How To Heal From Estrangement

I feel for you, too, Vintageanna. But as pps have said, it is still early days for you, very early. Do you know what triggered this situation? Could it just be temporary becuase ds (dear son) and dil were focusing on their little girl? Knowing what led to this might help you know how to begin to fix it.

Meanwhile, I'm sorry gd was ill and hope the surgery was successful. Saying a prayer for her.

(((Hugs)))

Vintage Anna so verynsorry ? Not good Pretending there is easy way to cope but very early days for you let's pray it gets sorted.

Sadly 8 years for me so I get better at dealing with heartache but Itnever goes away, I too still panic and used to wake up at night still do sometimes in sheer terror or dying without seeing my daughter again, and that seems to be likely so I kinda accept it now,

Vinta I'm very sorry for your situation, it has only been 4mths, so at this early stage do everything in your power to get back in with your Son and therefore to see your darling GC. I have been estranged for 4.5yrs, I did do everything I could to rectify the situation, but in my case nothing worked. It was my nasty s.i.l & his mother's evil work that got me cut out of my once beloved D & my GC. He is stepdad to my GD and he & his mother were jealous of our love for each other. You haven't mentioned your d.i.l, where is she in all this? It is normally the partner that is behind the cutting out!

I wish you good luck in your efforts to get back with your S&GC, let us know what happens.

I feel for all the ladies on here. Life can be very cruel.

I haven't spoken to my son for 4 months and have not been allowed to see my beautiful grandchild who has recently had major life saving surgery. Its her 1st birthday soon, I shall send a card and present. I feel dreadful! I'm finding it increasingly hard to cope with the loss. I too am now suffering from bouts of sheer panic where I feel I want to just run away. I'm having counselling to try and accept the situation and I am trying hard to keep myself busy to take my mind off it. But it is so hard! I never thought I'd be in this situation.

I just pray in time ladies things will get better for us all. Big hugs x

Well done SPF. A little time out always helps the spirit, imo.

celeb I do feel for you

celebgran I have replied on 'our' page.

Yogagirl it's soooo damnhard, I will be thinking of you.

Myndear little xxxxxxx will be 9 on 8th June Election Day,

I have a card, which I will send and o doubt a gift card as the other 2 we don't even know birthdays or ages, it is heartbreaking and doesn't get less painful i kinds go into panic when I think of all I have lost.

I was fit and healthy when xxxxxxx was born nine years ago now I can hardly walk or stand it's doubly sad,

Thank you for your support and thoughts. Yes it is a very sad situation I find myself in but I have to have hope that one day my son will see sense. I am grateful for this forum.

Just realised I've posted my above on the wrong thread, so I'll copy & paste. That's the problem with having so many threads on the same subject

5days till my beloved little GD Birthday, she will be 7yrs old, I last saw her when she was 2.5yrs, she was so bright, so articulate, so funny, so loving, I hope all of these things she still is, but I fear that with mental abuse [tried to think of another name than abuse].... Because my GS was slow, they blamed my GD, saying that because she was so quick with everything it made him slow in my book it's the opposite, a bright older sibling will pull up the younger one. My family were so shocked when I suddenly started counting up to 20 when I was a tiny tot, taught by my older sister

Just watched Horizon about people who have a mental problem like sycosis, trying to get a handle on my s.i.l, but he is not like them in the film, he doesn't hear voices [as far as I know], so I think he is a paranoid narsist and maybe not what I have always said, which is a narsistic paranoid schizophrenic, all down to his drug taking!

Madeleine McCann has been gone 10yrs today! I have her hard back book sitting by my bed, bought & read it years ago, when it first came out, don't know why I have left it there, but I look at that little girls face and I do think, if God won't answer her parents prayers to have her returned to them after all this time, how is he going to answer mine

Well done SPF that's a huge step forward and gives you something to build on. This is such a traumatic thing to go through, we all need as much support, kindness and understanding that we can get. Thank goodness there's plenty to be found here.

Take care.

Marvellous sjp that you were able to get contact order.

I would have loved to do that, my dh couldn't face going to court, part of him refuses to accept our daughter could do this to us And he kept hoping it would change. Sadly it didn't and we not even allowed a photo of xxxxxxsknce she was 9 months old, crueo does t cover it,

Interesting yet too common problem today. I agree with this sense of entitlement that the 30 somethings seem to feel they have. I have been at the mercy of my son's ex partner and my continuing contact eith his children. Whilst he is fairly supportive he is hampered by also gaving to toe the line, The slightest inconvenience or wrong word can lead to her threatening to stop his contact despite a court order being in place. I fought tooth and nail to maintain contact which included getting a court order but having to negotiate every visit was wearing and in the end made me ill,

So what did I learn from this experience? I decided to keep out of the emotional scrum but stand firm on the contact and behaviours around contact. I now see the children 3 times a year and for the last 2 contacts Mum has not been there and its been far more relaxed and I am becoming friendlier with the maternal grandparents as a result. My son also shares this time. I write to the children regularly and concentrate now on my own well being first and foremost. I lead a full life with my husband and life is much better now.

SPF, well done, every day getting stronger. You have made a new beginning.
Pennie, so very sorry you are being subjected to such treatment, when you are the one needing support without your husband. Perhaps, by sticking to your guns and not being blackmailed for money, your daughter will come to realise just how much she had taken from you and miss you as a loving mother, your grandson must be missing you to. Meanwhile you come on the forums for support, some might only need it for a while and become reconciled, others unfortunately it almost becomes a part of life that we deal with as best we can.
We are all here for you.

Well done Sugarpuff

Sorry for your tears Celebgran I get the same moments of wanting to break down and cry too

Smileless - I know that a lot of the ladies are going though about the same as me and it is so kind that they and you have time and kindness to help me. I really do appreciate it. I have done quite well today. Been out and about, doing a little speedy driving, going into shops on my own and generally getting about. It may not sound much but it is an achievement in my world.
SPF

Well get used to the kind treatment SPF there's plenty to be found here and we're more than happy to oblige.

Thanks everyone for all the support. I am not used to kind treatment so I get a bit overcome. It is lovely to have friends here. I am here for any if you too. Thanks ladies
SPF

Yogagirl your are slowly healing ?❤️❤️ So pleased.
It will always hurt us only last night I shed few tears dh was out and I suddenly made myself cry wishing I could see m ed and tell her things then I get reality check she doesn't care,

However good days outnumber bad and that's how I pray you will be too,

Sorry friends even

Pennie so sorry for your awful situation

It never get's easier does it, 4.5rs and I still grieve every single day & think of them most of the time, but thankfully, unlike at the beginning, I can now enjoy a tv programme, the radio, a night out with fiends, my holidays & yoga retreats and a decent nights sleep, albeit with 'Kalms nights' all of this was impossible in the first few years God Bless all

Penniedj??omg that's just awful

*PennieThat's one of the worse and most brazen things I've come across regarding 'reasons' for estrangement; I'm so sorry.

PennieDJ My heart goes out to you