Children living in Australia

My daughter moved to Australia 3 years ago with her husband. Supposedly for a 2 year contract. The day they left my husband said "They won't be back!" I cried for 3 months as we were so very close and I missed her so much. It was like a bereavement. We have been out twice and she has been back twice, but they are now applying for residency, will stay 4 years for citizenship and I doubt ever return. It still breaks my heart and I miss her daily. Yes, FaceTime, Whatsapp, phone calls, emails and letters help, but NOTHING replaces having her nearer. I do actually spend way more time per year with her (6 weeks when we go and 2 when she comes back) than most people do with their children it is the long gaps, the parting and the crying for a few weeks after we have been together I hate. I just need to get on and live my life, I have a son who lives a 100 miles away and see him fairly regularly. Reading here, there are many worse off than me, I am lucky to be able to visit annually. Its probably best not to dwell on what the future holds if they have children, or if we are not able to travel due to cost/insurance....We will cross that bridge. Finding this forum and reading so many others in a similar situation is a comfort, I feel less alone and less like the only parent rejected by her child! We speak daily and message all the time so I am so NOT rejected....it just feels like it at times! I'm about to retire....Hopefully I can see that as a new phase and get bacl to living life and accepting her decision....

Ever since my daughter and her family emigrated, in 2014, I've felt there should be an online forum for parents whose kids now live far away. Somewhere we can be honest about our feelings and don't have to keep a stiff upper lip...

Mine are in the US, so not quite so far as Australia, thank God, but still 4,000 miles away. We haven't been able to visit them yet but hope to go next year when the mortgage is finally paid off and my DH has retired. To be honest, I long to see them but I dread the journey, as my arthritis is so bad and my bladder isn't brilliant either! Can't imagine how I'm going to cope... We can't get a direct flight, so we'll have to change planes a couple of times. People who have to make an even longer haul have my sympathy.

I don't know really if there is a way to overcome the pain of separation. Just gritting your teeth and soldiering on seems the only way to cope.

Ok then, when are we chartering the plane?? My DD is in Sydney, bags I sit(lie down) in first.?

It's really hard isn't if flamenco. Our DS's been living in Aus. for years and as we are estranged from his brother and our only GC for 4+ years it makes the distance between us even harder.

The poor boy gets drenched with my tears of joy when he arrives here in the UK or we arrive in Aus. and drenched again when we have to say 'goodbye'.

The last time we were at the airport to fly home I was losing my battle to keep my tears in, looked around and there were simply loads of parents doing the same thing as unsuccessfully as me.

Aus. isn't for us so we wont be going there permanently but maybe one day they'll come back to the UK. Even if they were at the other end of the country, it would still be a lot closer and easier to get to see them. We skype almost every week, but it isn't the same.

Thank you to all of you that have posted, it helps to know I am not alone, so many of the messages have been helpful, A support group would be a good idea.

Thanks for your kind comments everyone. I certainly know how you feel Flamenco. You can push the feelings to the back of your mind by going out, joining things etc but underneath they are still there and never go away. As I don't want to hijack this thread I have started another thread.

My eldest grandson will be going to live in Japan once he has graduated later this year. He has spent a lot of time there, including a year at university in Tokyo end has met a lovely Japanese girl. I expect they will get married in time and we are all going to miss him, especially his mum, but she is happy that he will be following his dream. She and his dad went out to Tokyo when he was out there and his girlfriend flew over to spend Christmas with us all and is coming back for his graduation in July. We all think the world of her and it seems her family feel the same about him. It looks as though he has a job waiting so we guess he will be going sooner rather than later. All we can say is thank goodness for Viber. ☺

When I moved to Australia in the 60s with my husband and two little girls I didn't realise how upset my Mum really was at our going. She did manage ti come out and visit us just as I had my second son. I never really settled there and was ill quite a bit. Anyway in the end we decided to come back to England whete the cause if my ill health was gonally discovered. Mum and I each wrote two airmail letters per week and they only took 4 days to reach each other. Phone calls were rare and the Christmas phone call was booked weeks ahead. With Skype etc the world is a much smaller place today.
Now I have retired abroad with my husband but the adult children rarely think to ring unless they want something. In fact one daughter said to her siblings that it was all very well for parents to live abroad but why should they use their holidays to visit them. At the time both her inlaws were living abroad and her father had a holiday apartment abroad. So there are two sides to every story.

Having said all that I do understand how much you must miss your young GC who are living abroad . Luckily most of mine were teenagers before I left. Although next week I shall be coming to England to meet my latest greatgrandson. :D

Just about to book our flight to see DD, SIL and DGD in Australia - and hope we time it right to welcome the new twins! DD has been out there for about 13 years and is now married to a lovely Aussie. They come back here every 18 months and we go when we can. We Skype about once a fortnight, DD messages me almost daily, sending little clips of video and pictures of DGD. We don't mind the journey, as we know the reward will be wonderful when we get there, we know our way around where they live now and get on well with SiL's family. Yes, it is hard to say 'goodbye' after visits and although our other two are living in the UK there are no other grandchildren yet, so we miss the little one. Still, when we are with them we spend all day every day with them, which would be unlikely if they loved nearby and friends often say that I probably spend more time over a year with DGD than they do with theirs that are just a drive away. I think a forum for us all with children and grandchildren in other countries would be great - how do we start one?

Count your blessings! Years ago you would only be able to send a letter as phone calls were so expensive.
My son has been in Canada for the last 7 years. We have been over to see him 3 times. We regularly talk on Whats Ap and Skype. He keeps us up-to-date with all the things he has done to the house/garden etc. - showing us around. When he goes on Holiday he often shows us various things of interest so he doesn't seem that far away to us.
I think we are so lucky to have Skype and Whats Ap which is free.
Three cheers for Skype! Hip hip hooray!

Being estranged from my once beloved youngest D and my precious GC for 4.5yrs, living just 20mins down the rd, before that 5mins, I found this a very interesting read, for all you Mums missing your dear children & grandchildren.

My Son lives in Russia at the moment, no contact from him. When I married in 79, we went out to live in Africa, telling my mum & dad it would be for just a year, 6yrs later we were still there! As another poster said, only the slow post, no telephone at all where we were! I still have a tape recording of messages from London from my M&D, and m.i.l&f.i.l, must get it put on CD. We returned to UK when my first D was 2yrs, as I wanted her to know her nannies & granddads, aunties & uncles etc. We stayed for about another 2yrs, but my H didn't like his work & low pay, so we went off to the Netherlands for a further 7yrs. Lot's of visits to and from, as not so far to travel. So my C were very close to my m&d, also their dad's side of the family.
I returned to UK after divorce and lived near my m&d again, so quite correct those saying don't move to be near your children, as my m&d would have been lead a very merry dance! Also I have heard of GP moving to be near AC&GC only for them to go and move some place else

My husband is from New Zealand and when our children were 2 and 3 we went back to see his parents for a wonderful holiday. When we left, we knew we would probably never see them again and I was in tears at the airport. I really felt for my mother in law. DH didn't cry though, stoic Scottish upbringing.
He has never wanted to go back and our children are now 40. I think that people who emigrate like that are those for whom family ties are not that strong. For me, family is everything and I would be heartbroken if they moved abroad. You have all my sympathy.

I think a forum for us global grandparents is a great idea, I didn't have anyone to turn to when it happened to me, I thought I was the only one.
It is amazing how many of us there are, so a support network would be a lovely idea,.
Especially for those who are just starting on that hard journey.
Hugs to all of you.

I have 2 DDS and they both emigrated, my eldest to California nearly 18 years ago, my DGC were 6 and 3 years old. I was heartbroken, they had nothing when they went and they were so brave.. I married my now husband a year before they decided to go. The children are now grown up and I have missed out a lot on that, but we were able to go and visit about every 18 months, and they came over here. And I was training to be a beauty therapist and opened my own salon, so i was kept busy and positive.
The blow came when I hit the menopause 3years after opening my own business. And my youngest daughter met an Aussie through her business in London. I was hit by depression and the feeling of grief, Constant anxiety and crying. She emigrated to oz 10 years ago and now has 2 little girls.
I wasn't coping with the seperation so I went for counselling for over a year.
I have learnt to accept it now and have become a much stronger person.
We went to visit my eldest in US 18months ago for my 60th and I went to oz for Christmas this year, as OH doesn't like the journey,.
He is 15 years older than me, and keeps trying to encourage me to mover out to oz if anything should happen to him.
I am so proud of my children , the fact they went to boarding school has probably instilled this independence in them .
Counselling, joining a gym and learning to dance, is the way I have learnt to accept my children have their own lives.

Surely we should realise how well we have done to raise children confident enough to leave and follow their dreams instead of hanging onto apron strings. I am extremely proud of my children's achievements and I have visited places I would never have normally gone to. Yes we both work hard in order to afford this but I love following them on google earth and becoming more familiar with our worlds geography. Of course it will get harder but I don't plan ahead anymore just make sure I enjoy the moment. I also remember seeing my mum cope when my sister moved to Africa and that three minute Christmas call and the blue airmail letters full of six week old news so people saying Skype etc not enough, think again. The grandchildren being born now grow up communicating with you like that so be happy with them and they will come and visit you under their own steam when they are eighteen.
What about all those young people who went to war or away to sea leaving mothers behind. Perspective needed methinks

My heart breaks for all of you in this situation. My son, wonderful DiL and GS live 5 hours away and I hate it when they go. I wish those of you who are alone could meet up and travel together! I'm so sorry.

My ds went backpacking to Australia 19 years ago and met an Australian girl who is now his lovely wife; ended up getting married there and I now have two beautiful grandsons. It is hard with them being so far away but do get to see them on average every year so I count myself lucky although saying goodbye doesn't get any easier as the grandchildren get older. My dd lives nearly 2 hours away in the UK with my two granddaughters so do get to see them at least once a month. I would love them all to be around the corner but hey ho

I don't have any coping mechanism other than to be thankful that I have grandchildren here as well as the three in Australia. My daughter sent a video yesterday of the family at some beauty spot and tears were immediately in my eyes. I watched it again and again and now can watch it to enjoy the happiness of it, the funny things the children are doing, the love they all have for each other.

Last time they came over we made a spectacle of ourselves at the airport, all of us in floods of tears at parting. I used to fly over regularly but like you flamenco I am not getting any younger and have reached a state of decrepitude that makes it unlikely I will ever make the trip again, especially since I have no companion to lessen the load, They are not on mainland Australia and the journey is a killer 36 hours door to door.

My daughter has been gone since she met an Australian in 2004 and disappeared over there a few months later. It doesn't get easier but I have had to accept it and am so thankful that we can message every day and send videos and talk for free. How different from when I went off to live abroad when just married and we communicated with 'home' by airmail letter and telegram.

.....we go again in August to my son and DGD's in August for 6wks..we go about every 14mths..dont mind the journey...but each time we leave the girls break their hearts.and hold onto me saying "please grandma dont go" its wrenching.painful.heartbreaking!!! We then stop over in Dubai for a few days on the way home to see daughter.son in law....now a baby grandson too....its hard for ALL of us with family abroad..but I couldnt wish my grandchildren away from the wonderful life they have...and I couldnt move out there and leave my 5grandchildren here!! ......

Sheilasue thanks for your heart but I don't want anyone crying for me
It is happy/sad and yes you have to get used to it but I brought my kids up to be confident adults who are not afraid to try things outside my comfort zone I am happy for them and I'd FAR rather them being wherever they want to be than here nearby unhappy or in dead end jobs or having to worry about me

I think in the quest to keep families close to you sometimes it's forgotten that's it's THEIR life their decisions and our children should feel no guilt at making their lives the other side of the world if that's what they want

I was once told years ago children are only lent to you for a short while I thought that was a load of tosh, mine would always be near me but it's not tosh they have to make their own way and I hope when my grandchildren grow up and maybe move around these kids of mine are strong enough to build their own life's and not just get their happiness from keeping their children's in their back gardens ( who knows those grandkids may want to come over here to explore ?)

Love does not equate with seeing someone every day, every week every month a child/ parent relationship should surmount any distance

Very sorry to hear about all your families living so far away, it must be so difficult for you. This has just put something in perspective for me. I am upset at my DD and our lovely GC - two girls, aged 5 and 2 moving from nearby to Nottingham which is two and a half hours away. The good things is they will have a much bigger house so that we can go and stay.

I's so reassuring to know that other people are in the same position. We went to California where my daughter lives every year for 20 years. Now we are older my husband won't do long-haul. I've been myself several times, but the jet-lag is crushing. This isn't as far as Australia, so I sympathise so much with Hondagirl. Also the insurance has rocketed, so now we rely on Skype. Also Skype for my sons in Dubai and Ukraine. Wonderful! The granddaughters can play a tune for you and show you their week's work. I think of the GI brides after the war, whose mothers waved them goodbye and never saw them again, so I'm grateful to keep in touch.

A few years ago we visited my husbands only son who emigrated to Australia over 40 years ago. I had been before and absolutely loved it. It was dh first visit and he also fell in love with everything about it, so we planned to sell up and retire there. At that time, it was incredibly difficult for ndependent reirees to get in and dh decided it was not worth all the hassle - "if Australia does not want us, we don't need Australia"!!!! Just as well as three years later my step sons marriage broke up, he fell for a Balinesian girl one third of his age and went iff to Bali to live with her! Moral of the story, Live YOUR life, not theirs! We could not be happier in our retirement in the English countryside and Jim married his Balinesian, who is the nicest person you could wish to meet, and they are very happy too. Sorry for all your heartache xxxx

My family and I migrated to Australia in 1959 when I was very young. I returned after university to see Europe and visit relatives and never went back to Australia except for holidays. My mother was a widow and was devastated as I realise only now , were my siblings. It affected everyone. I always felt guilty and my mother never forgave me because she hated the "feast or famine ' contrast of life when we were there and when we left. I'm afraid it doesn't get easier as people get older and travelling gets harder. When I meet youngsters travelling I say to them to marry someone who lives near their parents!

I think about people like you when I get upset about my DD living in Cornwall, and wonder how on earth I would cope. My heart goes out to you, and I can believe the pain you feel when the visit is over.

My DD was keen to move to Australia at one point, but she decided she couldn't do it. I was SO grateful (but I never tried to influence her, I assure you). We were thinking of retiring to Cornwall, but I remembered the wisdom of not following your children around. I'd hate them to feel they were now stuck somewhere because the parents had moved to be near them.

To the OP, just hugs.