Is blood thicker than water.?

I don't think blood is thicker than water. I have a Stepdad and a biological father. The latter walked away when I was 4, had little to do with us apart from a few meetings when I was a teenager and then nothing until I hit my late 40's. My Stepdad brought me up from the age of 7 and then met a woman who didn't want him to be involved with us any more as she had 2 children of our own as we were "nothing to do with him." Regrettably, he chose to grab the chance of happiness with this woman so we didn't see him much for a fair few years. Now he too is back on the scene. As much as I want a relationship with my real father, it is my Stepdad who I feel more comfortable with and is more important to me. I can't explain why I feel like that but it is just the way it is. Blood is definitely not thicker than water as far as I am concerned.

You've made some very good points here. Yes, we must learn to rub along with others and family is a good place to start.
My dad was a 'problem person' and it wasn't only family who found him difficult to deal with due to his very argumentative ways.
I see little of my two brothers but have a twin sister with whom I've little in common (chalk and cheese) but we see each other twice a week.
And obviously we choose our friends because of a common thread.

I wish it was, it would make things so much simpler.

I used to worry that the family problems we have were unique but having been on here a few months now, I see that they are not.

Nowt as queer as folk so thay say, and they'd be right.

As an only child, I always longed for siblings, and vowed I would never have an only child myself.

So it is a huge heartbreak to me that my three children don't get along well. The two boys still live at home with us and rarely interact. I insist on us all having dinner at the table together, and that's about the only time they talk together.

My daughter lives independently with her daughter and when they are here there is precious little interaction between the siblings.

They are just three very different personalities, who have different likes, interests, and lifestyles. They just don't have much in common.

I have tried very hard to bring them together, but I have realised that just as you can't force outside friendships, you can't force sibling friendships either.

My husband has no contact with his two sisters. When one of them lost her son she sent the police to our house to tell us. My husband decided to contact her under the circumstances, and he arranged the funeral, and paid for it. Then she did something awful. She contacted my daughter's boss and said dreadful things about her. She didn't even know my daughter, not having seen her since she was three. Nasty letters were then sent, so we cut off all contact and will never speak to her again. I hate her for the way she's hurt my husband and daughter for no reason.

I wonder if one reason for the increasing number of family rifts is because we have the choice now, whether to stay together, or split up. More money about so people can find their own place, far from those who get on their nerves.
Whereas previously most people were stuck together in one house, or one village, and had to make the best of it.
They were more dependent on eachother financially too.

Smileless - I agree mostly with what you say, but I am (at this moment) trying to find a way to 'reach' my daughter (in USA) as she has'cut me off' for months now - all very well, but it's the grandchildren I miss. I can hardly bear it. I cannot believe that I have raised a daughter who can treat me so coldly especially as I have absolutely no idea what I'm supposed to have 'done'... I'm clutching at straws, for instance asking if a friend might try writing to her on my behalf.
I was very struck by your words about your son - that he's cruel and emotionally abusive... my word, they really did strike a chord. But again, it's the grandchildren I miss..... heartbreaking to say the least. I know a lot of people in my siutation, so I think the answer is - No, blood is NOT thicker than water.....
Oh, and PS - my son won't speak to me either....... is it me???

Excellent point MOnica. If people can't negotiate the trials and tribulations within family relationships, how will they be able to cope with friendships, workplace relationships and the myriad of 'relationships' we all face during our life time.

My personal experience starbird is no, blood isn't thicker than water and I've never felt that it should be. Abusive and/or toxic behaviour is unacceptable regardless of where it comes from. We raised our boys to be respectful and tolerant of everyone, not just us as their parents or other family members.

And no, I don't think that "we should struggle to stay close to our families, especially our children, if it seems obvious that they have no time or respect for us". Sometimes people still say to me about our ES 'but he's your son!!', yes he is and we love him but he's cruel and emotionally abusive so we have taken him at his word that we are no longer a part of his life and walked away.

I sometimes think that family relationships are practice for relationships outside the family.

We learn to rub along with people of all personalities within the family because of the link of blood and propinquity and that gives us the skills to rub along with people with whom we have no ties.

Obviously this is a generalisation and one can always think of the exceptions, but I have found that many of the people who seem to have the most problems with social relationships outside the family have equally problems with family relationships.

It's true we can pick our friends but not our relatives. Most families I know have some sort of difficult relationship with a family member. I have no blood family apart from my children and grandchildren and used to find these rifts difficult to understand. I realise now though that just because you are related to someone it does not follow that you will be friends. I am envious of those families who are close and support each other but fear they are in the minority.
As ninathenana says our relationships with our children are a whole different thing.

I think it's very different wanting, expecting and hoping to be close to your children than it is with siblings.
As you say siblings can often be very different personalities. H speaks to his sister once or twice a year. My brother and I have never socialised but do help each other when needed.
Our children are part of us though and it's a whole different set of emotions. I won't say more as I know there are several members of GN that have to deal with this.