does anyone else get so, so angry with their OH, but then the anger disappears?

I went into hospital last week for an operation on my back, DH collected me from hospital, brought me home, I had to hobble into the house by myself, pick up the suitcase that had been dumped in the hall, sort myself out, and finally get into the living room where he'd made a cup of tea, set some biscuits on a tray, and put a teddy bear on the seat next to me, he's selfish, irresponsible, arrogant and I adore him, we've been together 20 years, and he's made a cup of tea twice, but he adores me, and me him! He'll surprise me with holidays, little chocolates and will cook occasionally, the good outweighs the bad, and I wouldn't change him for the world.

Willsmadgransorry for your loss.

I hope your husband is well on the road to recovery Merlotgran. Mr. S. spent the day in hospital a couple of years ago with a suspected heart attack, thankfully all was well and it was a bad stress attack. I can still remember how terrified I was that I might lose him.

I think it's quite normal to feel angry with our partners from time to time maisiegreen and when we know we're over reacting we keep it to ourselves and wait for it to pass. Mr. S. can be extremely aggravating at times and I don't doubt for one moment that he finds me aggravating at times too.

Oh maisiegreen you have stimulated discussion, but "let it go"

g.co/kgs/bCAS96

Less so as time rolls on. Annoyances go two ways I know I'm far from perfect, we row less now than we ever did and sometimes those occur from crossed wires, it does irk me when he swears blind I said something, or alternatively didn't say something, when I know otherwise, sometimes it's better to let small things go.

After a lifetime ( well since 1966) together we have had some fantastic highs and dreadful lows..when we have lived apart for a time BUT having both made a conscious choice to be together, when we almost were not. When I see DH do all those daily irritations, that inevitably occur when you share a life, I match them.to one of mine actions/inactions that I know annoy him. It is quite sobering! Yes we still row bur making up is so sweet.

maisiegreen I recognise what you're saying. My DH drives me nuts with his untidiness and the fact that you can bet your life when the floor has been washed or vacced he'll march in leaving mud all over the show. There are times I could SCREAM!
Yet on the other hand he is very kind and caring and when I've calmed down I make myself think which are the most important attributes. Well, it's a no brainer and after 46 years I'm still learning to curb my tongue and think of the positives however frustrating it all might be. Perhaps I frustrate him sometimes as well??? Surely not

jane

maisie you should have trained him properly 40 years ago. Bare in mind he doesnt ask you to print photo's or pick up up book's, those are your idea's.
I was married to a vile man who i divorced and i am now married to the most wonderful man who didnt even think of bringing me flowers when i was in hospital but would give me the world if i asked for it. Count you blessings and ask yourself what do i do that makes him want to " cut and run"

Confession time. I make lousy tea, because I seldom have to. DH is in charge of all hot beverages, and nearly all the cooking.

I do do other stuff though, honest!

I always say we're a great TEAM ,we each have differnt tasks and roles but everything gets done eventually without any arguements,nagging or threats of leaving.He doesn't "do" housework,shopping,looking after grandchildren..I dont wash the car,do the garden or decorate ...and we decorate a lot.He also puts more hours in at work nowadays than me because of the childcare .What suits us might not suit everyone but it has worked for over 42 years .My husband never buys birthday cards or flowers and I'd rather buy my own things anyway than have presents ..christmas is always a variation on a theme perfume ,cookery book ,nice wine or cognac .Its marriage as we know it.

I hate to admit this, but I can't make dh coffee in our coffee machine!
kitty you should be ashamed of yourself. What kind of wife are you?

ps remind me not to buy one of those new-fangled machines

maisie
Your DH sounds quite normal.
You don't.

In a word, no. I love him. He loves me. I am very, very grateful for such a fantastic person in my life. I don't deserve him. ?

I hate ro admit this, but I can't make dh coffee in our coffee machine!

He offered me a bit of his Easter egg but I wouldn't eat it on principle (besides which, I had just eaten my breakfast!).

What comes first, your DH or your Nespresso machine
difficult choice

I imagine the coffee is just a symptom of the problems you see with your husband. Sometimes our partners are irritating and sometimes we are. Often it passes and other times it seems like a big problem. Think you have to pick your battles and confront the things which bother you most. Talk to your husband you may be surprised he is not aware it is a problem.
As another poster said he probably does caring things which you take for granted. Don't walk out over this you can work it out together I'm sure

And ate them both, I hope!! (returning the favour of course)

Is this thread for real?

My DH is so thoughtful that he never buys me an Easter Egg because I could complain that chocolate is fattening.

I bought my own (and one for him)

oh, where is my post?

I expect dh to do his half of the housework, cooking, shopping, paperwork, garden work, he does. He expects me to do my bit also, I do without complaint

We don't divide our tasks half and half but I think we each do a fair share quite amicably.
He has not really been introduced to the vacuum cleaner and I am scarcely on speaking terms with the lawnmower but it seems to work out fairly well.

Maybe maisiegreen's question is not so much about her DH being normal as about herself and her reactions to him being normal?

Have you explained to him the sort of thoughtful actions you'd like, maisie?

Or maybe you need more in your own life to interest you so that small annoyances don't bother you so much.

Sounds like the coffee machine has highlighted an undercurrent of slight discontent that your husband doesn't notice how loving & thoughtful you are towards him.so before heading for the door(which you may well regret) give him some direction (yes I know we shouldn't have to !! but sadly we do) just tell him straight !! example ' I'm off for a relaxing bath dear , you are in charge of sorting out tonight's meal , & I don't care how you do it but just do it!! good luck sad to say but true many men just need it spelling out to them ?

Is it possible that he does all sorts of other things that are really helpful but are taken for granted? For instance DH is responsible for all rubbish bins etc, does the cats litter tray and food bowls, anything to do with cars, insurances etc. He looked after me very well and without a quibble for ages after my knee op. I look at what he does rather than what he says.

Normal! Certainly for men of a certain generation. Mine is the same! I do notice that both my son and son in law are much more clued up and they both cook, clean, shop and even iron! When I had to have an operation a few years ago, I had to show hubby which one was the washing machine and which one was the drier ! In fairness, however, I don't have a clue about anything car related, so that's his department. Yes, it's infuriating sometimes, but I'm sure I irritate the hell out of him too!

I do not find his behaviour normal, nor should you cut and run. Why not sit down and divide tasks.

I expect dh to do his half of the housework, cooking, shopping, paperwork, garden work, he does. He expects me to do my bit also, I do without complaint (except to deal to trades this week).

Of course I am aware that there are poster on here whose DHs have very serious illnesses/disabilities or have died but that's not a reason not to discuss what are reasonable expectations of one's healthy, fully functioning DH. I am constantly amazed on threads like this how many women seem to have allowed situations to develop where the men ( healthy) are simply not pulling their weight and those who say 'he's a man, what do you expect?'. Well in this house we both expect that each will be fair, loving and respectful towards the other and that includes our both doing our fair share of running the home and the rest of our lives.