that? I also avoid talking about ... Politics, religion, me, me , me etc.

Ah well, probably have to butt out of Gransnet now because am about to commit cardinal sin of offending grannies but it's that air of condescension and patronage that is so very trying. Someone sitting there thinking I won't talk about my grandchildren because this poor person does not have this wonderful joy in their lives. I am so much more fortunate so I must be very, very kind and understanding because their life is obviously poorer and less worth living than mine. (Smiles sadly but sympathetically and pats hand when mention of grandchildren occurs)
Of course your grandchildren are a joy to you, but to me they're just a mild and passing interest. That's why I don't want to talk about them all the time. Why would I envy you your grandchildren. It would be my own grandchildren I wanted.
When I refrain from going on about my travels (I hope) it's not because I pity you and assume you will be envious, it's because I know its not that interesting for you. Same with operations, cooking, the route to Swindon,...l.

I think envy is too strong, disinterest is more likely. I consider myself very fortunate to have become a Grandma. It is not a given in this life and I am mindful that others may never have this joy. I try not to gush in the presence of non GPs for that reason.

I came rather late to granny-hood, and I was never desperate for grandchildren - if it happened, lovely, if not, never mind.
I will admit to being bored over many years by friends and colleagues blathering about their Gdcs, and insisting on showing me umpteen photos. I would do my best to look interested and make the right noises, though.
I certainly wasn't jealous.
I have one ex colleague with whom I do talk about my 2 lovely Gdcs now and then, but then she came to it rather late, too, and since we both have one of each of very similar ages, we have a lot in common.

I agree with W11girl on boring rigid. I don't mention any of my GC or GGC, waiting to be asked instead, because people don't want to be bored.

Greyduster our experiences are similar to yours, I am aware when talking about my grandchildren to keep it brief and our two were unexpected as my daughter was very career orientated, she is now, for the moment a stay at home mum, which I never expected her to be.

I am not a grandmother but quite a number of my friends are, I personally don't think about it one way or another. My friends mention something their grandchildren may have done and I listen with interest, but one of these friends goes on and on about her grandchild...which bores me rigid! Nothing to do with jealousy or anything else. I just wish she would talk about something else now and then.

Haha Mawbroon had almost the same experience as you but in reverse. The two friends I met with only talked about grandchildren and I too felt that my life held no interest to them and was of no consequence. Was also slightly put out when one of them paused for breath, patted my arm and said "Never mind."

Many of our friends became grandparents before us and I was always polite enough to listen to them when they talked, as is natural, enthusiastically about all their doings. I wasn't bored - I must confess I was envious because I never thought it would happen for us. We also have friends who either have no grandchildren or no children and no interest in either, and when I talk to them I am usually led by them. If they ask after him, I have to curb the instinct to rattle on endlessly, and keep it brief!! A good chunk of our life revolves around him now so he can't be skirted round altogether. Treehugger I'm sure you will find the right level, as most of us do, to relay to your friends and acquaintances the enormous joy of being a grandparent without boring any info them!?

I think we are looking at extremes though don't you?
I was brought up to ask other people about themselves and to take an interest (even if feigned!) in their lives in a conversation. Surely it is not unreasonable to expect the same courtesy from others?
Becoming a grandparent is like becoming a parent or getting married/planning a wedding of course there is the potential to obsess about it. It is easy to spot in others. We just try not to fall into that trap.
(I'd rather hear about DGCs than have to listen to people banging on about certain other issues!)

I recently had lunch with a friend and her friend who I'd met a few times long ago. The friend of the friend talked, almost non-stop, about her children and grandchildren - she barely stopped for breath, never mind to eat.

Some people have no idea that apart from usual politeness and pleasantries their children and GC are of no real interest to others!

Last summer I had what will be my last lunch out with 3 former teaching colleagues, I would have said "friends". Only 1 is no longer teaching having taken early retirement. I retired 6 years before.
They talked non stop about their holidays, elderly parents, work. Fair enough. But they know our situation with DH's health (and they know him) and did not ONCE even ask after him. They knew DD2 had had a baby 2 months before - did anybody ask about her or the baby?
So I came to the conclusion that when you no longer have things in common the time has come to move on. People who do not understand the things that are central to your life (whether it is grandchildren, dogs, partner whatever) will, if you are lucky, take a polite interest. It made me feel I must be a totally boring person and that my life as it is now, was of no consequence .
Do I bore for Britain about my DGCs or DH's issues - maybe it was a lesson to me but not a comfortable one.
So, long story short, not necessarily jealousy, but self-centredness and selfishness on their part.